


After Waitress

by smudge95



Category: Waitress - Bareilles/Nelson
Genre: F/M, Family, Female Friendship, Female Protagonist, Friendship, I'm British so sorry if there's weird spellings, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Motherhood, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2018-12-08 12:59:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 73,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11647059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smudge95/pseuds/smudge95
Summary: "She’d tried to forget about it, of course. She’d packed everything down beneath what she thought was an impenetrable crust. But it had had time to stew under the surface, the feelings, the longing, and now she felt like she was one heated burst away from bubbling over."





	1. Chapter 1

‘Mama, I can’t get the lumps out.’

‘You just have to keep stirring, baby. Let me help.’

Jenna gently took the wooden spoon from her daughter’s hand and demonstrated, pressing the batter around the bowl until it swirled in smooth ripples. Lulu peered over the edge of the bowl, standing on her tiptoes on a stool and pouting.

‘There, you see? You try,’ Jenna whispered, handing the spoon back.

Lulu resumed stirring, sticking her tongue out in fierce concentration. Using both hands, she forced the spoon around the bowl with a sprinkling of aggression, and Jenna quickly placed a hand on the bowl’s edge to stop it from sliding off the table. After a while, Lulu surveyed her work and nodded proudly.

‘Mama made it smooth, but I made it extra-extra-smooth.’

Jenna smiled down at her daughter, planted a kiss on top of her head, and replied, ‘Yes, beautiful job.’

They lifted the bowl together and tipped its contents into a nearby pie-crust. Strawberry Dream pie, Lulu’s invention, for the picnic they’d be having in the park that day with Dawn and Becky. It was Sunday, so the diner was shut, but still Jenna had had to have her arm practically twisted out of its socket to take a day off from her fervent recipe-creating and experimenting. She worked hard as manager of Lulu’s Pie Diner, “too damn hard” Becky always said, but it was her pride and joy. Well, her second-place pride and joy, as it were. Her first-place pride and joy was now sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the oven, chin in her hands, staring fixedly at the pie as it baked.

‘Baby, it won’t bake any faster if you look at it,’ Jenna said gently.

‘I just wanna make sure it does it right, Mama,’ Lulu answered, not looking up.

Jenna shook her head with a small laugh. Talking to her daughter was like talking to a smaller, darker-haired version of herself. She crouched down next to her and they watched the pie together for a companionable moment or two.

‘Come on, girl, you need to change into some clean clothes,’ Jenna whispered as she leaned to scoop away a wayward blob of batter, which had inexplicably landed on Lulu’s shoulder, with her index finger.

Lulu twisted her mouth in reluctance, but finally nodded and scrambled to her feet. She pattered through to her bedroom and emerged a few minutes later in a clean tee-shirt and denim shorts, looking very pleased with herself. There was then a knock on the door, and she sped through to open it. Jenna stayed behind a while, clearing away the bowls and spoons and storing them in the sink. She could hear the voices of Dawn and Becky in the hallway, growing steadily louder as they walked through to the kitchen.

‘Jenna? You betta not be clearing up, girl,’ Becky shouted as she strode into the kitchen.

Jenna smiled, turning away from the sink and holding up her hands in resignation. Becky shook her head at her, before walking forwards with arms outstretched and pulling Jenna into a hug. Looking over Becky’s shoulder, Jenna grinned at Dawn as she walked into the kitchen, one hand held in Lulu’s and the other splayed over her pregnant belly.

‘Hey, Dawn,’ Jenna said once she was released from Becky’s embrace and pulled into Dawn’s.

Once hugs and kisses were given, and in Lulu’s case, pigtails affectionately tugged by Becky, the little group sat in the kitchen for a while and waited for the pie to finish baking. Jenna prepared the hamper, slotting each parcel of food in neatly.

‘Mm, that pie sure smells good,’ Becky said, giving an appreciative sniff.

‘It’s my pie. I made it all myself,’ Lulu chirped.

Jenna grinned, deciding against mentioning the few tweaks she’d made. For example, it was decided that strawberry jelly as well as strawberry ice-cream sauce was perhaps a little much, as was the addition of strawberry Jell-o and mini marshmallows and basically the entire contents of the candy jar.

‘Well, aren’t you a clever girl?’ Becky replied, pulling Lulu onto her lap. Lulu nodded, with a grin which said “well, of _course_ ”.

After a while, the pie was ready, and placed carefully on top of the rest of the food in the hamper. The group then ventured out to the park along the road.

It was a beautiful summer’s day, which meant that the park was almost completely full of other families with children scattering to and fro. The foursome found a spare patch of grass beneath a tree, so quickly claimed it with a large woollen blanket and the hamper. Jenna laid out the food she’d prepared: some cold meat pies left over from the previous day, several packets of chips, a set of poppy seed pocket pies, a box of salad, the Strawberry Dream pie, and finally some bottles of pink lemonade.

‘Well, it’s a good job I’m eating for two,’ Dawn said as she scanned her eyes over the spread.

‘Yeah, how’s it all going? You ain’t got long left now, right?’ Jenna asked her between mouthfuls of pie.

‘Oh, it’s going fine,’ Dawn said airily, busying herself with filling a plate with a helping of everything.

‘You sure?’

‘Mm-hm,’ Dawn said a little too enthusiastically, nodding her head.

Lulu, having eaten her lunch at such a pace that earned her a stern look from her mother, scrambled to her feet and started pulling Becky with her.

‘Come and play!’ she said.

‘Alright, girl, just let me finish,’ Becky mumbled, barely managing to swallow her mouthful before being yanked to her feet.

Jenna and Dawn watched the pair of them in amusement as Lulu instructed Becky to grab her hands and spin her in a circle so her feet flew up into the air: one of her favourite games. After a while, Jenna cocked her head to one side to look at Dawn as she nibbled at a lettuce leaf.

‘So, you gonna tell me what’s wrong?’

Dawn fixed her eyes on her plate and sighed.

‘I’m just… worried about the baby.’

‘Why? I thought everything was fine?’

‘No, I mean, I’m worried about the baby once it gets here.’

Jenna nodded and reached for Dawn’s hand, giving it an understanding squeeze.

‘What if they don’t like me?’ Dawn said quietly.

‘Of course they will, Dawn.’

Looking suddenly panicked, Dawn gripped Jenna’s hand and looked straight into her eyes, whispering, ‘What if I don’t like _them_?’ Jenna had to laugh at that, scooting over to wrap an arm around Dawn’s shoulders.

‘I promise you, as soon as you hold your baby for the first time, you’ll never have loved anything as much,’ she whispered. Dawn nodded and tucked her head under Jenna’s chin.

After a while, they were re-joined by a rather weary Becky; Lulu had run to join a nearby group of children in their game of tag.

‘I don’t know what you feed that girl, Jenna, but could you give some to me?’ she said, stretching her arms out and behind her, wincing. Jenna laughed and handed her a bottle of lemonade.

‘I can’t believe she’s starting school this year,’ Becky said between sips of lemonade, watching as Lulu pelted across the grass to escape whoever was “it”.

Jenna nodded, feeling a tug in her chest. Before motherhood had presented itself so unexpectedly in her life, the way people would coo over children doing something so unavoidable as growing up had made her roll her eyes. Now, however, she fully understood; it felt like she’d blinked and Lulu had turned from a squawking little bundle into a fully grown, 5-and-three-quarters-years-old, little girl. She was getting nearly too heavy to be carried so much, a little too big for some of her clothes.

‘I hope she’ll be alright,’ her mother said quietly.

The three of them watched as a little boy got a tad too competitive and shoved a little girl out of his way, resulting in her tumbling to the floor. Lulu marched over and gave him a very stern talking to, before picking up the girl from the floor and brushing down her clothes. Jenna grinned with pride.

‘Actually, I think she’ll be just fine,’ she said with a chuckle.


	2. Chapter 2

It finally arrived: Lulu’s first day of school. She was more than ready to start kindergarten, having packed herself a book bag and got herself dressed all by 5.30am. Jenna was awoken by her daughter leaping on top of her in bed and pulling the sheets away.

‘Mama, it’s time for school!’ she chirped, bouncing on her knees.

‘No it’s not, baby, go back to sleep,’ Jenna replied flatly, her face planted resolutely in her pillow.

‘I’m not a baby, Mama, I’m nearly six,’ Lulu said with her arms folded.

‘Okay. Lulu,’ Jenna began, still not moving, ‘Go back to sleep.’

Her daughter crawled over to lie down next to her mother and gave her a firm poke in her shoulder. Jenna grunted. Lulu poked her again, and again, until Jenna turned over and grabbed her to give her a vicious tickling.

‘Mama! Mama, _stop_!’ Lulu screeched, laughing and squirming.

Jenna chuckled and eventually let her free, kissing her cheek.

‘Alright, baby – _Lulu_ , we’d better get some breakfast. You go to the kitchen and I’ll be through in a minute.’

Lulu nodded, still giggling, and did as she was told. Jenna seized her opportunity, and settled back down for a few extra minutes of shut-eye, but when an indignant “ _Mama_!” echoed through from the kitchen, she admitted defeat and hauled herself out of bed. Yawning deeply, she wrapped herself in her bathrobe and wandered through to the kitchen, where Lulu had seated herself at the table with two bowls and spoons, and a box of Lucky Charms.

The pair of them sat down together and ate breakfast. Jenna looked fondly at Lulu as she munched her way through two bowls of cereal, jiggling her legs. She was a smart kid, no doubt. That wasn’t just motherly bias; Cal at the diner often got the girl to help with the stock-take, and by the time she was three, she could recite every ingredient in her mother’s Lonely Chicago pie (a diner favourite). She was the same age when she first invented the Strawberry Dream pie.

‘You excited for school, girl?’ Jenna asked her now, pouring a glass of orange juice.

‘Yes, Mama!’ Lulu replied. She jumped down from her chair and took the glass of orange juice from her mother’s hands.

‘Well, good. You know it doesn’t start till nine, right?’ Lulu nodded. Then she looked thoughtful, taking a slow sip of her juice.

‘What time is it now, Mama?’

‘It’s nearly six o’clock,’ Jenna told her, pointing to the clock on the wall, ‘So how many hours do we have to wait?’

Lulu furrowed her brow and fixed her gaze on the ceiling, counting on her little fingers. ‘Three?’ she suggested. When Jenna nodded, her eyes went wide.

‘You see now why Mama wanted to sleep a bit more?’ Lulu nodded and finished her juice, looking crestfallen. Jenna crouched down to give her a cuddle.

‘It doesn’t matter, baby,’ she whispered, her chin on Lulu’s shoulder.

Her daughter nodded again, grinned, and the pair of them walked through to the lounge to watch TV for a while. Lulu nestled herself on Jenna’s lap and sighed happily. Meanwhile, Jenna fought to keep her eyes open. The time eventually ticked around to 8.00am, and Jenna got out of her pyjamas and into her work clothes, and then it was 8.30am and the pair of them ventured out to take the short walk to school.

Lulu skipped along, one hand clutched in her mother’s and the other swinging her book bag. Jenna had made the gentle suggestion that she perhaps didn’t _need_ to bring quite so many books with her, but Lulu was determined. She loved to read. One day, at the diner, Jenna was searching for her daughter and was growing increasingly panicked until she discovered her sat in front of the spice rack in the storeroom, fully engrossed in _The Cat in the Hat_ by Dr. Seuss. Jenna wasn’t sure where Lulu’s love of reading had developed from; she wasn’t much of a reader herself. She guessed it was just Lulu’s way of keeping herself entertained during the long days at the diner, for presumably there was only so much enjoyment a small child could find in counting bags of flour and punnets of fruit.

The pair finally arrived at the school gates. Jenna took a deep, shaking breath, and crouched down to bring herself to Lulu’s eye-level.

‘Now, you be good, okay? I’ll be here for you at three o’clock,’ she whispered, gently tweaking one of Lulu’s braids. Her daughter flung her arms around her neck and hugged her, before skipping off into the playground to join the other children. She looked around once to wave goodbye, and yell, ‘I love you, Mama!’ at the top of her lungs. Jenna waved back, watched until Lulu was ushered inside by the teacher, then turned away to flick away a tear which had leaked from the corner of her eye.

She walked to the diner, which was only a quarter of a mile or so down the road, feeling pensive. She’d told everyone she’d be a bit late, and when she trudged in, Becky was waiting with some buttermilk pancakes and an extra-large mug of tea. Cal had taken refuge in the kitchen, mumbling something about “oestrogen asphyxiation”.

‘So, how did it go?’ Becky said, wiping down the counter top.

‘Oh, you know, fine,’ Jenna replied between sips of tea, ‘It’s just… strange, is all. My baby’s going to school. She could hardly wait to get there, actually.’

‘You look like shit, girl,’ Becky observed, and Jenna let out a quiet laugh at her characteristic bluntness.

‘She woke me up at five-thirty,’ she explained, yawning and cutting up her pancakes, ‘Where’s Dawn?’

‘In the bathroom.’

‘Ah,’ Jenna said, with a knowing nod, ‘She really oughtta be taking some time off. She’s got, what, two months left?’

Becky nodded in agreement as she began laying out the day’s pies and pastries, ‘I know. But hey, _you_ worked until you were about ready to pop.’

Jenna laughed as she finished off her second breakfast of the day, ‘I guess. But I had a miserable snake husband at home,’ she said with a sardonic smile. Becky cackled and cleared away Jenna’s empty mug and plate into the kitchen. A few moments later, a weary-looking Dawn emerged from the bathroom.

‘Oh, hey, Jenna,’ she greeted, rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand.

‘Hey, honey, you alright?’

Dawn nodded and lowered herself into the seat next to Jenna.

‘The baby’s real unsettled. Kicking a lot,’ Dawn explained, resting both hands atop her stomach. ‘I bet it’s a boy,’ she added bitterly.

Jenna laughed, ‘Do you not wanna find out?’

‘Ogie thought it’d be nice to be surprised, and I guess it would be... But now I don’t know which clothes to buy, or how to decorate the nursery, or what we’re gonna call it, or anything,’ Dawn babbled, resting her head in her hands and sighing.

Reaching forward to give her a hug, Jenna murmured, ‘Maybe it would set your mind at ease if you knew. You’re the one having the baby, after all, not Ogie. When’s your next scan?’

‘Thursday,’ Dawn sniffed, ‘Ogie’s taking a long lunch from work, but...’ she tailed off as she looked at Jenna hopefully.

‘Dawn, I don’t think it's fair to leave Becky alone. You text me as soon as you know though, okay?’

Dawn nodded with a small smile. The pair of them busied themselves with finishing preparations for the diner to open at 9.30am.

The day at the diner was busy, and Jenna barely had a spare moment to check the time and see how many hours she had before she could collect Lulu from school. She was stood behind the counter, cutting a slice of Baby Hummingbird pie, when Becky sidled up to her.

‘I’m just saying, the guy on table five is _really_ cute,’ she murmured, nudging Jenna with her elbow.

‘ _Becky_!’ Jenna whispered, giving her a playful shove.

‘What? You don’t think so?’ Becky said, her face the picture of mock-innocence.

Jenna rolled her eyes. Becky had appointed herself as her match-maker, and had spent almost every week since Lulu’s birth rating the various single gentleman who frequented the diner. Romance had quickly moved to the very bottom of Jenna’s list of priorities; she’d been on a couple of dates with guys, but all of them had scarpered once they found out about Lulu. She guessed that a woman with a child seemed too much like a commitment, or something. She’d spent the last five years focusing on herself, raising her daughter, and pouring everything else into her work. It was something which worked for her, and Becky’s meddling occasionally got on her nerves.

‘I’m just saying, girl. Get it while you still can,’ Becky said now, with a coy wink.

Jenna scoffed at her and returned to serving up slices of pie. She snuck a glance at the man in question, in spite of herself, and had to admit that he wasn’t bad-looking. He was tall, at least when sat down, and had a pleasant profile. In fact, he looked a bit like…

Shaking her head, she carried the slices of Baby Hummingbird pie over to the waiting customers and responded to their compliments with a distracted smile. Cursing Becky in her head, she gave in and approached table five. She just wanted to look, to make sure. She reached the table and was thankful his plate was empty, so she had a reason to be there. Moving around to stand opposite him, Jenna collected the plate and stole a glance. He was looking down at his newspaper. His eyes were a little further apart, his nose a bit longer.

‘Everything alright for you, sir?’ Jenna questioned.

‘Fine, thanks,’ he replied, not looking up.

No, that wasn’t his voice. It was lower, richer. Jenna smiled, and tucked her hair behind her ear, feeling a little foolish. She took the empty plate back to the kitchen. Of course he wasn’t here. He’d left years ago. They’d both agreed it would be easier.

* * *

Jenna waited outside the school gates at a few minutes to three o’clock, bouncing on her toes in anticipation. Finally, the doors were opened and out tumbled a veritable stampede of five-to-six year olds, shouting and laughing to each other. Jenna scanned the crowds, and finally spotted Lulu towards the back, chattering with one of the little girls she’d made friends with in pre-school.

‘Mama!’ Lulu yelled when she spotted her mother. She said goodbye to her friend, Hannah (if Jenna recalled correctly), and pelted over to Jenna. Her mother lifted her up into her arms and held her, laughing as she wrapped her legs around her waist like a little monkey.

‘How was school, baby?’

‘It was good. I missed you,’ Lulu replied.

Jenna set her down and they walked together, hand in hand, back towards the diner. Lulu barely drew breath as she recounted every event of the day to her mother: they were given milk to drink at recess, she could now count to one hundred without stopping, and she was given a sticker for the reading she’d done.

‘There’s a silly boy though, Mama,’ Lulu continued, wrinkling up her nose.

‘Oh?’

‘He always pokes me. He said my hair was stupid.’

Jenna felt a surge of protectiveness churn in her stomach, and her skin prickled.

‘Well, Lulu, you just have to stand up for yourself, okay?’

‘I will, Mama. He _is_ a silly boy,’ Lulu said, stopping to pick a dandelion.

Jenna smiled at her. They walked back to the diner together, chattering away, and Jenna managed to push all thoughts of what might have happened if she’d heeded her own advice in the past out of her head.


	3. Chapter 3

A couple of days later, it was Thursday lunch time and Jenna snuck a look at her phone when the flow of patrons had lulled slightly. Sure enough, there was a text from Dawn:

_We’re having a boy. I reckon he’ll be a kickboxer. I’ll be back for 2 x_

Jenna smiled at the screen and popped her phone back in her bag.

The rest of the day passed without event, save for Becky’s whispered rating of every gentleman who walked into the diner alone. Dawn returned a few minutes after two o’clock, hand in hand with Ogie.

‘I need to be back at work for half past, just wanted to make sure the mama of my little boy got here safe,’ Ogie explained proudly.

‘How are you, Ogie? Still reciting spontaneous poetry?’ Jenna asked, offering him a slice of pie.

‘Oh, yes – I’m actually thinking about writing some of them down,’ Ogie replied, taking the plate.

‘He thinks it might be something nice for the baby,’ Dawn explained, squeezing her husband’s free hand in her own.

Ogie ate his pie, kissed his wife and then went back to work. The time ticked around to quarter to five, and everyone began clearing up and gently informing the smattering of remaining customers that the diner was closing in fifteen minutes and would they mind finishing up please?

Jenna was in the store room, organising ingredients to make the next day’s pies. Lulu was sat cross-legged on the floor, counting punnets of raspberries; Raspberry Slice of Heaven Pie was tomorrow’s special, and she had made a solemn promise not to eat any of them. The pair were in companionable silence until Dawn entered, looking anxious. Jenna wasn’t immediately concerned by this, as Dawn tended to look anxious a lot of the time.

‘Jenna, there’s someone in table three,’ Dawn said, as if a customer in the diner was totally out of the ordinary.

‘But we’re closing soon…’ Jenna grumbled, placing the pie dish she’d been inspecting back on the shelf, ‘Are you gonna take his order?’

‘I’d – I’d rather not…’ Dawn mumbled.

Jenna looked at her, perplexed. They were soon joined by Becky, who could barely hide the look of glee on her face.

‘Jenna,’ she began, ‘Have you _seen_ who’s in table three?’

‘No, but apparently he can’t read the sign that says “last orders at 4.30pm”,’ Jenna replied, rolling her eyes.

‘Well, go and look,’ Becky urged, grinning widely and taking Dawn’s arm.

Jenna narrowed her eyes. ‘You two are strange,’ she said fondly, before walking out of the store room and over to table three.

‘Sir, I’m sorry but we’re closing in ten minutes so we can only serve you cold drinks and _oh, my God_ ,’ Jenna stopped abruptly when she’d reached table three and saw who was sat at it.

He looked older, of course, and a little tired. He looked up with clear, sparkling eyes and his smile was earnest.

‘Hey, Jenna.’

‘What the hell are you _doing_ here?’ Jenna's question was not angry, as such, more disbelieving. Bewildered.

Dr. Pomatter, Jim, laughed and shrugged lightly.

‘I was just in the area and thought I’d drop by.’

‘But you moved back to Connecticut, how can you be “in the area”?’ Jenna asked, pulling up a chair and sitting opposite him.

‘I have family over in Missouri,’ he explained.

Jenna nodded, unconvinced. The pair of them were soon joined by Lulu, who’d apparently grown bored of counting raspberries and had come to find her mother. She climbed onto Jenna’s lap and eyed Jim in suspicion.

‘This must be Lulu?’ Jim said, tilting his head and smiling at the girl.

‘Who are you?’ Lulu asked outright, dispensing with all preliminaries and getting straight to the point. Just like her mother.

Jenna shushed her daughter and gave Jim an apologetic smile. He laughed and held out his hand to Lulu in offer of a handshake. Lulu took it, looking distinctly wary.

‘It’s nice to meet you, Lulu. My name is Jim. I’m a friend of your mama’s,’ he explained.

Lulu nodded, seeming satisfied.

‘How’s Francine?’ Jenna asked, wrapping her arms around Lulu’s stomach.

‘Oh, um – she’s fine. Great, actually. Yeah, she’s a fully qualified midwife now. She’s back in Connecticut,’ Jim replied. He seemed a little nervous, his speech a little stammered. Jenna picked up on this, but thought better than to press any further. Marriage, in both of their cases, was something of a sensitive subject.

‘So, hey, I’m gonna be around for a couple of weeks. Maybe we could get together sometime, for a drink or something?’ he continued, holding Jenna’s gaze for a moment or two.

‘Oh, I don’t know…’ Jenna began, glancing over to the counter and noticing an avid audience comprised of Dawn, Becky, and even Cal. She allowed herself a small smirk and lifted Lulu, who had started to fidget, down onto the floor. ‘I can only do Saturday evenings.’

‘Great! This Saturday?’

Jenna laughed at his eagerness and nodded.

‘Sure, this Saturday. Here’s my address,’ she said, grabbing a napkin to write it down with a pen she produced from behind her ear.

He took the addressed napkin, their fingers brushing for a split second. She ignored the tiny quiver which appeared somewhere in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

Jenna sat up next to Lulu as she slept in bed, _One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish_ lying open in her lap. She shut the book, leaned down to kiss Lulu’s forehead and slowly got off the bed and padded through to her own room. When back in her own bed, she lay down and curled up beneath the covers and willed sleep to come. But it didn’t. She rolled over and stared at the ceiling.

She’d tried to forget about it, of course. She’d packed everything down beneath what she thought was an impenetrable crust. But it had had time to stew under the surface, the feelings, the longing, and now she felt like she was one heated burst away from bubbling over.

A million different scenarios scattered around her head. What would they find to talk about? She knew _she’d_ changed, in almost every conceivable way. It didn’t seem like _he_ had, though. He was still the same nervous, eminently apologetic man she'd known all those years ago. Her eyes finally grew heavy and she thought, with a drowsy smile, that perhaps she didn’t mind.


	4. Chapter 4

_Jenna’s Going Out to Dinner with a Man for the First Time in Over Three Years pie: spoon mountains of cream on top of extra-wobbly strawberry Jell-o. Finish with a dusting of chocolate powder and swirls of strawberry sauce. Be sure that the smooth topping completely conceals the quivering mess beneath it._

It was fast approaching half past seven, when Jim had said he’d arrive, before Jenna finally decided on her outfit, hair, and makeup for the evening. She’d tried approximately ten different hairstyles, had gone through every dress she owned (which, to be fair, wasn’t many) and had tried a variety of makeup looks ranging from a smokey-eye, to winged eyeliner, to barely anything at all. She finally decided on a purple dress, which hugged around her torso and floated down to just below her knees, and a pair of black ballet pumps. She pinned half of her hair up and let the rest sit about her shoulders. After scrubbing her face clean of the several attempted makeup looks, she decided on a sweep of mascara, a dash of concealer under the eyes, a touch of blush on the cheeks, and a little gloss on the lips. She inspected herself in the mirror and shrugged. She guessed she’d looked worse.

Lulu was at Becky’s house for the evening; she only lived a few doors down from Jenna. It had been no issue, for Lulu had often stayed there before on nights when Jenna just needed a little “Mama time”. She loved going there, for (despite her mother’s dissent) she was given ice-cream and soda, and could watch TV for as long as she wanted.

Jenna checked her phone. Half past seven exactly. A few seconds later, there was a hesitant knock on the door. Jenna took a deep, steadying breath in attempt to calm the militant butterflies parading around her stomach, inspected her reflection one last time, and walked through to open the door. In the doorway was Jim, looking about as apprehensive as she was sure she did.

‘Hi,’ he said, grinning widely.

‘Hi,’ she answered, smiling.

‘You look… great,’ he said, stepping back as Jenna picked up her purse and jacket, and exited the house.

‘Thanks. So do you,’ she said, handing him her purse to hold while she shrugged her jacket on.

The pair walked together quietly for a few moments until they’d reached the end of Jenna’s street.

‘So, Jenna,’ Jim began, giving her her purse back, ‘Where are we eating tonight?’

Jenna pointed across the road to a small Italian restaurant, with a red and white canopy on its front and a lit-up sign reading Piero’s above it. It was her and Lulu’s favourite place to eat out, on the rare occasions that they did so.

‘You like Italian?’ she asked, looking up at Jim.

‘Love it.’

‘Good,’ she said, and they walked across the road, arm-in-arm.

The restaurant was bustling, and Jenna thought with a twinge that they perhaps should have booked a table. However, they were soon greeted warmly by Piero himself, the owner, who guided them over to a table for two in the corner of the restaurant, right next to the kitchen.

‘Oh! I love sitting here. You can see them all cooking,’ Jenna gasped, peering over the counter top as Piero lit the candles on their table.

‘Jenna always asks to sit here. I’ve known her a long, long time,’ Piero explained in his sing-song voice to Jim, with a fatherly twinkle in his eye. He poured them both glasses of prosecco, gave Jim a strong pat on the back, and then glided off to some other area of the restaurant.

‘He seems nice,’ Jim observed, sipping his drink.

‘Oh, yes, he is,’ Jenna replied with a grin, ‘I’ve been coming here since I was small. I hope you’ll like it!’

Jim chuckled. She looked so happy, so child-like. It made his heart feel full.

‘I’m sure I will.’

* * *

A couple of hours later, Jim and Jenna lay back in their seats, feeling fantastically full. They’d both gone with pizza (Jenna’s recommendation) and had gelato for dessert, followed by limoncello.

Jenna felt a steady buzz from the alcohol. Since Lulu was born, she’d been almost unwaveringly on the wagon, only occasionally indulging in something like a small glass of wine or a bottle of beer on special occasions. This evening, she’d had three glasses of prosecco, and two shots of limoncello (Jim had mainly stuck to orange juice, as he had to drive back to Stanton Grove). She was floating somewhere between pleasantly tipsy, and unpleasantly dizzy. She wasn’t sure what would happen when she attempted standing up.

They’d found plenty to talk about. Jenna took every opportunity to divert the focus from herself and talk about how wonderful Lulu was, and how well things were going at the diner. Jim talked about his work, and how much he’d missed the town. It entered Jenna’s increasingly fuzzy mind that he hadn’t really mentioned Francine.

She squinted at her phone. It was a couple of minutes to ten o’clock. Becky had said, with an exaggerated wink, that Lulu could sleep over if needed, but Jenna had said firmly that that would not be necessary and that she’d collect her no later than eleven. ‘Ok, Grandma,’ Becky had said with a sly smile.

‘You alright over there?’ Jim asked her now.

‘I’m fine,’ she said with a grin.

They settled the bill (Jim, despite Jenna’s emphatic protests, paid for both of them) and then left the restaurant together. Jenna was quiet, focusing on putting one foot, more or less, in front of the other. She hooked her arm through Jim’s and sighed in contentment.

‘This was my first meal out with a man in over three years, you know that?’ she said, looking up at him.

‘Is that so?’ he responded, glancing down at her with a smile.

‘Yup. People are put off ‘cause I have a kid,’ Jenna continued, ignoring the little voice in her head telling her that her inebriated candour was perhaps ill-advised, ‘I have no men.’

‘Really? None?’ Jim asked, his tone of voice heightened slightly.

‘Nope. None,’ Jenna said, emphasising her point by flinging her arms out to the side and nearly stumbling into the road in the process.

Laughing, Jim grabbed her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She felt safe, and anchored. They walked in silence for a few moments, Jenna absent-mindedly reaching up to hold on to Jim’s hand where it rested on her shoulder.

‘I don’t mind, you know,’ she announced after a while, looking up at the stars.

‘Hm?’

‘I don’t mind being alone.’

Jim gently squeezed her hand. ‘You aren’t.’

She looked up at him, and he glanced down at her. His eyes seemed to be searching her own for… she didn’t know what.

‘Um – I mean, you have Lulu, and everyone at the diner…’ he trailed off, looking back at the sidewalk in front of them.

She nodded, letting her gaze linger on his profile before remembering herself and returning her attention to the stars. Eventually, they reached her house and walked to Jim’s car, where he’d parked it outside.

‘Well, this was fun,’ he said, letting go of Jenna and finding his keys.

‘Yeah, it was,’ she said distantly, feeling suddenly cold.

He unlocked the car with a “beep-beep”, the noise cutting through the silence and making Jenna flinch. Jim turned to her and went in for a one-armed hug, rubbing her back briskly. A friendly hug.

‘I’ll call you, we should do this again soon,’ he said as he climbed into the car.

She nodded and reached into her jacket pocket, folding her fingers around the napkin he’d written his number on. She watched him drive away, hugging her elbows, then strolled along the street towards Becky’s house. Once there, she collected a very drowsy daughter, batted away all questions about her evening with a muttered “It was fine”, and then walked back home.

‘You look real pretty, Mama,’ Lulu mumbled, fighting sleep, as Jenna tucked her in.

‘Thanks, baby,’ Jenna whispered, kissing her cheek.

Once she’d got into her pyjamas and had scrubbed her face clean, she climbed into bed next to her sleeping daughter and curled up under the covers. She always slept better with her next to her.


	5. Chapter 5

Jenna spent a great deal of the following week thinking, agonising, baking. She thought about the meal with Jim, how comfortable she’d felt around him. She thought about his warm hand holding her own. She thought about the times they’d looked at each other and not said anything. She was in the back kitchen in the diner, preparing a Life’s Just Peachy-Peachy keen pie, when it slowly dawned on her. The feelings from six years ago had never really left. Of course they hadn’t. They’d just been stored away for a while, like a little forgotten jar in the back corner of the cupboard. Not immediately noticeable, but still present.

‘ _Wonderful_ ,’ Jenna muttered, slapping a ball of dough onto the table in front of her.

Her phone started ringing, but she let it go to voicemail; her hands were covered in flour, and she wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone. Except, of course, Lulu, who had tucked herself away in a corner with a colouring book and some crayons.

‘What’s wonderful, Mama?’ she piped up.

‘You are, little girl,’ Jenna replied, looking over at her and smiling.

Jenna returned her attention to the pie, rolling out the dough and pressing it into the dish with her knuckles. She laid the sliced peaches on the top, overlapping them and nudging them mere millimetres to the right or left so that they were perfectly even. It was something else to focus on.

Once the pie was prepared, she put it into the fridge to be baked in the morning, then helped Lulu tidy away her crayons and colouring book. Jenna locked the diner after her, then the pair of them walked briskly home, hand in hand.

* * *

Jenna sat up in her bed once Lulu was asleep, making a to-do list. Lulu needed new shoes for school; the ones she had were scuffed beyond recognition, and also a tad on the small side. Jenna scribbled “Get Lulu’s feet measured” in the top corner and circled it a few times. Sunday would be their shopping day.

She put her notebook back on her nightstand and picked up her phone. She scrolled through her emails and then remembered the missed call from earlier. It was from Jim. She smiled as she held the phone to her ear to listen to the voicemail.

‘Hey, Jenna. I’m calling because… I said I’d call. I guess you’re busy. I just wanted to say I had a great time on Saturday. Erm… Would you – would you be up for it again sometime? It’s just, I’m only in town for another week and a half. Let me know… Oh, I hope Lulu’s doing well. She’s lovely, you should be proud of her. I mean, of course she’d be lovely. Okay. I’m babbling, so I’m gonna go. Don’t hesitate to call if… you have any questions or concerns,’ he laughed, and Jenna’s stomach fluttered, ‘Sorry, that was weird. Okay, bye.’

Jenna listened to the voicemail again, then switched her phone off and reached under her bed to produce a large, square box. She listened carefully for any signs of Lulu stirring in her bedroom next door, and when none came, she opened the box to survey its contents. Inside was the Dear Baby book, Lulu’s first pair of booties, the ribbon Jenna had won in the Springfield pie contest, and a pie dish. The deep-dish, none-stick pie dish he’d bought for her. She lifted it out carefully and flipped it over to look at its base. Tracing her fingers along the engraving of her name, she sighed.

She felt conflicted. Did she like Jim Pomatter? Yes. Did she _like_ that she liked Jim Pomatter? Not one bit. She knew she had to forget about it. He was married, after all. That hadn’t stopped her before, of course, when his wife was nothing more than a name and she could imagine her to be as unsavoury as she pleased. But when she actually met Francine, and saw how _nice_ she was, and how much she trusted Jim, she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t do it do her now. She stacked everything back in the box, pressed the lid on firmly, then slid it back under the bed. That was that.

* * *

The next morning, Jenna turned her phone on and a text from Jim pinged through immediately.

 _Hey, you probably got my voicemail, but I feel like texting is maybe easier… If you want to meet up again, let me know :)_  

God, was he persistent. Jenna thought about her reply, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard. Part of her thought that seeing him again was a bad idea, for all the reasons she'd come up with the night before. But the other part of her thought that seeing him again would provide closure, and perhaps clarification. The latter part won. Hesitantly, she tapped out:

_Sure, I’d like that :)_

She paused, winced, then added:

_It’ll be one last meal as friends!_

She pressed send. It sounded weird, and slightly melodramatic, and Jenna cursed herself. She wasn’t even sure why she’d mentioned their being friends; he probably wasn’t nearly as confused about this whole reunion as she was. But a tiny part of her was curious. Did he only see them as friends? He’d seemed nervous about their meal, but then nervousness was his default persona. He’d travelled here from Connecticut, of all places. Sure, it was to see his family in Missouri, but that was still the next state over. He’d come back to this ramshackle town, totally out of the blue. He was back to staying in Stanton Grove. He didn’t talk about his wife unless asked. It was all very strange. Jenna twisted her mouth, feeling distinctly puzzled, then hauled herself out of bed and got ready for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've set the story in Kentucky as I thought that would make the most sense geographically, but then again I've never been so I could be waaay off the mark..


	6. Chapter 6

Jenna and Jim sat across from each other, sharing a pizza in _Piero’s_. Jenna could sense Jim’s eyes on her as she quietly sipped her wine, and glanced up to meet his gaze. She smiled meekly.

‘How do you like the pizza?’ she asked.

‘It’s delicious. Really good,’ he replied, kissing his fingers in a Faux-Italian manner. She giggled. ‘You look really well, by the way,’ he continued, and she shifted in her chair.

‘Um, thanks,’ she mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘So, you’re here for another week?’ she inquired.

‘Yep, that’s the plan.’

‘I bet you’re looking forward to getting back.’

‘Eh, I guess. There’s not much going on in Connecticut, really.’

Jenna frowned, leaning forward to take another slice of pizza. Jim wore an expression she couldn’t quite read.

‘But, Francine? You must – you must miss her?’ she said, in what she hoped was a casual tone.

Jim’s smile faltered slightly and he looked downwards at the table cloth.

‘Well, um. I guess. We’re separated.’

Jenna nearly choked on her pizza. She took a gulp of wine and grimaced at the unpalatable combination, cleared her throat and placed her hands on the table in front of her.

‘What? Why – why didn’t you say?’

Jim reluctantly looked up at her and gave a half-smile.

‘I didn’t know how to bring it up. It’s mainly why I’m here. We needed space away from each other, so I thought I’d come back to where I was happiest,’ he explained, his fingers interlocked. Jenna thought he looked more like a doctor placidly giving a diagnosis. He didn’t look happy, nor did he look _un_ happy. Just strangely calm.

Jenna reached out and placed a hand on his wrist, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.

He shrugged, and picked up his drink with his free hand. Sipping it, he took Jenna’s hand so it was held gently in his own.

‘Your hand is so tiny,’ he observed softly, looking down at it.

‘Thanks, but you’re changing the subject. What happened?’ she asked, trying to ignore her quickened pulse.

He winced.

‘We just… weren’t working. I wasn’t happy, and just got worse at hiding it. Particularly after… I was here the first time. She wasn’t happy either. We just decided to stop trying to make it work, when it wasn’t going to. We got married pretty young, you see.’

Jenna bit her lip.

‘People change, don’t they?’ she asked rhetorically, letting go of his hand to pick up her napkin and dab the corners of her mouth.

They finished their meal in silence. Once the bill had been settled (Jenna insisted on paying this time around) they left the restaurant. Neither was sure what to say to the other.

It was almost eleven o’clock, and Jenna kept a brisk pace in order to get to Becky’s and collect Lulu. Jim easily kept up with her, his long strides matching her shorter ones. She looked at the road ahead, feeling a sensation inside her that she couldn’t describe. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jim glancing over at her as if wanting to speak, but she didn’t look at him. Her thoughts were racing. Her chest was tight with the weight of what Jim had told her.

They walked back to Jim’s car and turned to face each other.

‘So, what now?’ Jim asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Jenna answered, looking down at her ballet pumps.

‘Jenna…’ Jim murmured, taking Jenna’s hand in both of his own. ‘I need to know how you feel.’

‘About what?’

‘About me.’

She looked at him then, and felt anchored by the intensity of his gaze.

‘What do you mean?’

He sighed, and inched a step closer to her. Her breath hitched.

‘I know what happened between us was a long time ago, and we agreed to end it, but – you see, it _didn’t_ end. Not for me. I want to know how you feel.’

She swallowed. She looked down at her hand, small in between his own, and tried a smile.

‘I – I think I need some time,’ she began, ‘This is a lot to take in.’

He nodded a little too vigorously.

‘Oh, yeah, totally. I understand. Well, you have my number, so… Goodnight, Jenna,’ he babbled, leaning down to kiss Jenna’s cheek. He lingered there, for a soft moment or two, then pulled away and climbed into his car.

Watching him drive away, Jenna brushed her fingers where his lips had been moments before, and let out a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding. She walked down the road to Becky’s house, feeling her heart beat in the roof of her mouth.

‘You okay, girl?’ Becky questioned when she opened the door. Lulu was perched on her hip, dozing.

‘Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,’ Jenna mumbled, taking her daughter into her arms.

‘No, you’re not,’ Becky replied simply.

‘No, I’m not…’ Jenna said, defeated, ‘But I don’t have the energy to talk about it now. Can you come over tomorrow? I need a chat, and perhaps a good slap.’

Becky nodded and placed a comforting hand on Jenna’s shoulder. ‘Sure,’ she said, ‘I can deliver on both of those requests.’

Jenna chuckled, thanked Becky, kissed Lulu – who had stirred with a yawn rivalling that of a hippopotamus – and walked back home. She slept in Lulu’s bed that night.

* * *

‘I brought wine,’ Becky announced as she barrelled through Jenna’s front door the next day.

‘Becky, it’s eleven o’clock in the morning,’ Jenna said, eyebrows raised.

Becky dismissed her protests with a brusque wave of her hand, as she produced a bottle of red and plonked it on the kitchen table. She opened each cupboard in turn, apparently in search of glasses.

‘They’re in the one above the sink,’ Jenna informed her, watching her in amusement.

Looking triumphant, Becky located two wine glasses and filled them both almost to the rim. She sat heavily in a chair and motioned for Jenna to do the same. Taking a large gulp from her own glass, Becky slid the other one over to Jenna, and watched as she took a polite sip from it.

‘So, what’s going on with you, girl?’ Becky said, reaching to take Jenna’s free hand in her own.

‘Well, the long and the short of it is: Jim’s separated from his wife, he says he still likes me, and – and, I think I still like him,’ Jenna said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Becky looked at her as if waiting for her to say more, and when Jenna didn’t, her brow furrowed.

‘What’s the problem then?’ she asked.

Jenna shrugged, and took a larger sip of wine. It warmed her insides, and she felt a little calmer.

‘I’m just scared. With everything that happened between us before, it’s just – I was _done_ with it. At least I thought I was. I’ve been basically on my own ever since, and I’m comfortable with that. Lulu’s the most important thing in my life, and I want to protect her. I worry that having Jim back in my life will just be so confusing.’

She snuck a look at Becky, who was looking at her intently, inquisitively.

‘Well, what about you?’ she asked, stroking Jenna’s hand with her thumb.

Jenna swallowed another mouthful of wine. ‘What _about_ me?’

‘You’ve always put Lulu first -’

‘Of course, I’m her mother -’

‘Yeah, let me finish. Of course, Lulu comes first. But that doesn’t mean that you have to come last.’

Jenna gave her a small, uncertain smile.

‘You like the guy, right?’

Jenna nodded.

‘And, I don’t know him, so I can’t say for sure, but he came all the way back to this town for no apparent reason -’

‘Actually, he said he has family in Missouri,’ Jenna interrupted, remembering the conversation she’d had with him when he first arrived.

Becky arched an eyebrow at her. ‘Oh, _sure_ he has.’ Jenna had to laugh at her look of derision. ‘Girl, I think the only thing holding you back is you,’ Becky said finally, finishing her wine in one large gulp and placing her glass firmly back on the table.

Jenna nodded, knowing she was right. Emboldened somewhat by the red wine, she resolved that she’d tell him that week. She had to tell him that week.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a Monday evening, and Jenna was sat with Lulu on her lap in front of the TV. They were watching _Mulan_ , one of Lulu’s favourites.

‘She’s so tough, Mama,’ she said, watching in wide-eyed wonder as Mulan fought against Shan Yu on the rooftops.

Jenna nodded, then a thought struck her, ‘Hey, Lulu, is that boy you were telling me about still giving you trouble?’

Lulu fidgeted in her mother’s lap, frowning, ‘He’s still silly, but I’m gonna be tough like Mulan.’

Wrapping her arms tighter around her daughter’s stomach, Jenna whispered, ‘That’s my girl.’

‘Oh, Mama, I’m going to a party on Saturday,’ Lulu announced.

‘Are you?’ Jenna replied with a quiet chuckle, ‘Whose party?’

‘Bella’s,’ her daughter told her.

Jenna nodded.

‘Good, good. Who’s Bella?’

‘She’s in my class, Mama,’ Lulu said, twisting around in Jenna’s lap to look quizzically at her, ‘It’s her birthday.’

‘Right, got it,’ Jenna said, booping Lulu’s nose with her index finger, ‘Honey, you know Saturday’s a work day right? How are you gonna get to this party?’

‘Hannah said her mama would drive me there.’

Jenna nodded, and made a mental note to check that Hannah’s mama was actually aware of this plan the following day.

* * *

It was midweek, and it had been a slow Wednesday at the diner. Jenna was alone in the kitchen, baking in contemplation. Lulu was at Hannah’s house; in establishing a plan for the party on Saturday, Hannah’s mother had made the suggestion that Lulu could stay at their house a couple of evenings a week until Jenna was finished with work. Jenna was reluctant at first, but Hannah’s mother had insisted. ‘It’s no trouble,’ she’d said, ‘You work so hard.’

She was working on The Pursuit of Happiness pie, lost in thought, when a hand on her shoulder almost made her jump a foot in the air. She spun around to see Jim, looking at her with an apologetic smile.

‘Jim? What are you doing here?’ she exclaimed, gathering herself together and brushing her flour-covered hands on her apron.

‘I’m sorry, I tried to call you…’ he mumbled.

‘I don’t answer my phone when I’m working,’ Jenna explained. Realising she may have sounded a little brusque – she never liked being interrupted whilst creating her pies, no matter who it was – she smiled at Jim.

He glanced down at the unfinished creation.

‘So, what’s in this one?’ he asked.

‘Golden Delicious apples, caramelised with brown sugar and cinnamon, folded into cocoa chiffon. And I’m just about to put the Chantilly cream on the top,’ she reeled off, reaching for the bowl of cream she’d just whipped up.

Jim watched her in amazement as she worked. She spooned each cloud of cream on so delicately, and the look of serenity on her face was striking. It was like watching an artist at their canvas, or a virtuosic musician. She looked so beautiful. He reached for her hand once she’d finished, and held it so she turned to face him.

‘I was wondering if you’d thought about…’ he began, stumbling over his words.

‘About what?’ Jenna asked, though of course she knew. She just wanted to hear him say it.

‘Well, about – about… us? Us,’ Jim said, his eyes focused on his hand holding Jenna’s.

Jenna looked at him, thoughtfully.

‘Is it really over?’ she whispered.

He finally met her gaze and looked puzzled.

‘Hm?’

‘Between you and Francine. Is it over?’

He looked pensive for a few moments, then nodded.

‘Okay,’ Jenna said.

Then she kissed him.

He was surprised at first, but then his arms were wrapped tightly around her, and she could sense his smile. She felt electricity from her toes to her fingertips, like she had when they’d kissed for the first time. She needed this. She guessed he did, too.

Their kisses grew hungrier, and more desperate, and soon she was perched on the edge of the table and he had pressed himself against her. He trailed kisses along her jawbone and down her neck, lingering above where her pulse was thundering beneath her skin. His hands gripped her hips, and hers were running tracks through his hair.

‘Jim,’ she breathed, gasping as he ran a warm, wandering hand down her thigh. ‘We shouldn’t do this…’

He pulled away then, his breath heavy and hot, his eyes desperately searching her own. He didn’t speak, but rather uttered a barely-audible “Huh?”.

‘I mean, we shouldn’t do this _here_ ,’ she explained, leaning to press her lips to his for a soft moment.

He nodded, looking relieved, then took her hands to help her down from the table.

Re-adjusting herself, willing the heat in her cheeks to die down a little, she glanced at her watch and gasped.

‘Oh, shit. I gotta go. I said I’d pick Lulu up at six-thirty,’ she babbled, grabbing her bag from the floor then throwing it down again when she remembered the pie. She moved it over to the fridge, then picked up her bag and jacket and ran to the door. Jim followed, bewildered.

‘Pick Lulu up from where?’ he asked, opening the door while Jenna had her hands full.

‘Hannah’s house,’ Jenna answered, as if that were obvious, ‘Here, hold this.’

She thrust her bag and jacket into Jim’s arms, flicked the lights off, and locked the door behind them. Then, she turned back to Jim and took her things from him, sighing.

‘Sorry about that,’ she said with a coy smile.

‘No problem,’ Jim said, ‘Do you - do you want a lift?’

‘Oh, that would be great, actually. Thank you.’

Jenna was surprised by how formal they were being. The pair of them got into Jim’s car and Jenna gave directions until they’d reached Hannah’s house.

Jenna told Jim to stay in the car, then walked up to their front door and knocked.

Hannah’s mother, Jill, opened the door with a broad smile.

‘Jenna! Hi,’ she greeted, scooting to the side as Lulu pelted past her into her mother’s arms.

‘Hi, Jill,’ Jenna replied, ‘She’s not been too much trouble, has she?’

‘Oh, not at all. Little angel,’ Jill cooed. A small, bony little girl crept up behind her and peeked out, chewing on one of her white-blonde braids. Jenna tilted her head down and smiled.

‘Hi, Hannah,’ she said gently.

Hannah gave her a half-smile.

‘She’s shy today,’ Jill said, stroking her daughter’s head. Then, she peered over Jenna’s shoulder and noticed Jim sat in her car. ‘Ooh, who’s your friend?’

Jenna couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows a little. She’d known Jill since both their daughters were in pre-school, but their relationship had never extended much beyond short spells of idle chit-chat at the school gates. However, Jenna had had enough conversations with her to know that she was full of the best intentions, but often a little nosey.

‘He’s a _friend_ ,’ Jenna replied, taking Lulu’s hand in her own. ‘Well, thank you so much for looking after Lulu, Jill,’ she continued swiftly, ‘And are you sure you’re alright to take her to and from on Saturday? I should be able to collect her at seven.’

‘Yes, of course. No trouble at all,’ Jill said.

‘Bye, Hannah. See you tomorrow,’ Lulu shouted over her shoulder as her and her mother walked back down the path towards the car. Hannah waved back at her before her mother closed the door.

Jenna helped Lulu into the back seat before climbing into the front next to Jim, who’d started reading the paper.

‘Thanks for waiting,’ Jenna muttered.

‘No problem,’ Jim replied, before putting his newspaper back in his bag and turning around to smile at Lulu. ‘Hi,’ he said.

Lulu narrowed her eyes, ‘Why are you here?’

Her tone wasn’t rude, but rather curious. However, Jenna still turned around to face her daughter and purse her lips in disapproval.

‘Well, I thought I’d give you and your mama a lift,’ Jim explained, starting up the engine.

‘Okay,’ Lulu replied, sitting back in her seat and looking out of the window.

‘Sorry,’ Jenna mouthed to Jim as he pulled away.

‘Don’t worry,’ was the mimed reply.

They eventually pulled up outside Jenna’s house. Jenna handed the house keys to Lulu and told her to let herself in, as she needed to speak to Jim for a little bit. Lulu did as she was told, jumping out of the car and scampering to the door. Jenna watched until she’d successfully unlocked the door and gone inside, then turned to face Jim.

‘So… what just happened?’ she asked.

‘I’m sorry, Jenna,’ he replied, his hands still gripping the steering wheel.

‘Why are you apologising? _I_ kissed _you_.’

‘Yeah, that’s right. You did.’

Jim turned to her with a bashful smile spreading across his face.

‘So, I think we need to talk about this. Where to from here? You’re leaving soon, right?’

‘Yup. Sunday morning.’

‘Okay,’ Jenna said, nodding. ‘Sorry about Lulu, by the way,’ she added.

‘Don’t be sorry, she’s a sweetie!’

‘I know, it's just she can be so… abrupt.’

Jim raised an eyebrow at her in mock-accusation. ‘Well, I wonder where she got _that_ from.’

Jenna looked at him through her eyelashes and curled her lip. ‘Poor kid,’ she sighed, ‘I had hoped she wouldn’t end up so like me, but I guess it was inevitable.’

Jim placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘I think it’s _wonderful_ that she’s so like you.’

She smiled at him, then leaned in to press her lips to his. His hands moved to cradle her face, but as soon as he started to deepen the kiss she pulled away and went to open the car door.

‘ _Not_ while my five-year-old daughter is waiting in the house,’ she said playfully, climbing out of the car and closing the door, laughing at Jim’s look of disappointment.

She watched him drive away before turning to walk into her house. Lulu was in the kitchen, drinking a glass of milk, and Jenna sat with her until she’d finished then helped her get ready for bed.

They snuggled up in Lulu’s bed with blankets and teddies, and Jenna read all of _Green Eggs and Ham_. Once Lulu was dozing, Jenna hummed a soft little tune and stroked her head. Then, she moved into her own bed and checked her phone. There was a text from Jim:

_I’m meeting up with some friends over the next couple of days, but can I see you on Saturday?_

Jenna smiled, feeling her stomach flutter.

_Alright. I’ll be over when I’ve finished work._

_Great :)_

She put her phone back on her nightstand and curled up under the covers. She didn’t know how to feel. She thought about inventing a pie, as that often helped her when she felt confused, but she couldn’t pin down any ingredients. She could only think about him.


	8. Chapter 8

‘Dawn. You’re my best friend, the godmother to my child, and I love you very much. But, you’re also my employee, and I think you should take some time off.’

‘Jenna, I’m _fine_.’

Dawn was stubbornly filling the condiment bottles for the day ahead, leaning over her prominent stomach to reach them where they sat on the counter. Jenna, flanked by Becky, was stood next to her, hands on hips. Taking hold of her managerial role was not something she was comfortable with, when her three employees were also her best friends, but Becky had suggested that she should on this occasion.

‘As long as I can stand on my own two feet, I can work, right?’ Dawn said, reaching for another bottle, and unscrewing the lid. She kept her eyes on Jenna as she did so, triumphantly filling the bottle from the dispenser.

‘Dawn, you’re pumping mustard into that ketchup bottle,’ Becky observed calmly.

‘Oh, shoot.’

Jenna took the bottle from Dawn’s hands and walked over to the sink to rinse it out; luckily, it was almost empty to begin with.

‘ _Please_ take some time off?’ Jenna attempted as she made her way back to the counter, ‘You’ve got like a month left before you’re due, you need to rest.’

‘A month and a half,’ Dawn corrected, ‘I’m only thirty-four weeks gone.’

‘I had Lulu at thirty-six weeks,’ Jenna said flatly.

Dawn glanced downwards and sighed, rubbing her palm across her stomach. Becky took the initiative of continuing to fill the condiment bottles, for it was fast approaching opening time and – as Dawn had put it so often before – the fuller the condiment, the fuller the experience. Then, she busied herself with setting the tables, and dusting away forgotten-about crumbs from the chairs.

‘It’s just, I’ll be all on my own. Ogie don’t get no leave until the baby’s here,’ Dawn said quietly, ‘And you know how much I like structuring my day, and having things planned out. I reckon I’ll just go crazy if I’m at home by myself.’

Jenna tutted in sympathy and rubbed Dawn’s back.

‘Well, how about you take up a hobby, or something? Try something new?’ she suggested, ‘Hey, you could bake some pies!’

‘Oh, _Jenna_ -’

‘What? They’re pretty straight forward, really.’

‘Sure they are. For _you_. You’re like, the Magician of Pies,’ Dawn said bitterly, tying her apron around her waist.

Jenna laughed, shaking her head.

‘Tell you what, I’ll teach you,’ she suggested, adjusting the Deep Dish Blueberry Bacon pie where it sat on its display dish, ‘Can you stay after work for a bit?’

Dawn nodded, grinning. ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘Don’t expect anything too much, though. I mean, I can’t even fill up a condiment bottle properly!’

‘I’d say it was baby brain, but you were doing that before you’d even got pregnant. You just need to calm down, girl,’ Jenna said with a chuckle, wrapping an arm around Dawn’s shoulders.

‘Easier said than done, boss,’ Dawn muttered, tucking her head under Jenna’s chin.

* * *

‘So, any particular pie you wanna make?’ Jenna asked Dawn. They were stood together in the diner kitchen, a mixing bowl with butter and flour in it on the table in front of them. Lulu sat on a stool next to them, craning her neck to see what was going on. She’d brought a colouring book with her, but had rapidly lost interest when she discovered that her godmother would be joining them.

‘Well, Jenna, I was wondering if you’d show me your Meet Your Dream chocolate cream pie? The special one you made for mine and Ogie's first date,’ Dawn said, her eyes glowing.

‘Ah, the five-minute date?’ Jenna replied, raising an eyebrow.

‘Hey, it worked for us, didn’t it?’ Dawn said in indignation, then smiled and continued, ‘It’s his birthday soon. I think it might be something nice.’

‘Yeah, I think so too,’ Jenna said warmly, pulling the mixing bowl in front of Dawn, ‘Okay, so you need to rub the butter into the flour. Just use your fingertips. You want it to be like breadcrumbs. Okay? Give it a go.’

Dawn nodded and did as she was told, pressing the cubes of butter between her thumb and fingers, like she’d watched Jenna do many times before. Lulu stood up on her stool, gripping the edge of the table and watching Dawn closely. Dawn looked over at her and stuck her tongue out, making Lulu giggle.

‘How am I doing, Miss Lulu?’ she asked her.

‘Good,’ Lulu replied, nodding her head for emphasis.

‘She’s just being polite, ain’t she?’ Dawn said under her breath to Jenna, who shook her head.

‘Come on, girl, you know Lulu. She wouldn’t say you were doing good if you weren’t, would you Lulu?’

‘Sure wouldn’t,’ Lulu chattered back, leaning her chin in her hands.

Dawn nodded, seeming to grow a little taller. She continued rubbing the butter into the flour until it resembled breadcrumbs, at which point Jenna told her to stop and reached for a jug of water.

‘Okay, good. Now for the tricky bit. Add a tiny bit of water at a time. Don’t add too much, or you’ll have a tough time rolling it out. Just add enough to make it all come together in a ball.’

Dawn stared at Jenna as she gave her instructions, her eyes growing wider. Jenna thought she looked a little like a rabbit caught in the headlights, and gave her shoulder a reassuring pat.

‘You can do it, girl. Lulu, tell her she can do it,’ Jenna called over to her daughter.

‘You can do it, Dawn,’ Lulu piped up.

‘There, you see? Would Lulu say you could do it if you couldn’t?’ Jenna said with a wink.

Dawn giggled, turned to tug affectionately on Lulu’s pigtails, then took the water jug from Jenna’s hands. She took a deep breath, and splashed approximately half a timid teaspoonful of water into the mixing bowl.

‘Alright, a little _more_ than that.’

‘You said tiny, Jenna! You didn’t specify _how_ tiny,’ Dawn babbled.

‘Okay, you pour, I’ll tell you when to stop. Alright?’

Dawn did as she was told, and the pair of them worked together quietly. Dawn poured the water, Jenna said “stop”, then the mix was stirred with a wooden spoon. They followed this system, developing into an unsteady rhythm, until eventually the mixture was formed into a ball of dough.

‘Oh, Jenna, it’s all lumpy,’ Dawn whined, puffing her cheeks out.

‘You just have to keep stirring, girl. Let me help,’ Jenna said gently. She was reminded of the summer afternoon when she’d made the Strawberry Dream pie with Lulu, and couldn’t help her grin. She pressed the dough around the bowl and got the lumps out with masterful ease. Dawn could only watch her in amazement.

‘How do you _do_ it?’ Dawn whispered.

‘It’s just practise,’ Jenna replied, reaching for a roll of plastic wrap. She rolled it out a little, then tipped the ball of dough on top of it, then tore off the right amount and wrapped it up. ‘We need to chill this in the fridge for a little bit, okay? Then we can roll it out and put it in the dish.’

Dawn nodded, taking everything in. Once Jenna had put the ball of dough into the fridge, she pulled up a stool to sit down, and motioned for Dawn to do the same. Lulu had taken herself away to a corner of the kitchen with her book, and a bowl of strawberries which Jenna had surrendered as they were going to go bad the next day anyway.

‘So, Becky was saying you’ve had _two_ dates with Jim now? Tell me everything,’ Dawn said, her eyes sparkling.

Jenna giggled, feeling a little juvenile. ‘Well, she’s correct,’ she said. ‘We’ve had two dates, and… it’s going well.’ She felt her face heat and glanced down at her clasped hands, smiling.

Dawn clasped Jenna’s shoulder in realisation. ‘Have you two…?’

Jenna looked at her frantically and cocked her head in the direction of Lulu. ‘ _No_ ,’ she whispered sharply.

‘Sorry,’ Dawn murmured. ‘Have you even kissed him?’

Jenna looked at her and nodded, biting her lip in nervous mischief. Dawn clapped her hands together gleefully and leaned forward on her stool to envelope her friend in a bone-crunching hug.

‘Oh, Jenna, I’m so happy,’ she whispered.

‘Alright, we just kissed, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything,’ Jenna said, her chin on Dawn’s shoulder.

Dawn pulled away and pursed her lips. ‘Jenna, come on. He comes all the way back here from Connecticut, and he even _told_ you he liked you -’

‘Wait, how did you…’

‘Becky updated me.’

Jenna nodded, knowing full well that Becky wasn’t particularly accomplished at keeping secrets. Not that Jim liking her, or indeed, her liking him, needed to be a secret. There was no shadow over their prospective relationship this time; they were both unattached. 

‘So, when are you next seeing him?’ Dawn said, her legs jiggling and her hands clasped over her belly.

‘Saturday, then he’s going back to Connecticut on Sunday.’

‘Why?’ Dawn frowned.

Jenna shrugged. ‘I guess he needs to make it right with Francine.’

Dawn nodded, winced sympathetically, and rubbed her palm over her stomach. Then, she gasped, and her hand splayed out somewhere above her navel.

‘What’s wrong?’ Jenna murmured, concerned.

‘Nothing. My little kick-boxer’s just letting us know he’s here,’ Dawn said, giving her stomach a fond little pat. Jenna leaned forward and placed a gentle hand next to Dawn’s. Sure enough, she felt a tiny jolt as the baby moved. ‘Wow,’ she breathed, feeling a tug of excitement in her chest. 

Shortly afterwards, the dough was ready to be rolled out and laid in its dish. Jenna showed Dawn how to flour the surface and rolling pin, then supervised as Dawn slowly and deliberately rolled the dough out into a large circle. Then, she flopped it over the rolling pin and placed it into the dish, pressing it into the sides with her knuckle, before trimming off the excess with a knife. It was then placed in the oven to be blind-baked, and Jenna and Dawn prepared the filling. Sugar, flour, milk and chocolate were melted together over the stove, before a trio of egg yolks were beaten in, as well as the magical ingredient: passion fruit. Once the pie crust was baked, the filling was poured into it, and the Meet Your Dream chocolate cream pie was placed into the fridge to chill.

‘There, you did it,’ Jenna said proudly, patting Dawn on the back. ‘Wasn’t so hard, was it?’

Dawn shrugged, looking pleased. The three of them left the diner together, once everything was cleared away, and Jenna locked the door behind them.

‘I’ll make you a list of recipes, if you like?’ Jenna offered as they walked along the road.

‘Oh, really? I’d like that. Just make sure they’re not really hard,’ Dawn replied.

‘I’ll teach you how to make my Strawberry Dream pie, Dawn!’ Lulu announced, reaching up to take her hand.

Dawn grinned down at her. ‘You trust me to get it right?’

Lulu nodded, swinging their clasped hands between them.

‘Jenna, I think I _will_ take some time off,’ Dawn said, ‘I’ll just do a couple more weeks. Is that alright? Will _you_ be alright, you and Becky?’

Jenna nodded firmly, ‘That’s fine. And of course we will be. I’ll advertise for someone to come in temporarily. Don’t you worry.’


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: sexy times ahead...

Jenna spent most of the following Saturday feeling like a tightly coiled spring. She was distracted, and flustered, and even started getting orders wrong.

‘What is going on with you, girl?’ Cal asked, when Jenna brought back a third plate of rejected pie.

‘I’m just… uneasy, is all,’ Jenna replied, avoiding making eye contact with him.

‘You’ve been in far more uneasy situations before, and you’ve never got orders wrong,’ Cal said, eyeing the plate in Jenna’s hand, ‘Becky filled me in on everything, by the way.’

‘Of course she did,’ Jenna muttered, with a tiny roll of her eyes.

‘You just keep your focus, alright? I get that you’re nervous, but we got customers who don’t appreciate getting slices of pie when they ordered scrambled eggs,’ he said, his voice uncharacteristically gentle, while handing her a plate with scrambled eggs on toast. Jenna nodded, taking it from him and walking out of the kitchen with her head down.

The time ticked on, and Jenna managed to keep a little more focused and _not_ get orders wrong. She’d got a text from Jill around noon, saying that Lulu had been safely delivered to Bella’s birthday party. She’d also said that Lulu could stay at their home afterwards for as long as was needed. Jenna was grateful for the update, as it gave her one less thing to worry about. Usually, on Saturdays, Lulu would spend the day in the diner, helping Cal in the kitchen and otherwise just charming the customers. Not having her there today felt a little strange.

Finally, it was five o’clock, and Jenna collected together her things before taking a moment to breathe. Becky approached her, a knowing grin spreading over her face.

‘Good luck,’ she said, and Jenna narrowed her eyes at her.

‘Thanks for sharing everything with Dawn and Cal, by the way,’ Jenna muttered.

‘Sorry, didn’t realise it was a secret,’ Becky said, holding her hands up in surrender.

‘I guess it wasn’t… But what if it all gets messed up again? He’s leaving tomorrow,’ Jenna said, walking over to Becky with her arms outstretched.

Becky pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. ‘We’ve already discussed this, girl. He wouldn’t have come back here if -’

‘Yeah, I know…’ Jenna murmured, her forehead against Becky’s shoulder.

‘It’s all gonna be just fine,’ Becky whispered.

Jenna pulled out of the hug and gave her friend a small, melancholic smile. ‘My mama used to say that,’ she said softly.

Becky reached to sweep Jenna’s hair away from her face.

‘Hey, you want me to put a tad of makeup on you? You look exhausted,’ she offered, pulling her satchel bag from her shoulder and tossing it onto a nearby table.

‘Um, sure. Okay,’ Jenna sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

Becky ransacked her bag and produced a scattering of suitable cosmetics. She swept a little blush over Jenna’s cheeks and patted a little shimmer on her eyelids. She handed Jenna a mirror after she’d finished, so she could inspect herself.

‘That’s all you need, girl. Go get ‘em,’ Becky whispered, giving Jenna a firm pat on the back. Jenna nodded, ran a hand through her loose hair to rid it of tangles, then they left the diner together.

They walked together as far as the bus stop, then Becky hugged Jenna and carried on towards home (though not before throwing Jenna an exaggerated wink over her shoulder). Jenna waited alone for the bus to Stanton Grove, clutching her stomach in some vain attempt to lessen its nervous churning. The bus finally trundled into view a few minutes later, and Jenna climbed on board.

* * *

Jenna wandered through the streets of Stanton Grove, feeling distinctly out of place and clutching Jim’s hand-written address in her fist. The houses were clean and crisp, with neatly cut lawns and perfectly manicured potted plants. She subconsciously dusted down her grubby waitress uniform and made sure to walk a little taller. Eventually, she turned a corner and saw his apartment building, set back from the road behind a paved driveway. She walked up to the intercom, tapped in his apartment number and waited with baited breath.

‘Hello?’ crackled through a familiar voice.

‘Hi, Jim, it’s Jenna,’ she said, as clearly as she could.

‘Oh, Jenna, hi! I’m so glad you came, really glad. Did you find the building okay?’ he sounded genuinely excited, and Jenna couldn’t stop her grin.

‘Yes, I did, thanks. Could you – could you let me in, maybe?’ she said, amused.

‘Of course, sorry, I’ll be right there.’

A few moments later, he appeared at the door and let her in, immediately enfolding her in a hug. She leant her head on his chest, feeling safe and grounded with his arms wrapped around her. They stood in their embrace for a while, neither of them speaking. She breathed in the comforting, musty smell of his sweater, and when they pulled away, she felt suddenly cold.

‘So, you wanna talk?’ he asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

She nodded.

He led her to his apartment, which was up one flight of stairs and along a corridor. He unlocked his door and opened it wide for her to walk through. His apartment was small, but well-kept. It was open plan, with a kitchen along one wall, behind a large leather sofa with a television in front of it. There was a door on the adjacent wall which Jenna assumed led to the bedroom. It all looked clean, and were it not for a stack of pots in the sink, it didn’t look particularly lived in. She made comparisons to her own house, where there was a perpetual presence of mess of some description, as well as the residual smell of baking in the air. Here, the air was crisp, and citrusy, and Jenna was almost afraid to touch anything.

‘You want a drink?’ Jim asked, jolting Jenna away from her thoughts.

‘Yeah, could I just have water?’ she answered distractedly.

He nodded and walked over to the sink, filling up a cup he produced from the cupboards. Jenna walked over to sit at the table, on a stool, letting her legs dangle. She took the water from Jim and sipped it, trying desperately to not be quite so tense.

‘So, you’re leaving tomorrow?’ she said finally, watching as Jim pulled up a stool to sit opposite her.

‘Yup. I spoke to Francine on the phone today, actually,’ he answered.

‘And?’

‘Well, we didn’t really discuss it over the phone, but it looks like we’re gonna go ahead with it.’

‘Ahead with what?’

‘Ahead with the divorce.’

‘Oh.’

Jenna instinctively glanced at his left hand. He wasn’t wearing his ring anymore. She bowed her head and finished her water. She stood up and took the cup over to the sink to rinse it out. She guessed she felt happy that Jim would soon be a single man, but there was still a tiny twinge of guilt behind it. She was aware of him standing up and stepping up behind her, but she kept her focus on filling the cup up and rinsing it out, over and over again.

‘Did you ever tell her about us?’ she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

‘No.’

She nodded, finally putting the cup upside down on the draining board next to the sink, and turning around to face him.

‘Are you sure about this?’ she questioned, tilting her head up to look directly into his eyes.

He nodded. ‘Jenna, I never stopped thinking about you. Moving back to Connecticut, thinking I’d never see you again, was the toughest thing I’ve ever done. I’d never felt so calm around anyone as I felt around you. Jenna,’ he paused to cup her face with his hand, ‘You’re probably the most incredible woman I’ve met.’

She narrowed her eyes at him and resorted to her usual tactic of self-deprecation. ‘ _Probably_?’

He laughed quietly. ‘Okay. Definitely.’

She let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. ‘You really think so, don’t you?’ she asked quietly.

He nodded. Her mouth quirked upwards into a small, terrified smile, and she raised herself onto her tip-toes to press her lips to his. Immediately, his arms were around her, one hand pressed in the small of her back and the other in her hair. Every inch of her was alight. They panted, and clawed at each other, and they gravitated towards his bedroom. They broke away so he could open the door and then they were joined again. She stopped him only when the backs of her knees hit his bed.

‘Are you _really_ sure about this?’ she whispered, her hands resting on his hips and her eyes searching his.

‘Definitely,’ he said again, before capturing her lips in a kiss which made her toes curl.

She sighed, and lay back on the bed, pulling him with her. They undressed each other, clumsily, laughing as they fiddled with buttons and belt buckles. His hands were rough and warm as they glided up between her legs, scattered along her ribcage, her breasts, and she ached for him with a ferocity that made her breathless. She felt anchored by the weight of him above her, arching her back as he moved. He pressed trails of kisses wherever he could reach, tickling her neck with the whisper of her name. It felt good, so good, and she buried her face in the crook of his neck as she whimpered and shuddered against him.

Afterwards, his face in her hair and her leg hooked lazily over his hip, they stayed tangled up in each other between the sheets. He trailed his fingers up and down her arm, before they finally settled, interlinked with her own.

‘I didn’t – I didn’t hurt you, did I?’ he murmured, squeezing the hand he held.

Jenna shook her head with a contented sigh, barely summoning the energy to smile. She closed the space between them with a gentle kiss, before tucking her head under his chin and letting her eyes flicker closed. She felt warm, and safe, albeit a little damp. They remained that way for a few minutes until Jenna reluctantly heaved herself up to a sitting position, still holding his hand. She pulled the sheet up to cover herself with her other hand, the subsiding waves of passion making her suddenly self-conscious.

‘Where are you going?’ Jim asked, frowning.

‘I have to go get Lulu,’ she answered, letting go of his hand and reaching for her various garments.

She dressed herself, feeling her face heat as she turned away from him, then walked through to the kitchen. He followed her moments later, wrapped in a bathrobe. She went to pick up her bag from where she’d left it by the door, then finally turned to look at him.

‘So, um… We didn’t do a whole lot of talking,’ she mumbled, feeling certain that her cheeks were actually burning.

Jim walked over to her and took her hands in his.

‘I’m going back to Connecticut tomorrow, but – but, um…’ he was stammering.

‘But you’re coming back?’ she said gently, hopefully, looking up at him.

‘Well, um – yeah, if – if you want me to. I’ve got some things I need to sort out first, but I want to come back here, where my heart is.’

She immediately tutted and rolled her eyes at his romanticism, without really thinking about it or meaning to. He didn’t seem to mind though, as he tilted her chin upwards and leaned down to kiss her. After they pulled away, he held her gaze and smiled.

‘I love you, Jenna,’ he whispered, stroking her cheek.

Jenna felt like her stomach had plunged into ice-cold water. ‘I – I have to go…’ she stammered, turning to open the door.

Whether Jim said anything after that or not, she wasn’t sure, for all she focused on was running down the stairs and out of the apartment building, through the streets of Stanton Grove and finally to the bus stop. Only then, with one hand placed on her heaving chest, did she allow herself to think about Jim’s words. She felt her eyes prickle with the onset of confused and frustrated tears, and pressed the heels of her hands against them, grateful that there was no one else at the bus stop but her. When the bus arrived, she climbed on board and sat at the back of it. She leant her head against the window, and the cool glass soothed her hot face.

She arrived at Jill’s house and the sight of Lulu nearly made her cry again. She hugged her daughter fiercely, thanked Jill with perhaps a little more emotion than was usual, and was relieved to finally be walking home.

Curled up in Lulu’s bed that night, Jenna switched her phone off, for it hadn’t stopped vibrating with phone calls and messages since she’d left Jim’s apartment.


	10. Chapter 10

Jenna awoke the next morning feeling tired, sore, and utterly miserable. She rolled over to look at Lulu’s face as she slept. Her little brow was furrowed, and one fist was clenched up under her chin. She could have almost been deep in thought, as if the act of slumber was a perplexing task. Her eyelids flickered slightly and she mumbled something unintelligible as she stirred. Jenna reached to stroke her messy hair out of her face.

‘Hi, baby girl,’ she whispered as her daughter’s eyes finally creased open.

Lulu gave her a sleepy smile. ‘Hi, Mama.’

‘What are we gonna do today?’ Jenna asked, snuggling closer.

Lulu’s brow furrowed once more as she gave the matter thought. ‘I wanna go for a walk,’ she said finally.

‘Alright, sweetheart,’ Jenna replied, leaning forward to kiss the end of Lulu’s nose, making her giggle.

‘Can Dawn and Becky come too?’ Lulu asked, grinning.

‘Sure. I’ll just send them a text,’ Jenna said, rolling over to reach her phone, wincing as she remembered that turning it on would subject it to the barrage of texts and voicemails Jim had left her yesterday.

She hauled herself out of bed and padded through to her own room. Switching her phone on, she took a deep breath and prepared herself, sitting down on her bed. A total of ten text messages and five voicemails buzzed through. Her thumbs hovered over the message icons and voicemail icons respectively, unsure of which to open first. She made the pragmatic decision to read the text messages first, as there were more of them and, theoretically, they’d be quicker to get through. In Jim’s defence, only eight of the messages were from him; there was one from Becky and one from Dawn, both asking how it had all gone. Jenna then opened Jim’s messages and scrolled through them, nibbling on a loose piece of skin around her thumbnail.

_I’m sorry._

_If you don’t want to see me again, I’ll understand._

_Did you get my voicemail?_

_I really need to talk to you. I’m leaving at 6am._

Jenna glanced at the clock on her nightstand. 8:24am.

_Jenna, I just need to know how you feel._

_Wait, ignore that. Maybe I don’t need to know how you feel…_

_Wait, that sounded bad. I just mean if you don’t feel the same way, then that’s okay._

_Jenna, please._

She puffed her cheeks out and put her phone down next to her for a few moments, leaning back on the bed and tilting her head to either side to stretch her neck out. How _did_ she feel? She couldn’t pinpoint anything, but the emotions weighing on her heart were heavy, and mixed-up, and constantly demanding to be felt. Her feelings towards him were strong, no doubt, made only _more_ so by the time they’d spent together the day before.

Jenna picked her phone up again to listen to the voicemails, which – by and large – were stammered and upset extensions of the text messages. The last one made her lie back on the bed and cover her face with her hands, groaning inwardly. His speech was slurred, and his voice kept cracking, and she had to listen to it twice to make everything out.

“Jenna – Jenna. I love you, Jenna. I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t help it. If you don’t love me then I won’t come back. That’s okay.” It was here that his words wobbled and Jenna winced. “I – um – _God_ , I’m drunk – I guess you… I guess you don’t. So, um, I – oh, crap, I’m running out of time – okay. Jenna, it’s been fun, and – I guess this is goodbye. Okay, goodbye. Bye.” His voicemail was concluded with a sorrowful hiccup.

Jenna rolled over so she lay on her stomach, and took a deep breath. Then, she coughed as she inhaled the thin layer of dust and fluff which had settled on the sheets.

‘ _Dammit_ ,’ she muttered, hauling herself to her knees and sweeping the sheets in a rather futile fashion with her hands.

‘Mama, that’s a bad word!’ came Lulu’s scolding voice as she pattered into the bedroom in her slippers.

‘I know, baby,’ Jenna replied, turning around to face her daughter as she clambered onto the bed, giving herself a mock slap on the wrist.

‘Did you text Dawn and Becky?’ Lulu asked, bouncing on her knees.

‘I’m just gonna do that now,’ Jenna replied, grinning and copying her daughter as she sat back on her heels.

She tapped out the message to her friends, first replying to their questions about the day before, and suggesting that they went to the park sometime after lunch. She stayed deliberately vague about her meeting with Jim, for the simple reason that it was too much to put in a text, and also that there was an inquisitive five-year-old peering over her shoulder.

‘Hey, nosey,’ she whispered, tickling Lulu on her stomach and making her burst into peals of squealing giggles. She weakly lay back on the bed, flinging her arms above her dramatically, and Jenna lay down next to her. ‘So, how was the party?’ she asked, as they both looked up at the ceiling.

‘It was good, there was lots of cake. Billy ate so much cake he was sick!’

‘Oh dear! Who’s Billy?’ Jenna asked, turning her head to look at Lulu.

‘He’s the boy who keeps poking me, Mama,’ Lulu said in triumph.

‘Ah, I see. Well, that’ll teach him, won’t it?’ Jenna whispered.

Lulu nodded with great enthusiasm.

* * *

Jenna and Lulu decided to take a walk with Becky and Dawn through some of the woodland area bordering the town. It was a pleasant autumn day, with gentle sunlight dappled through the treetops. Lulu was several yards in front of her mother and godmothers, collecting dried leaves and scampering between tree roots and rocks. Dawn had come on the condition that they would walk _slowly_ , on account of her aching back and kick-boxer foetus.

‘So, your meeting with Jim last night was _fine_?’ Becky asked Jenna, emphasising the adjective Jenna had used in her text to them with some exaggerated air-quotes.

‘I had Lulu with me, I couldn’t go into that much detail…’ Jenna mumbled, looking down at her shoes and blushing. ‘He’s gone now, so it doesn’t matter anyway.’

She felt Dawn’s hand on her upper arm and glanced up at her with a sad smile.

‘What do you mean, hon?’ Dawn asked, her brow furrowed.

‘He’s _gone_ , Dawn. It all got messed up again. _I_ messed it all up again,’ Jenna explained, feeling a bubble of frustration form in her throat.

‘Well, what the hell happened?’ Becky said, her hand on Jenna’s other arm.

Jenna kept an eye on Lulu, making sure she was both safe and out of earshot. ‘Well, we – erm – you know…’ she tailed off, her face heating.

‘Wait, what?’ Dawn questioned, looking lost.

‘They had sex, Dawn,’ Becky told her, as if it were as ordinary as saying they’d gone to play golf.

‘Oh…’

‘ _Anyway_ ,’ Jenna continued, puffing her cheeks out in preparation, ‘He said he loved me. Just like that. He said he loved me, and – and I didn’t say it back.’

‘Oh…’ this time, it came from Becky. ‘Well, do you love him?’

‘Of _course_ I do!’ Jenna blurted before really thinking about it. Then, she paused and said, more softly, ‘I do. I really do. It’s scary.’

‘You have to tell him,’ Dawn said gently.

‘How can I? He’ll be halfway to Connecticut by now,’ Jenna replied, feeling the bubble in her throat rising.

‘He has a _phone_ , Jenna,’ Becky said, arching an eyebrow.

‘I can’t tell him something like this over the _phone_ , are you kidding?’ Jenna snapped back, exasperated.

‘Well, what else are you gonna do? Go to Connecticut?’ Becky quipped.

Jenna looked up to the tree tops in contemplation for a few moments.

‘Jenna, you _cannot_ go to Connecticut!’ Dawn said in haste.

‘No… I know. I’ll ring when I get home. Oh my _God_ , I can’t believe it all went to shit so quickly,’ Jenna mumbled, bringing her hands to her forehead.

‘It won’t all go to shit unless you let it, girl,’ Becky said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Dawn did the same, and the three of them walked in tandem along the path, watching Lulu as she skipped on ahead of them.

* * *

Becky and Jenna were both sat on her bed. Lulu was in her room, reading, and Dawn had gone home having been satisfactorily worn out after their walk. They were sat with Jenna’s phone between them, and Jenna was looking at it with great trepidation, as if it was a ticking time bomb.

‘What’s stopping you, girl?’ Becky whispered.

Jenna winced. ‘The last man I said “I love you” to was…’ she couldn’t quite bring herself to say his same. It left a bad taste in her mouth. 

‘Jenna, I don’t know the guy, but he strikes me as being absolutely _nothing_ like Earl,’ Becky said, leaning forward and placing her hand on Jenna’s knee, ‘Like, the only way he could be _more_ unlike him is if he was a woman.’

Jenna nodded.

‘…and shorter,’ Becky added, and Jenna smirked. ‘Just tell him.’

Jenna nodded again, sighed, and picked up her phone. She pressed Jim’s name in her phonebook and held the phone to her ear. It rang, and rang, before eventually going to voicemail. Jenna glanced at her clock: it was just gone five o’clock. She guessed he was still driving.

‘Jim, hi. Um. God, I’m bad at this… What I want to say is, I love you too, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was scared. So much has changed so quickly and I just didn’t know how to deal with it. But, I love you. I know that. So… um. Yeah, that’s it. Hope you got back safely. Bye.’

She clicked the phone off and leant forward into Becky’s open arms, feeling her eyes prickle.

‘Well done,’ Becky whispered, rubbing Jenna’s back and shushing her gently as she wept.


	11. Chapter 11

Jenna felt a little like she was floating over the week following. It was as if she was wearing earplugs, for everything felt a little muted and fuzzy. She had shadows under her eyes from lack of sleep, and focused only on making pie, after pie, after pie. Heartache pie, Everything is Miserable pie, Jenna Can’t Deal With Her Feelings pie.

One week plodded past, then another, and there was still no response from Jim. Jenna was sat in front of the TV at home one evening, absentmindedly stirring a mug of coffee, when her phone buzzed with a text message. It made her jump, and a few drops of coffee splashed down her front. She cursed under her breath, dabbed at the stains with a tissue, then leant forward to pick up her phone. It was a message from Becky, and Jenna tried her best to not feel disappointed. Then, when she read the message, her feelings quickly developed to mild panic.

_Hey girl, you all set for tomorrow?_

What the hell was happening tomorrow? Jenna frowned, biting her lip as she tried to remember. When Lulu pattered into the room, armed with a teddy bear and a book, it suddenly came to her. Dawn’s baby shower.

 _You bet. What was I meant to be doing for it again?_

Whilst waiting for Becky’s reply, she pulled Lulu onto her lap and opened the book she’d brought. It was _Charlotte’s Web_ , and Jenna was a little puzzled by the choice. Lulu usually wanted her mother to read Dr. Seuss books to her, as she liked the way they rhymed, and the pictures made her giggle. She hadn’t even realised they owned a copy of _Charlotte’s Web_.

‘I didn’t know you liked this book, Lulu. Is it not a bit hard?’ she questioned.

‘Jill said I might like it. There was a spider in her back yard and I was scared, but she said spiders aren’t scary, they’re helpful. And then she let me borrow this book,’ Lulu explained proudly. ‘But she said to get my mama to read it to me because it might be a bit tricky.’

Jenna nodded, and opened the book to Chapter 1. Before she could begin reading, however, her phone buzzed again. She picked up her phone and read Becky’s reply.

_You said you’d bake a pie. You alright, girl? You’ve been awful quiet this week…_

It was too much to put in a text. Jenna decided she’d ring her later, and put her phone back down and returned her attention to the book.

‘Mama, what’s a baby shower?’ Lulu asked her, ‘Because you don’t have Mama or Daddy showers, do you?’

Jenna laughed at her daughter’s literal interpretation. ‘It’s a party people have before they have a baby. Their friends bring presents that’ll help them when the baby arrives, like little clothes and toys, and things like that…’ she trailed off, realising she actually didn’t have much idea what a baby shower was as she’d never been to one.

‘Did _you_ have a baby shower?’ Lulu asked, snuggling back against Jenna’s chest.

‘Yes, darling,’ Jenna lied. Before Lulu could interrogate further, she began reading.

* * *

Jenna rang Becky when she was in bed. It took about three rings before she picked up.

‘Jenna, are you alright?’ Becky asked, getting straight to the point like usual.

‘Well, um. No, not really,’ Jenna muttered.

‘Is it Jim?’

‘Yup. He hasn’t responded at all. To anything. He was so sure of everything and now… nothing.’

Becky’s response was a long, suspicious “hmmm”, followed by:

‘I’m sure there’s a good reason, hon. He wouldn’t travel nearly eight hundred miles just for a pump and dump.’

‘ _Becky_ ,’ Jenna spluttered. ‘You’re so damn crude.’

‘I am what I am, babe,’ Becky replied, laughing, ‘Seriously though. I’m sure it’s nothing. Why don’t you call him?’

Jenna grumbled. ‘I don’t want him to think I’m pestering. If he’s interested, he’ll call me. He _knows_ how I feel,’ she rolled her eyes as she remembered that damn voicemail.

‘Alright. I say give him till the end of the week, and then call him and see what the story is,’ Becky said, firmly.

Jenna nodded, then remembered that visual confirmation didn’t really work in a phone call, and said, ‘Alright.’

‘Good. Okay, so are you alright for tomorrow? Good job I reminded you, right?’

‘I should be. I’ll dig up an old recipe from somewhere, it’ll be fine. I’m kind of screwed for gifts though, do you think I could leave a little earlier tomorrow? Otherwise all the shops’ll be shut.’

‘No need, I noticed you were a little flour-brained so got you something to give her.’

‘Oh, really? Thanks, Becky. What am I giving her, then?’

‘It’s the cutest little onesie, with “baked from the heart” written on the front.’

Jenna grinned. ‘That does sound adorable. Thanks, Becky. I owe you one.’

‘That’s alright, girl. You take care of yourself, okay?’

‘Okay.’

They said their goodbyes, and then Jenna ended the call and settled down to sleep. Her mind buzzed with recipe ideas, before finally settling on one which was perfect: Chocolate Caramel Turtle pie. Dawn still had her turtle collection, and Ogie claimed to have loved them all his life. The chocolate would reference the pie they’d had on their first date, and the caramel was a sweet little twist, like their finding common ground in their revolutionary war re-enactments. She’d decorate it with little raspberries, in the shape of a B. Perhaps she’d call it something a little snappier, like Baby Turtle Pie. She grinned widely, and sat up in bed, flicked her light on and wrote everything down in her notebook.

* * *

Dawn’s baby shower took place the next day, and Jenna was glad that her conversation with Becky had allowed her to relax a little and focus. Her and Becky stuck together, as the other guests at the party were Dawn’s female friends from her revolutionary war re-enactment group. They were all very sweet, if a little kooky, but they didn’t have a whole lot in common apart from their friendship with Dawn.

The pie went down very well, and was finished off in a matter of minutes. Dawn loved Jenna’s onesie, and Jenna was silently grateful that she didn’t ask too many questions about where she’d got it, for she had no idea. Becky’s gift was a little drum and two plastic beaters, and Dawn looked at her after she’d opened it, mildly confused.

‘Remember at your wedding,’ Becky began to explain, ‘When you couldn’t think of what to say for your vows -’

‘So I drummed instead!’ Dawn cried, triumphantly, ‘That’s so clever, Becky. Maybe my little boy will be a drummer… if the kickboxing doesn’t work out.’ She patted her massive belly. ‘Only four weeks to go!’ she said, her voice a good mixture of excitement and anxiety.

Jenna smiled at her, feeling a lump rise in her throat. Then, her phone started ringing. Grateful for a reason to excuse herself before she got too emotional, she quietly left the room and pulled her phone out of her pocket. It was an unknown number, and Jenna gingerly answered it and held to her ear.

‘Hello?’ she said.

‘Jenna? Hi, it’s me. It’s Jim.’

She gasped. ‘Erm – hello,’ she said, then gathered herself together and continued more strongly, ‘What’s going on? Why haven’t you called me? I hear nothing from you for _two whole weeks_ , Jim -'

'Actually, it's been twelve days -'

' _Not_ the point,' Jenna snapped, 'It’s killed me -’

‘Jenna, I’m so sorry I haven’t been in touch. I was so preoccupied with Francine and the divorce, and then I broke my stupid phone…’ Jim babbled.

‘I see,’ Jenna replied, feeling an undeniable sense of relief. ‘So, um. Did you listen to my voicemail before you broke your stupid phone?’

He paused, apparently for dramatic effect, and Jenna could have slapped him.

‘I did,’ he said finally.

‘ _And_?’ Jenna said through gritted teeth. She could hear him chuckling.

‘Well, do you still feel like that?’ he asked.

‘It’s looking increasingly less likely if you keep being like this,’ she snapped in exasperation.

‘Alright, sorry,’ Jim laughed, ‘So, we’ve filed for divorce. It’s uncontested, so it should all be over pretty quickly.’

‘Okay,’ Jenna said slowly. She was forced to remember her own divorce from Earl. It had been messy, to say the least, and complicated due to the presence of Lulu. Mercifully, it was finalised in just a few painful months, with a restraining order to boot. Jenna was grateful for Earl’s complete lack of interest in having a daughter, else their divorce may have been drawn out for even longer.

‘I’m gonna stay in Connecticut until it’s all sorted. I think that’s the fairest thing to do,’ Jim continued.

‘How long?’ Jenna asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

‘About a month,’ Jim answered, sounding pained.

Jenna puffed her cheeks out. ‘Okay,’ she said, feeling the lump in her throat make an unwelcome return.

‘I miss you, Jenna.’

‘I miss you too.’

She clicked the phone off and slipped it back inside her pocket. She’d expected that this would be the case, that Jim would have to stay in Connecticut until the divorce was finalised. But it hurt. Of course, she’d gone almost six years without seeing him before and had been more or less fine, but after their reunion, the month she had to wait before seeing him again may as well have been a century.


	12. Chapter 12

Dawn (reluctantly) took her maternity leave the following week. Jenna had written some of her, to her mind, most straightforward recipes down in a little notebook. Lulu had insisted on writing down the recipe for her Strawberry Dream pie, and did so in sparkly pink, strawberry-scented gel pen (with Jenna’s help when it came to spelling the more difficult words).

‘You’re _sure_ you’ll be alright?’ Dawn asked for perhaps the fiftieth time. It was the Sunday evening before she was due to go on leave, and the three friends were sat in Jenna’s front room with mugs of tea.

‘Yes, Dawn. We had a girl come in last week for a trial, and she’ll be a perfectly good replacement,’ Jenna said gently, feeling a little like she could have been soothing Lulu rather than her best friend.

The new girl, Nellie, had come into the diner during the day immediately after Jenna had posted the advertisement. She was young, just nineteen, and bright-eyed and enthusiastic about everything. She had the same duties as Dawn – taking orders and waiting on the customers – but it transpired that she had a knack for baking too. On her trial day, she had brought in a basket of sticky currant buns for everyone. They were delicious, even passing Lulu’s high standards, and Jenna had suggested that perhaps she could bake some goods to sell at the diner.

‘Jenna, I meant to ask you – were you alright the other day? At my baby shower?’ Dawn said, sipping her tea.

‘Um – well there’s the situation with Jim, I told you that,’ Jenna mumbled in response, not really wanting to talk about it.

‘Yeah, but _before_ all that, you just looked a bit upset,’ Dawn probed.

Jenna sighed. ‘I wasn’t upset, really, I’m just really excited for you to be a mother,’ she offered, but seeing Dawn and Becky’s expectant faces, she knew that that explanation wouldn’t suffice, ‘I – um – I guess I feel guilty.’

Becky reached out to take Jenna’s hand. ‘Why do you feel guilty, hon?’

‘Because I didn’t feel that way before Lulu,’ Jenna whispered, shrunken inside her dress.

Becky and Dawn exchanged looks. ‘Well, with the situation you were in, who could blame you? But you’re the best mother to that little girl now she’s here. That’s all that matters,’ Becky said, wrapping an arm around Jenna’s shoulders.

‘You know, she asked me what a baby shower was the other day. I told her, and she asked me if _I’d_ had one. And I said I had but of course I hadn’t because – because I didn’t _want_ her,’ Jenna’s upset words spilled out before she could stop them. She could feel Becky rocking her gently, resting her chin on top of her head. Dawn moved over to sit on her other side on the sofa, and took her hand.

‘Where has this all come from, girl? You were a different person back then. You were frightened. Anyone would have felt the same way,’ Becky murmured, soothing her with little shushing sounds.

Jenna wiped her tears away. She knew deep down that Becky was right. She hoped that one day she’d be able to forgive herself, or that perhaps the love she felt for Lulu would somehow smooth over the love she hadn’t felt before. As if she was spreading a silky buttercream over a rough patch of pastry.

The three friends sat together quietly, until Jenna had pulled herself together. Then the time ticked over to seven o’clock, and Dawn and Becky reluctantly excused themselves. Dawn because Ogie had cooked dinner for her (and had promised her a foot rub), and Becky because of Phil's diaper change.

‘Sorry, girls. I think I’ve been keeping all that inside a bit too long,’ Jenna muttered with a watery smile as they were leaving.

‘Don’t be silly,’ Becky said, pulling her into a hug.

Jenna sat alone in the front room once they’d left, having made herself another mug of tea. Shortly afterwards, Lulu pottered into the room and climbed onto her mother’s lap. Jenna wrapped her arms tightly around her and kissed her cheek.

‘Mama, you’re hurting me,’ Lulu whined, wriggling.

‘Sorry, baby,’ Jenna whispered.

* * *

 Jenna stood outside the school gates at three o’clock, hands shoved in her coat pockets against the chill air. Eventually, the doors opened and the children tumbled out. She noticed Lulu at the back as usual, but something was wrong. Her head was bowed, and behind her was her teacher. Immediately, Jenna strode across the playground and approached her daughter.

‘Oh, Miss Nelson. Hi,’ the teacher greeted, smiling widely.

‘Hello, Miss Green,’ Jenna replied with caution, taking Lulu’s hand. Lulu didn’t look up.

Miss Green was young, perhaps in her mid-twenties, and very blonde and very pretty. Her voice was gentle, and slow, and unwaveringly calm, whether she was speaking to her kindergarteners or their parents. Jenna, personally, found it a little taxing.

‘I’m glad you’re here. I’m afraid Lulu’s been a bit upset today,’ Miss Green continued.

‘What? Why?’ Jenna looked down at her daughter, ‘What’s wrong, sweetheart?’

Lulu shook her head, staring at her shoes. Jenna started to feel a tad unwell. She was never like this.

‘There was a situation with one of the other children, I’m afraid. He was making some comments about Lulu’s daddy,’ Miss Green explained.

Jenna stiffened and held onto Lulu’s hand a little tighter.

‘She – she doesn’t have one,’ she murmured.

‘Oh, well. I’m sorry,’ Miss Green said, her wide smile dropping instantly.

‘Anyway, it’s no one’s business, alright?’ Jenna’s voice began to rise and she fought to keep herself calm, ‘So you can tell this kid – is his name Billy?’

‘Yes, that’s him, but -’

‘Well, you can tell _Billy_ that he needs to keep his nose out of people’s private lives, alright?’

‘Miss Nelson, there’s no need to -’

‘Oh, yes there is,’ Jenna’s voice was growing even louder, and she could sense other parents and children in the playground beginning to stare, ‘This kid has been bothering my child since school started, and has anything been done?’

‘I -’

‘It doesn’t look like it, does it? Come on, Lulu, we’re going,’ Jenna leaned down to pick Lulu up, turning on her heel and marched straight out of the playground. She felt hot, and angry, and more than a little embarrassed. Her stomach was tied in a tangle of frustrated knots, and her head hurt.

‘What’s wrong, Mama?’ Lulu asked quietly.

‘Mama doesn’t know,’ Jenna replied.

That was only partly true. She always felt like this whenever she had to think about Earl. Lulu had never really asked about her father; it was just her and her mother, and that was what she knew. Jenna had explained that there were all kinds of families, that some people had a mamma and daddy, some had two mammas, some had two daddies, and some just had a mamma or a daddy. She figured that she’d tell Lulu the truth when she was old enough to understand, and perhaps when she felt ready to actually process it herself.

But the way she’d got so angry so quickly was a little perplexing. She didn’t consider herself a particularly highly-strung person, and after all, Miss Green was just relaying information. It wasn’t _her_ that was prying into Jenna’s business. She felt with a sickening realisation that she’d been really rather rude. Glancing at her watch, she dithered over whether to draw a line under it and continue back to the diner, or to go back to the school and apologise. The second option won.

Jenna set Lulu back down, took her hand, and they walked back to the school and into the reception. They were directed to Lulu’s classroom, and Jenna peered through the glass in the door to see Miss Green sat at her desk. She was grading work, and looked a little flustered. Jenna knocked on the door, gripping onto Lulu’s hand as a way of calming her nerves. Miss Green glanced up and slowly walked over to open the door.

‘Yes, Miss Nelson?’

She didn’t sound happy. Jenna could hardly blame her.

‘Miss Green, I wanted to apologise for the way I spoke to you just now. I don’t know what came over me,’ Jenna stammered.

‘That’s alright, Miss Nelson,’ Miss Green replied coolly, ‘From now on, I’ll keep more of an eye on Billy. I’m afraid I wasn’t aware that he was bothering Lulu.’

‘Oh,’ Jenna replied, feeling puzzled.

‘Good evening, Miss Nelson,’ Miss Green continued with a small smile, starting to close the door.

‘Um – good evening, Miss Green,’ Jenna said, and Miss Green shut the door.

As the pair of them were walking back to the diner, Jenna looked down at Lulu and squeezed her hand.

‘Why didn’t you tell Miss Green that Billy was bothering you, Lulu?’ she asked gently.

‘I wanted to sort it out myself, Mama,’ Lulu replied, ‘Like you always do.’

Jenna felt a twinge.

‘Darling, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it, okay? Nothing at all.’

Lulu looked up at her and nodded. ‘Okay, Mama.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates from now on are probably going to be a little less frequent as I'm starting a teacher-training course on Monday (4th September). I'm going to aim for once a week, but we'll see what happens! Thanks for reading xx


	13. Chapter 13

Jenna awoke the next morning to her daughter pushing open her bedroom door and trudging in, clutching a teddy bear to her chest, and clambering into bed next to her. She didn’t say anything, just snuggled under the covers against her mother’s chest. Jenna wrapped two sleepy arms around her and held her close, stroking her hair. She glanced at the time, her eyes bleary, and saw that it was a couple of minutes to six o’clock.

‘What’s wrong, baby?’ she whispered.

‘I don’t feel so good, Mama,’ mumbled Lulu.

‘Is it your head that doesn’t feel good, or your tummy?’

‘Both.’

‘Alright, well, why doesn’t your head feel good?’ Jenna asked, holding Lulu a little tighter.

‘I was thinking about my daddy.’

Jenna let out a tiny sigh.

‘What were you thinking?’

‘About why he left, and why he didn’t love me or want me.’

‘Is this what Billy was saying yesterday?’ Jenna asked through gritted teeth, debating with herself whether it would be acceptable to kick a five-year-old boy’s ass. She felt Lulu nod. ‘Well, you don’t need to think about your father, okay? He’s gone.’

‘Did you never love him, Mama?’

Jenna bristled, and pressed her lips together. ‘I used to, a long time ago. But then I didn’t anymore.’

She felt a little hand reach up and grasp her shoulder.

‘Will you ever stop loving _me_ , Mama?’

Jenna wrapped Lulu in her arms so tightly that she started to grumble in protest. Pressing a kiss on top of her head, she felt a lump rise in her throat. ‘Lulu, I _promise_ you,’ she whispered, ‘Are you listening? I _promise_ you I will never stop loving you. You hear?’

Lulu was quiet.

‘Lulu?’

Suddenly, Lulu clambered out of bed and pelted across to the bathroom. Jenna leapt up and ran after her. But Lulu didn’t quite make it to the toilet in time, and was promptly sick all over her pyjamas. She stood there, her face crumpling, and Jenna immediately stripped her of her pyjamas and dumped them in the sink. Then, she lifted her weeping daughter into the bathtub and set the water running.

‘I’m – s-sorry – Mama,’ Lulu stuttered between sobs.

Jenna shushed her gently as she washed her. Once Lulu was cleaned up, Jenna went into her bedroom to grab a fresh pair of pyjamas. She then changed her, cuddled her, and carried her back to bed. She sat with her on her knee, combed her hair and braided it, then laid her down and tucked her in, and got her a glass of water to drink.

‘It’s just a funny tummy, sweetheart, you’ll be better soon,’ Jenna soothed, ‘It’s all gonna be just fine.’

Lulu sniffed, looking unconvinced, then pulled the covers right up to her chin and screwed her eyes shut. Jenna stroked her head, then heaved herself up and padded down to the kitchen the get a drink. Truth be told, she didn’t feel so great herself.

She sent Becky a text to tell her that she wouldn’t be coming into the diner, then went to check on Lulu. Her small, pale face poked out the top of the bed sheets. She’d fallen asleep.

Jenna then clambered back into her own bed and took some deep breaths. She felt nauseated, and then remembered Lulu’s pyjamas in the sink, which didn’t help much. She guessed that whatever Lulu had caught at school, she’d passed on to her. She closed her eyes, frowning, and dozed for a while.

* * *

Thankfully, Jenna felt almost back to normal by the afternoon, and Lulu was feeling well enough to eat a banana, and a little ice cream to settle her stomach. The pair of them snuggled in front of the television, still in their pyjamas, watching _The Little Mermaid_ and somehow summoning the energy to sing along.

‘Was Miss Green mad that I wasn’t in school?’ Lulu asked.

Jenna shook her head. She’d rung in at around nine o’clock, a little fuzzy after her nap, and had been informed that there was a bug going around the school and a lot of children – and some of the staff - were off too. Of course, Jenna thought it was unfortunate that so many people were ill, but admittedly she was reassured that Lulu wasn’t the only one to have gotten sick.

‘Hey, Lulu, it’s your birthday this month,’ Jenna whispered to her, ‘What do you wanna do?’

Despite feeling poorly, Lulu grinned widely and clapped her hands together, proclaiming, ‘I wanna bake!’

Jenna laughed. ‘Are you sure, honey? You did that last year. You don’t wanna do something different?’

Lulu pouted. ‘I _like_ baking.’

‘Alright, well – how about we have a little tea party at the diner? We’ll decorate it all pretty. You wanna invite your friends from school?’

Lulu nodded, and started counting on her fingers, ‘I’ll invite Hannah, and Bella, and Rosie, and Sarah, and Sophie…’

‘No boys?’

Lulu wrinkled up her nose. ‘No. Boys are silly.’

Jenna laughed loudly and patted Lulu on the back. Boy, could she have done with some of that shrewdness when _she_ was younger.

Once _The Little Mermaid_ was finished, the pair of them thought about writing some invitations. Lulu’s sixth birthday was two weeks away, on the 26th October, which thankfully fell on a Sunday. The diner would be shut, and they could commandeer it for a party of excitable kindergarteners. Jenna made a mental note to purchase some party decorations, balloons and streamers and the like. Perhaps she’d ask Nellie to bake a birthday cake; in the short time she’d been working at the diner, she’d really taken a shine to Lulu (and the feeling was mutual). Jenna often saw them walking around the diner together, Nellie taking food orders and Lulu taking drinks orders.

‘Becky and Dawn have to come too. And Nellie!’ Lulu continued, clutching Jenna’s hands.

‘Hon, Dawn’s having a baby soon, I don’t know if she’ll be up for it,’ Jenna said quietly. Dawn had about four weeks left before her due date, but Jenna was very much aware that her baby’s arrival could happen any day now. After all, Lulu was four weeks early.

‘Aww,’ Lulu whined, furrowing her brow and folding her arms.

Jenna tutted in sympathy, ‘Well, I’ll invite her and see what she says, but don’t be too disappointed if she can’t come. It’s hard work, having a baby.’

‘Sophie’s mama is having a baby,’ Lulu announced. ‘She brought in photos of it in her tummy. It looks like a little alien.’

Jenna chuckled at her daughter’s unimpressed expression.

‘Will _you_ have another baby, Mama?’ Lulu asked, clambering into her lap.

Jenna stuttered in surprise. She hadn’t ever really thought about it.

‘I don’t know, darling. Why do you ask?’

‘Just wondering,’ Lulu said distantly, tucking her head under Jenna’s chin.

Jenna wrapped her arms around her tightly and swayed backwards and forwards. She had never even considered having more children after Lulu, for a host of reasons, the most practical one being that there were no men present for her to have children _with_. But she cast her mind back over the past years, when she’d watched Lulu playing quietly by herself in the diner, when she’d been walking down the street and seen whole families of three or four children, all on an outing together. She held Lulu close, feeling pensive, and hummed a quiet little tune.


	14. Chapter 14

Over the following week, Jenna’s feeling of nausea persisted. It was at its worse when she woke up in the morning, lessening as the day drew on, but never quite going away. (Lulu had at least completely recovered from her stomach bug after a day of Disney films and ice-cream, and returned to school with a renewed sense of bravado, ready to take on all manner of silly boys.) The conversation Jenna had had with Lulu about having more children had settled itself so comfortably in her mind that now it was all she could think about, for more reasons than one.

It was Sunday, mid-October, the week before Lulu’s sixth birthday, and Jenna was sat on her bed. She’d put a set of poppy seed pocket pies in the oven to bake – something for Lulu’s packed lunches the following week – but had had to take refuge in her bedroom as the scent of them was sickening. She sat cross-legged, a hand gently massaging her stomach, and her eyes closed.

It would explain a lot. Her yo-yoing emotions, the nausea, the fact that her clothes were a little tighter around her middle. She hadn’t thought about it until now because there’d been so much else to think about: Lulu, the diner, finding a replacement for Dawn, Lulu, the diner, Lulu... Whimpering quietly, she lay back on the bed and covered her face with her hands. ‘Idiot,’ she muttered, ‘Idiot, idiot, idiot.’

After a few moments, she reached for her phone and texted Becky.

 _Hey, can you come over and watch Lulu for a while? I gotta go to the chemist._

She waited impatiently for Becky’s reply, tapping her fingers nervously atop her stomach. She sat up and lifted her tee-shirt a little. There wasn’t a lot to see, except for the slight roundness she’d already gained after her pregnancy with Lulu. Finally, her phone buzzed with Becky’s reply.

_Sure thing, girl. Are you alright?_

_Well, kinda._

Her phone immediately started ringing. Sighing quietly, she answered it and held it to her ear.

‘What’s wrong?’ Becky asked before Jenna had even said “hello”.

‘Well, I don’t know for sure, but…’

‘Jenna, are you pregnant?’ Becky’s voice was a harsh whisper. Jenna felt a little like she was being scolded.

‘Wait, how do you know?’

‘Girl, you’ve been off for ages now. At first I just put it down to you being upset about Jim leaving, but you’ve been crazy emotional, you always look like death when you come into the diner -’

‘Oh, _thanks_ -’ 

‘So, is that all you were going to the chemist for?’

‘Yup.’

‘No need,’ Becky said, and Jenna could actually _hear_ her smirking, ‘I’ll be ‘round in like twenty minutes.’

True to her word, Becky marched through the door twenty minutes later, and headed through to the kitchen. She slung her bag onto the table and rootled through it, finally producing a pregnancy test.

‘I bought this the other day, when you couldn’t drink your coffee,’ she explained, handing it over to Jenna.

Jenna grimaced at the memory. They’d been at the diner, having a few quiet moments before it opened with mugs of coffee. At least, Becky was drinking the coffee, and Jenna was gagging at it. She’d put it down to whatever she’d apparently caught from Lulu, despite it being a couple of days after her daughter had made a full recovery and gone back to school.

‘So, I don’t think we need to go through this all again. You know how these things work,’ Becky said, placing the pregnancy test into Jenna’s hand. Jenna rolled her eyes. ‘By the way,’ Becky continued with a smirk, ‘Once Lulu’s old enough, _I’m_ giving her the talk. _You_ clearly have no clue whatsoever.’

Jenna scoffed at her and swatted her arm, but she guessed that Becky had a valid point. She went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. She felt strangely calm, already resigned to the idea. What frightened her was how she’d go about telling Jim.

A handful of heavy minutes later, she trudged out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen, clutching the pregnancy test in a trembling hand. She held it up for Becky to see, wordlessly, avoiding eye-contact.

‘Well, that seems pretty conclusive,’ Becky whispered, ‘Congratulations, I guess.’

Jenna sniffed and popped the positive test into her pocket. She gently ran one splayed hand along her abdomen, the other nestling into the small of her back. She puffed her cheeks out and sighed.

‘Sit down, honey,’ Becky said, guiding Jenna into a chair at the table and pulling up one to sit opposite her. ‘What are you thinking?’

‘I don’t know,’ Jenna mumbled, sitting so low in her seat that her chin almost rested on the table-top.

‘Well, I guess the first thing to decide is whether you’re keeping it,’ Becky said, elbows on the table and her chin on her fists.

Jenna nodded.

‘You’re keeping it?’ Becky clarified.

Jenna nodded again.

‘Alright, well. You need to tell Jim, obviously. When’s he back?’

‘In a couple of weeks,’ Jenna whispered.

‘Okay. Well, you know the rest. This ain’t your first rodeo,’ Becky said with a smile, standing up and collecting her things together. ‘Where’s Lulu? I wanna squeeze her,’ she asked, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

‘In the front room,’ Jenna answered, heaving herself to her feet and following Becky as she marched through to where Lulu was curled up on the sofa and attacked her with hugs and kisses. Lulu screeched gleefully and swatted away Becky’s tickling hands.

Then, Becky went into the hall and enveloped Jenna in a hug.

‘You’ll be alright, girl. You can do this. You know you can,’ she whispered, and Jenna tried to believe her.

* * *

Jenna was grateful that there was space for her at the surgery to have an appointment the following week. It all felt a little more real. She was pregnant. She was pregnant with Jim’s child. Jim, who’d only recently divorced his wife. Jim, who was currently hundreds of miles away in another state. _Lord_ , what a mess.

She sat in the waiting room, surrounded by other expectant mothers, jiggling her legs. She couldn’t help but be reminded of the time six years ago, before Lulu and before _any_ of it, when she’d sat here clutching a Mermaid Marshmallow pie in her lap. She allowed herself to remember her life and how it was then, how frightened and hopeless she’d felt. This _new_ baby felt different. She was still scared to death, that was certain, but there was some other little twist of a brighter, zingier feeling intertwined with it. She realised that, perhaps, she felt a little bit of excitement.

Jenna was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear the nurse call her name for the second and third time. Eventually, a firm hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality and she looked up, startled, into the kind eyes of Nurse Norma.

‘Hi, girl. Good to see you again. How you doing?’ she greeted, chuckling, ‘How’s that little girl of yours?’

‘Nurse Norma! Oh, she’s amazing. She’s six on Sunday, can you believe it?’ Jenna replied, smiling.

‘Oh, Lordy. I swear she was only born last week,’ Nurse Norma gasped, her hand still clasped on Jenna’s shoulder, ‘Well, Doctor Perkins is ready for you now, if you’d like to follow me.’ Jenna nodded and stood up, following Nurse Norma through to the consultation room. That name rang a bell.

She walked into the room and sat up on the table, crossing her legs at the ankles and waiting. Shortly after, a woman clothed in a white coat marched in, armed with a clipboard.

‘Hello, Miss Nelson. I’m Doctor Perkins, it’s nice to meet you,’ the woman greeted with an outstretched hand. Jenna shook it nervously.

‘Hi. Nice to meet you too. I’m sorry, I have to ask – you’re not related to Lily Perkins are you?’

‘Yeah, I’m her daughter,’ Doctor Perkins said, nodding with a smile.

‘Ah, makes sense. She used to be my doctor, is all. When I was little,’ Jenna explained.

Doctor Perkins grinned. ‘Well, my name’s Rose. I guess she wanted to keep the floral thing going. But anyway,’ she said with a wave of her hand, ‘Let’s get to you. What brings you here today?’

‘I think I’m pregnant.’

‘Okay. Well, we’ll wait for your tests to come through, then we can tell you for definite. Is this your first pregnancy?’ Rose asked, pulling up her desk chair to sit opposite Jenna.

‘No. It’s my second. I have a five-year-old daughter.’

‘Oh, how lovely!’ Rose said. There was then a knock on the door, ‘I’m sure you know all the ins and outs of it then,’ Rose said, standing up and walking over to answer it. Nurse Norma handed her the test results, and Rose scanned her eyes over them and walked back over to the table. ‘Well, Miss Nelson, a congratulations are in order,’ she said.

Jenna nodded, biting her lip against a grin.

‘You’re about four weeks along, and I’ll need to see you again in about a month, just to check everything’s running smoothly. Alright?’ Doctor Perkins stood in front of Jenna, smiling brightly.

‘Alright. Thank you, Doctor,’ Jenna replied, jumping down from the table and picking up her bag.

She walked out of the doctor’s surgery and towards the bus stop. It was early evening, and she had entrusted Becky and Nellie to lock up the diner between them. Lulu was at Hannah’s house. Jenna was grateful that her appointment was at four o’clock, so that she could go to and from the doctor without Lulu having to find out about it. She decided that she’d tell her when she was a little further along and everything was more settled. Then, she wondered about how she’d tell Jim. It was still over a week before he was due to come back, and a lot could happen in that time, but then again she didn’t think she could tell him something as significant as this in a phone call.

‘Why is nothing in my life ever _simple_?’ she bitterly questioned the darkening sky above her, before sighing and wrapping both arms around her stomach.


	15. Chapter 15

So excited had Lulu been for her sixth birthday that by the time it finally rolled around, she was almost beside herself. She and Jenna were in the diner, pushing the tables together to make one long one, and adorning every surface with balloons, and streamers, and confetti, and candy. Lulu couldn’t sit still for more than about two seconds, and if she saw her mother pausing at all, she would immediately tug at her skirts and yelp at her.

It was almost eleven o’clock, and Lulu’s birthday tea party was due to begin at half past. Jenna had planned for Lulu to open her presents before the rest of the children arrived, so she could then safely store them away out of harm’s reach. The income from the diner didn’t afford her much in the way of gifts, but Lulu never seemed to mind.

Before long, Becky walked into the diner and was promptly ambushed by her goddaughter flinging her arms around her middle.

‘Hey, little girl! Happy birthday!’ she laughed, leaning downwards to kiss the top of Lulu’s head.

Behind her was Dawn, walking slowly with her back slightly arched against the weight of her belly (Jenna had gently said to her that she really shouldn’t feel obliged to come, that Lulu would understand, but Dawn had insisted). Lulu greeted her in a rather more restrained manner than she had Becky, instead opting for grasping her hand in both of her own and kissing it.

‘Happy birthday, Miss Lulu. You having a good day?’ Dawn asked, smiling down at her.

Lulu nodded so vigorously she appeared to make herself dizzy, blinking rapidly.

The foursome sat at the table and gifts were produced. Lulu swung her legs, her feet hovering a foot or so above the floor, and tapped her hands on the table-top.

‘Okay, Lulu,’ Becky said, ‘Here’s your present from me.’

She slid a little rectangular parcel across the table and Lulu held it in her hands as if it was a treasure chest. She traced her fingers over the glittery wrapping and grinned.

‘It’s so pretty,’ she breathed.

‘You ain’t opened it yet, kiddo,’ Becky chuckled.

Carefully, Lulu unwrapped the present, peeling away the sticky tape so as not to tear the paper. After a few minutes (during which her mother and godmothers grew a little tense with anticipation) she revealed a small wooden box. She lifted the lid, and saw that inside was a set of artist’s colouring pencils. Lulu gasped, and ran her fingers over the pencils in awe.

‘You’re always colouring in this diner, Lulu, so I thought you should have a good set of pencils,’ Becky explained, leaning over the table and smiling.

‘Thank you, Becky,’ Lulu said, her eyes sparkling. Jenna could only smile with pride.

Next, Dawn handed her another rectangular parcel. This one was a little more flexible, and wrapped in pink tissue paper. Lulu unwrapped it with the same painstaking care as she had Becky’s, and revealed a spiral-bound notebook and a pen (topped with a little cupcake, naturally).

‘You wrote down your recipe for your Strawberry Dream pie so beautifully that I thought you should have somewhere nice to write down your other ones,’ Dawn said.

Lulu nodded and grinned, riffling through the crisp, wide-ruled pages. ‘Thank you, Dawn,’ she said.

Jenna smiled warmly at her friends, silently thanking them for their thoughtfulness, before reaching into her bag to produce _her_ gift for Lulu. It was larger than the others, and squidgy, and wrapped in pastel blue paper adorned with little cherry pies.

‘Here you go, my darling,’ she whispered, handing the parcel to her daughter.

Lulu unwrapped the gift and squealed when she saw what was inside. She produced a small, yellow, gingham apron, with a little bow on the shoulder, and embellished with her name. Clutching it to her chest, she gazed at her mother with a look of delight on her face.

‘It’s just like _yours_ , Mama!’ she squeaked.

‘Maybe now your clothes won’t get covered in flour!’ Jenna said, laughing.

Lulu insisted on wearing the apron immediately, hanging it over her neck and leaping from her chair to have her mother tie it at the back. She paraded around the diner, looking as if all her birthdays had come at once, and then the door opened and in walked Nellie (carrying a large, circular tin).

‘Nellie!’ Lulu yelled, pelting towards her and flinging her arms around her stomach.

‘Happy birthday, Lulu! Careful, I’m carrying something real special,’ Nellie said with a smile, stroking Lulu’s head.

Obediently, Lulu stepped back and held out her apron proudly.

‘Ooh! Don’t you look all grown-up?’ Nellie cooed, setting the tin down on a nearby table. She carefully opened it and lifted out a huge, pink, glittery birthday cake. It was adorned with tiny sugar roses, with a dark pink satin sash tied around it. Lulu was euphoric.

Jenna stood up from the table and walked over to admire the cake.

‘That’s beautiful, Nellie! Aren’t you lucky, Lulu?’

Lulu nodded vigorously, rendered speechless.

Jenna gave Nellie’s shoulder a grateful squeeze then glanced out of the window and grinned.

‘Lulu, your guests are arriving!’

Lulu clapped her hands together and pulled open the door. Jenna returned to the table to clear away her presents into the kitchen. Shortly, in walked a cluster of five-to-six-year-old girls, accompanied by their parents. Lulu hugged them all, making sure that they admired her new apron, and then the whole cohort made their way to the table in the centre of the diner. The parents then left, after confirming with Jenna that the party would finish at two o’clock, and Lulu’s sixth birthday celebration then commenced with full force.

Aided by Dawn, Becky, and Nellie (though mostly by the latter two), Jenna carried the plates of treats that she and Lulu had baked together that morning. Custard tarts, strawberry shortcakes, chocolate chip cookies, as well as mini pizzas, and quiche slices, and a veritable mountain of potato chips. Nellie placed the birthday cake in the centre of it all, where it was suitably admired with gasps of “Wow” and “Oh my _goodness_ ”. A whole host of sodas had been kept in the fridge overnight, and Jenna carried a selection of them over on a tray, perfectly balanced on one hand.

The girls descended on the feast, chattering with each other in chirping voices. The adults stood to one side and surveyed the spectacle.

‘Thanks for coming, girls. I know it means so much to Lulu. And to me. I don’t think I could have done this by myself,’ Jenna murmured, wide-eyed.

‘Wouldn’t have missed it for the world,’ Becky replied, reaching for Jenna’s hand and squeezing it.

‘Hey, how’s Phil?’ Jenna asked.

‘Oh, you know. He’s – well, he’s Phil,’ Becky said, her smile wavering slightly. ‘How are _you_?’

Jenna gave Becky a sideways glance.

‘I’m fine,’ she said lightly.

‘You sure?’

‘ _Yes_ ,’ Jenna said, a little too firmly.

Becky shrugged and returned her attention to the party. Jenna noticed Nellie and Dawn exchange looks, obviously a little puzzled, but she decided not to tell them about her predicament. Not yet. She _knew_ they’d cause a fuss, Dawn especially, and she didn’t want that. This was Lulu’s day, not hers.

About an hour into the party, Jenna cleared away some of the empty dishes from the party table, smiling.

‘Y’all having a good time?’ she asked the guests.

‘Yeah!’ they chorused.

Jenna nodded, admittedly feeling relieved, and carried the dishes through to the kitchen. Then, she was aware of her phone buzzing in her jacket pocket. Her first instinct was to ignore it, but curiosity got the better of her and she pulled it out to see who was calling. It was Jim. Gasping, she answered the call.

‘Hello?’ she said.

‘Hey, Jenna?’

The sound of his voice made her giddy.

‘Jim! Hi! How are you?’

‘I’m good! Everything’s good. How are you?’

‘I’m fine, thank you,’ Jenna said, quickly glancing over her shoulder to make sure the remaining adults were coping.

‘Good. Well, I believe it’s a special day today?’ Jim continued.

‘It is…’ Jenna replied, grinning.

‘I can’t believe she’s six,’ Jim said, ‘I’m so sorry, I meant to send something in the post, but it’s been a little crazy over here.’

‘Oh, that’s alright!’ Jenna said hurriedly, ‘Is – um… is everything alright? With you and Francine?’

‘Well, as alright as it can be,’ Jim answered, his tone suddenly more solemn, ‘The divorce is pretty much finalised now. All amicable though, so hopefully we can just draw a line under it and move on.’

‘Okay,’ Jenna said slowly, wondering how to pose the question of Jim returning to her without sounding horribly insensitive.

‘But on a happier note,’ Jim continued, more brightly, ‘I’ve got a post at St. Joseph’s, starting in a couple of weeks, and I’m hoping to come back to town next weekend.’

‘Oh, wow!’ Jenna gasped, feeling her stomach tie itself in knots.

‘Yeah, so… not long.’

‘Not long.’

* * *

After the party, Jenna set about clearing the carnage from the tables. Nellie took charge of washing up, Becky put streamers and napkins into large trash bags, and Dawn took perhaps a more supervisory role. Once everything was cleared away, it was almost five o’clock.

‘Thank you, girls, I couldn’t have done this without you,’ Jenna said gathering them all together for a hug.

Lulu sat on a nearby chair, exhausted by the afternoon’s festivities and dozing. Jenna looked over at her and chuckled.

‘I’d better get this little girl home,’ she whispered, walking over to her daughter and lifting her into her arms.

‘I’d better be getting going, Jenna. I’m cooking the boyfriend dinner tonight,’ Nellie said over her shoulder as she walked towards the door, ‘I’ll see you all tomorrow! Angel Food Cake alright for tomorrow’s special?’

‘Sounds perfect, Nellie. Thank you,’ Jenna replied.

‘Great. Happy birthday, Lulu,’ Nellie called over to the six-year-old, who sleepily lifted her head from her mother’s shoulder by way of response.

Nellie sailed out of the door, and shortly afterwards, Ogie sailed in.

‘Hi, Ogie!’ Jenna greeted, surprised, ‘How are you?’

‘Fine, thank you, Miss Jenna. I just came to collect my wife,’ Ogie replied, beaming.

‘We also have an important question to ask you both,’ Dawn continued, reaching for her husband’s hand, ‘We were wondering if you’d like to be the godmothers to our son.’

Ogie nodded, and added, ‘We could think of no one better.’

Jenna and Becky grinned at each other, then turned to the expectant parents and said in unison, ‘Yes!’

Hugs and kisses were exchanged, and Jenna felt her eyes filling with tears before she could blink them away.

‘Oh, dear,’ she mumbled, setting Lulu down and wiping her eyes with a nearby napkin.

‘Jenna, are you alright?’ Dawn asked, her eyes wide.

‘Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine,’ Jenna said, trying to laugh, but hiccoughing instead. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Becky giving her an encouraging look. She ignored her. ‘It’s just an emotional day, is all.’

Dawn looked unconvinced, but knew better than to pry any further.

* * *

Later that night, Jenna tucked Lulu into bed (having finally persuaded her that _sleeping_ in her apron was perhaps not a good idea). Then, she padded through to her own room and collapsed onto her own bed, heaving a heavy sigh. It had been a lovely, albeit exhausting day.

She scrolled quickly through her phone, making notes of everything she had to do the following week. Halloween was in a matter of days, and she needed to prepare the special pie. It would be her Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice pumpkin pie. She made it every year, and it always went down a treat. She was tapping out the ingredients she needed to buy in, when a message buzzed through from Dawn.

_OH MY GOD YOU’RE PREGNANT?_

Jenna sighed, though her face broke into a smile.

‘Dammit, Becky,’ she whispered.


	16. Chapter 16

The next week passed so slowly that Jenna felt as if she was wading through treacle. Everything felt heavy, and difficult (and her ever-reliable morning sickness didn’t help matters). Halloween arrived on the Friday, and Lulu went trick-or-treating with Hannah while Jenna finished up at the diner. When Jenna picked her up, Lulu was all but bouncing off the walls due to the amount of sugar she’d consumed, and Jill’s response was to laugh and say, ‘Well, it’s only once a year, right?’ It was something of a trial getting Lulu to sleep that night.

On the Saturday evening, Jenna was sat on her couch, engaged in a text conversation with Dawn. Tomorrow was Ogie’s birthday, and Dawn was frantically confirming every detail about the Meet Your Dream chocolate cream pie: “How long does it need in the oven?” “Do I add the chocolate to the passionfruit or the passionfruit to the chocolate?” “You know what, Jenna, can you just come over and do it for me?”

Jenna was just about to reassure Dawn, for what felt like the hundredth time, that everything would be completely fine, when her phone started ringing. It was Jim. Jenna felt her heart leap into her mouth. She had agonised over how to inform Jim of her having his baby, ever since she’d found out she was pregnant. She guessed she should tell him _before_ he got back, so he’d have time to process it. She stared at her phone, feeling it vibrate in her fingertips, before finally taking a deep breath and answering it.

‘Jim, hi -’

‘Hi, Jenna! Sorry, my phone’s about to die but I just wanted to let you know that I’m hoping to be back mid-afternoon tomorrow. I want to take you and Lulu out for dinner, do you think she’d like that? Would _you_ like that? I can’t wait to see you again, Jenna, I’ve missed you. Like, a lot. Okay, my phone’s beeping at me now so I’d better go soon – how are you? Sorry, I should have opened with that…’

Jenna listened to this all with her mouth slightly agape.

‘I’m – um – I’m fine, thanks,’ she stammered, when she was sure Jim had stopped speaking, ‘Where are you? You’re a little crackly.’

‘At a motel, somewhere in West Virginia. I guess the signal’s not too good… So, dinner?’

‘I’m not sure, Jim. It’s a school night -’

‘Oh, of course, that makes sense!’

‘It’s a sweet offer though! Maybe another day. Um, Jim, I -’

‘Oh, my phone’s gonna die so I’d better go. I’ll see you tomorrow!’

‘Jim, I have to -’

And then the line went dead. Jenna put her phone down, then leaned forward over her knees to gently thud her forehead against the table.

* * *

Jenna walked Lulu to Becky’s house the next day. Hand in hand, they chattered about school, and the diner, and what they were going to do for Thanksgiving; there was a fireworks display taking place in a nearby town which Lulu was _very_ interested in.

‘So, what are you going to do with Becky today?’ Jenna asked her daughter.

‘I think I’ll do some colouring with my new pencils,’ Lulu replied, grinning.

‘Oh, really? Is Becky allowed to use them?’

Lulu suddenly looked serious. ‘Only if she _promises_ not to tickle me,’ she said.

Jenna giggled, giving Lulu’s hand a squeeze, and the pair of them walked up the path to Becky’s house.

Becky opened her front door with a wickedly mischievous grin, and Jenna couldn’t help but subtly roll her eyes.

‘Hi, little girl!’ Becky greeted Lulu, tugging on her pigtails, ‘How are you today?’

‘Good!’ Lulu replied, running into the house and down the hallway.

‘And how are _you_?’ Becky asked Jenna, arching an eyebrow.

‘Oh, you know, same train wreck,’ Jenna replied with a wave of her hand.

‘When’s he back?’

‘If his texts are anything to go by, in about an hour.’

Jenna glanced at her watch. It was just after two o’clock.

‘He said he’d ring when he got back,’ she added.

‘Okay. Well, just let me know when you want to collect Lulu,’ Becky said with a smile.

‘Thanks, Becky. I’m sorry to dump her on you again. Hopefully everything’ll be a bit easier from now on,’ Jenna murmured, looking at her shoes and gesticulating with uncertain hands.

‘Don’t worry, girl! It’s no trouble,’ Becky said, taking one of Jenna’s hands in her own. ‘I think Lulu’s pretty oblivious,’ she whispered.

Jenna nodded. ‘I guess so,’ she said, ‘I don’t know how I’m gonna explain this all to her. It confuses _me_ , never mind a six-year-old.’

‘Take it a bit at a time. See how things go with Jim. Does he know about _this_ situation yet?’ Becky asked, gesturing to Jenna’s stomach.

Flinching, Jenna wrapped her arms around her middle and shook her head. ‘No. I was gonna tell him when he rang last night, but his phone died before I could.’

‘Well, there’s your starting point,’ Becky said, pulling Jenna into a hug.

‘Becky! Come colour!’ came Lulu’s voice from the kitchen.

‘Coming, Lulu!’ Becky called over her shoulder. She turned back to Jenna, hugged her again, then guided her out of the door. ‘I’ll see you later.’

‘Yeah, see you.’

* * *

Jenna sat in her front room, twiddling her thumbs. She stared at the clock on the wall, watching as the seconds dragged themselves by. She’d put the television on for a bit, but couldn’t concentrate on anything. She just kept flicking her eyes back to the clock.

She was performing another thorough examination of the time when her phone started ringing and made her jump almost a foot in the air. She looked at the screen and saw that it was Jim.

‘Hello?’ she answered, her heart hammering.

‘Okay, so I may possibly have gotten a speeding ticket on that last highway as I drove _really_ irresponsibly, but I was just so _done_ with driving and being away from you that I stepped on it,’ Jim babbled without drawing breath.

‘Right. Um. I’m not sure how to respond to that,’ Jenna laughed. ‘Where are you? Are you back yet?’

‘Look outside,’ Jim whispered.

Jenna did so, peering out of her front window to the street outside. Sure enough, there, leaning triumphantly against his car, was Jim. He met her gaze and waved, a little awkwardly. Gasping, Jenna ended the call and ran out of the house towards him.

Her arms were around his neck and her lips were on his before any more nervous words could be exchanged. He wrapped her in his arms so tightly that her feet hovered a few inches above the floor. She squeaked in surprise and had blurted out “Careful!” before she had a chance to think about it. He immediately set her down, looking at her in surprise.

‘You okay?’ he asked, giving her a confused smile.

‘I – um – yeah. Kind of. Can we – can we talk? Inside?’ Jenna said quietly, returning his smile in some effort to reassure him.

Jim nodded briskly, taking Jenna’s hand and walking with her back towards the house.

They sat next to each other on the couch, turning to face each other. Jenna looked down at her clasped hands in her lap, feeling weighted by the silence, and by Jim’s eyes.

‘Okay,’ she said, after a few moments, ‘I don’t think there’s an easy way to tell you this -’

‘Jenna, have you changed your mind? It’s okay if you have -’

She did look at him then, and urgently. ‘No!’ she said, reaching for his hands, ‘Not that. I promise, not that. It’s – um – I…’

Jenna sighed, shakily. Jim ran a hand up her arm to her shoulder. She took a deep breath, feeling her eyes prickle, then said, ‘I’m pregnant, Jim. I’m sorry. I know this has made a mess of everything, and if this is too much for you, I get it. Like, if you need to take some time, that’s okay. You don’t _have_ to do anything, if you don’t want to. But, that’s it. I – um – I don’t know what else to say.’

Jim blinked a few times. He removed his hand from Jenna’s shoulder and ran it through his hair, puffing his cheeks out.

‘Wow,’ he whispered.

Jenna nodded, hardly daring to look at him.

‘Are you sure?’ he asked her.

She nodded again. ‘I’m sorry,’ she croaked, her voice breaking with the onset of tears. She was wrapped up in Jim in an instant.

‘Don’t be,’ he whispered, ‘ _I’m_ the one who should be sorry.’

‘Well, let’s say we’re both sorry,’ Jenna replied with a watery little giggle.

‘So, we’re having a baby,’ Jim breathed.

Jenna nodded. She felt his hand stroke down her front and splay across her stomach. She smiled.

‘You won’t be able to feel much. It’s the size of a sweet pea, apparently,’ she whispered, recalling a leaflet she’d been given by Dr Perkins at the surgery.

Jim turned Jenna in his arms so she faced him. With his thumb, he gently wiped away her tears, then leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. She snuggled against his chest and they held each other. Jim stroked her hair, saying nothing but saying everything. He didn’t pull away, or look at her again. He just held her tightly, for twenty minutes straight.


	17. Chapter 17

‘I love you,’ she whispered.

‘I love you, too.’

Jenna, reluctantly, pulled herself from Jim’s embrace and stood up from the sofa. She smoothed her dress down, and swept her hands over her face to perk herself up. She felt Jim’s hand move up to rest on her lower back, supporting her. He stood up behind her and she leant back against his chest, sighing.

‘I’m gonna go and get Lulu,’ she said, turning to face him.

‘Okay,’ he replied, smiling, ‘I should get going, actually, I’ve got some unpacking to do.’

Jenna nodded.

‘I’ll ring you later,’ he suggested, though it sounded more like a question.

Jenna nodded again. He placed a hand on her chin to tilt it upwards, so she was gazing into his eyes. He leaned down, and kissed her gently.

‘I’ve missed you,’ he murmured.

‘I’ve missed you, too.’

* * *

Jenna was awakened early the next morning by her phone ringing. Blearily, she grasped for it, anxious to hush its obnoxious noise before it woke up Lulu.

‘Hello?’ she mumbled, holding the phone to her ear and rubbing her eyes with her free hand.

‘Jenna… it’s happening, it’s really happening.’

‘Dawn?’ Jenna felt suddenly wide awake, ‘Are you alright?’

‘The baby’s coming! We’re driving to the hospital now, and -’

Dawn’s words dissolved into a panicked groan of pain. Jenna sat bolt upright.

‘I’ll be right there,’ she said hurriedly, glancing at the clock. It was just after five-thirty in the morning.

‘I’m sorry, Jenna,’ Dawn whimpered.

‘Why?’

‘I woke you up. I just didn’t think. You don’t have to come but -’ Dawn yelped, ‘No, yes you do! Oh my God. I need you, Jenna. I’m scared, and it _hurts_ , and -’

‘Dawn, calm down,’ Jenna said with as much firmness as she could summon in her sleepiness. Shortly after, Lulu padded into her bedroom, yawning. ‘Hey,’ Jenna mouthed at her, tapping the bed next to her for Lulu to join her. ‘Dawn, take deep breaths. Okay?’ she said into the phone, ‘I’m coming.’

She ended the call and put her phone down on her nightstand. Lulu looked at her, puzzled.

‘What’s wrong with Dawn, Mama?’ she asked.

‘She’s having her baby, darling.’

‘Yay!’ Lulu squealed, ‘Will we see the baby when it’s born?’

‘I think so, don’t you?’ Jenna replied, smiling, ‘How about you go and get into your clothes?’

Lulu nodded, hopping off the bed and running through to her own room.

Jenna heaved herself up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Then, she reached for her phone and rang Jim. She knew he was an early riser, though she feared that even _he_ wouldn’t be up this early. But she didn’t know who else to call.

‘Jenna? You okay?’ he answered after three rings. He sounded a little drowsy, and Jenna felt a pang of guilt for waking him.

‘Hi, Jim, sorry it’s so early. Um, Dawn’s having her baby – did I mention she was pregnant? Anyway, she’s at the hospital and needs me there. I don’t think Lulu should come, it’ll probably scar her for life, but obviously I can’t leave her alone, and Becky will want to be there for Dawn, so -’

‘You want me to look after her?’ Jim asked brightly.

‘Well, yeah,’ Jenna replied, relieved that he’d suggested it before she had to, ‘Is that alright? I shouldn’t be too long, hopefully.’

‘Of _course_ it is,’ Jim said, ‘I’ll be, like, twenty minutes.’

‘Thank you so much, Jim. I owe you one.’

Jenna smiled, feeling warm, and clicked the phone off. Then she rang Becky.

‘Dawn’s having her baby!’ Becky said in lieu of a greeting, her voice croaky with sleep but nonetheless excited.

‘I know! Do you want to meet in like twenty minutes?’

‘Sure thing. I’ll drive!’

Jenna ended the call, then got up off the bed. She dressed in her work clothes, inspected herself in the mirror, then went to check on Lulu. She was puzzled to see that her daughter was rushing around her bedroom, collecting various objects and flinging them onto her bed.

‘What you doing, girl?’ she questioned.

‘I’m packing things for Dawn and the baby to do in the hospital, Mama! Come see,’ Lulu replied, jumping onto her bed and gathering her chosen items about her. Jenna climbed onto the bed opposite her and scanned her eyes over them. There were books, and toys, and even Lulu’s new colouring pencils from Becky.

‘Lulu, baby, we may have to narrow these down a little bit,’ Jenna whispered, ‘How about you choose one book and one toy?’

‘But what if they get bored?’ Lulu asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

‘They won’t, sweetheart,’ Jenna replied, reaching to stroke Lulu’s head, ‘Which book’s your favourite?’

Lulu held up _The Cat in the Hat_ in triumph. Jenna laughed.

‘I thought so. And your favourite toy?’

Lulu frowned in contemplation, tapping her index finger on her chin. She finally decided on a little doll, which came with two outfits to dress it up in. ‘I think the baby might like to play with this!’ she explained, pushing the doll and the book into her rucksack.

‘Well, the baby won’t be able to play with it just yet, Lulu,’ Jenna said, standing up from the bed and holding her hand out for her daughter to take.

‘Why?’ Lulu asked, jumping onto the floor and grabbing onto Jenna’s hand, her bag held in the other.

‘It won’t know how to. Babies don’t know anything when they’re born.’

Lulu’s eyes were wide.

‘Poor babies,’ she said emphatically.

Then, there was a knock at the door. Feeling her heart flutter, Jenna knelt down and took Lulu’s hands in her own.

‘Okay, Lulu, I have to go to the hospital now,’ she began.

‘I’m coming with you!’ Lulu replied.

‘No, sweetheart, you have to stay here. I promise you can come visit the baby soon, alright? When all the fuss is over,’ Jenna said gently. ‘So, you remember Jim?’

Lulu frowned but nodded slowly, narrowing her eyes in recollection.

‘Well, Jim’s gonna look after you while I’m at the hospital. You be good for him, okay?’ Jenna said, standing up to go and open the front door.

Jim stood in the doorway and Jenna smiled at him gratefully.

‘Okay, you two look after each other. I’ll be back soon, alright?’ she said to her daughter, placing a hand on Jim’s arm.

‘Okay, Mama,’ said Lulu, giving Jim a shy smile.

Jenna took Lulu’s rucksack from her, after giving her a kiss on her cheek, then turned to Jim and reached for his hand. She gave it a tiny squeeze then left through the front door. The sound of an engine rumbled as a car pulled up alongside Jenna’s house. Becky stuck her head out of the window and waved. Jenna ran up to the car and slid into the passenger seat, flinging Lulu’s rucksack into the back.

‘I hope Dawn’s doing okay,’ Becky said as she pulled away.

‘If my experience is anything to go by, she’ll be wanting every drug under the sun,’ Jenna replied, arching an eyebrow.

Becky cackled, and drove speedily onwards towards St. Joseph’s hospital.

* * *

Dawn and Ogie’s son was born two tumultuous hours later. He was tiny, even by new-born standards, which given the diminutive stature of his parents was unsurprising. Dawn grasped at him with exhausted arms, looking at him with brimming eyes.

'I can't believe it,' she whispered. 'Look what we made.'

Ogie, for perhaps the first time in his life, was rendered speechless.

The first person to hold the new arrival after his parents was Jenna. She ran a gentle finger along his downy head, smiling tearfully at the way his little face screwed up and stretched as he blinked and saw the world for the first time.

‘He looks just like you, Dawn,’ she whispered, ‘All anxious.’

Dawn managed to giggle as she lay back on her pillows, holding Ogie’s hand.

‘What you gonna call him?’ Becky asked, gazing over Jenna’s shoulder at the baby boy and smiling.

Dawn and Ogie looked at each other and grinned.

‘Kenny,’ Dawn replied.

‘For Kentucky,’ Ogie added.

Jenna and Becky nodded, exchanging happy looks. It seemed fitting that Ogie, named for Oklahoma, should do the same for his son.

After a while, during which baby Kenny was passed again from his mother, to his father, to each of his godmothers, and to Dr Perkins (who had recently joined the group to check that Dawn was resting properly), Jenna and Becky prepared to leave the new family to get to know one another. It was established that Dawn and Kenny would stay in hospital for a couple of days, due to his week-early arrival.

‘Lulu wanted to give you a couple of things to keep you occupied,’ Jenna said, remembering Lulu’s rucksack. She produced _The Cat in the Hat_ and the ragdoll and dropped them onto Dawn’s bed.

‘Give her a big squeeze from me,’ Dawn said warmly, rocking her baby son gently in her arms.

‘Shall do!’ Jenna replied, ‘You take care of yourselves.’

* * *

By the time Becky dropped Jenna back at her house, it was almost half past eight. She opened the front door with haste, and walked straight into her front room, expecting to find Lulu there watching cartoons like usual. But the room was empty, the television switched off. Puzzled, Jenna strode into the hallway.

‘Lulu?’ she called, ‘Jim?’

‘In here!’ chorused two voices from the kitchen.

Jenna walked through to the kitchen and there she found Lulu and Jim, both sat at the table with glasses of juice and a slice of Strawberry Dream Pie.

‘Mama! Is Dawn okay?’ Lulu asked, jumping down from her chair and running towards her mother.

‘Yes, darling! She’s had a little boy called Kenny. You’ll meet him soon,’ Jenna replied, stroking Lulu’s head, ‘What have you two been up to?’

Jim, having stood up from the table, walked over to the pair of them and explained, ‘Lulu showed me how to make her Strawberry Dream pie.’

‘He did real good, Mama,’ Lulu said, sounding uncannily like Jenna did whenever she had praised her.

‘That’s great, sweetheart! Are you ready for school? We need to be setting off soon,’ Jenna said. Lulu nodded, running through to her bedroom and collecting her book bag.

‘I’ll drive you?’ Jim suggested.

‘That’d be great, thank you Jim,’ Jenna said with a smile, taking Jim’s hand in hers and holding it. She didn’t dare do anything more, not until she’d explained things to Lulu, though truth be told: she had no idea where to even _begin_ with explaining things to Lulu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a 5000 word assignment due in less than three weeks, so this is having to take a bit of a back seat - there'll still be updates, they just may be a little more sporadic. Hope you stick with it! Do let me know what you think :)


	18. Chapter 18

A few days later, it was Friday and approaching closing time at the diner. Jenna, Becky, and Nellie flitted amongst the customers, clearing away plates and engaging in amiable chit-chat, while Cal busied himself in the kitchen. Jenna had made the decision to close the diner at three o’clock on Fridays (with some serious persuasion from Becky) and truth be told, she was grateful for the extra spare time. With everything happening, with Jim, and the new baby, she felt even more weary than she did usually.

It had been arranged that Dawn would bring Kenny to visit the diner after closing, in order for Lulu to meet him. Once three o’clock arrived, Jenna gently ushered the remaining customers out the door, and her and Becky, Nellie and Cal set about tidying up. Before too long, Dawn came through the door, pushing a stroller. Nellie squealed and ran over to her, peering inside at the baby boy.

‘Oh, he’s _gorgeous_!’ she cried, ‘What’s his name?’

‘Kenny,’ Dawn said with a smile.

‘Cute,’ Nellie cooed, reaching in to stroke Kenny’s tiny, scrunched-up fist. He gripped her finger, blinking up at her and wrinkling his forehead.

‘How’s everything going, Dawn?’ Jenna asked, wiping her hands on a cloth and walking over to her.

‘Oh, it’s wonderful!’ Dawn said with a certain weary enthusiasm, ‘Is Lulu here? I know she wanted to meet Kenny.’

‘She should be soon,’ Jenna said, glancing at her watch, ‘Jim’s picking her up from school.’

‘Oh!’ Becky exclaimed pointedly from the counter, where she was packing away the leftover pies.

Jenna shot her a look, before stepping over to the stroller and greeting her godson. Nellie (and Dawn) looked a little confused, but decided against prying any further. Soon enough, Lulu pelted into the diner like a little whirlwind, followed closely by Jim, practically spinning over to her mother and yelping in excitement.

‘Hey, little girl!’ Jenna greeted, smiling, then looked up at Jim. ‘Hi,’ she said warmly.

Jim grinned at her.

‘Can I see him? Can I see him?’ Lulu asked Dawn, bouncing up and down on her toes.

Dawn nodded, with an anxious glance in Jenna’s direction. Jenna understood, and placed her hands firmly on Lulu’s shoulders to quell her bouncing.

‘You gotta be quiet, okay honey?’ Jenna whispered, ‘He’s only tiny. You don’t wanna scare him.’

‘No, I don’t,’ Lulu whispered solemnly, ceasing her bouncing immediately.

‘That’s a good girl,’ Jenna said.

‘You wanna hold him?’ Dawn asked Lulu.

Lulu nodded, her eyes like saucers. On Jenna’s instruction, she went and sat in a nearby chair, and Dawn carefully carried her baby son over to her. Ever so gently, she laid him down in Lulu’s lap, showing her how to support his head in the crook of her elbow. Lulu gazed down in wonder at Kenny’s squashed little face, and he squinted up at her with questioning eyes. Jenna crouched down next to them, looking at her daughter and godson with pride. Jim joined them and leaning over, placing a hand on Jenna’s shoulder. Without thinking, Jenna reached up and grasped his hand, tilting her cheek against it.

‘We’re gonna have _so_ much fun,’ Lulu whispered to Kenny, leaning down to plant the tiniest of kisses on his forehead. He squawked by way of response, and Lulu giggled.

‘He’s a worried little guy, ain’t he?’ Cal muttered, having strolled over from the kitchen to join the little group. He peered at the baby, wiping his hands on a cloth as he did so, and sniffed. His eyes crinkled a little though, and he gave a rare smile. ‘Good to see you, Dawn,’ he said to the new mother, who grinned at him, looking a little bewildered.

After a few quiet moments, Kenny started grizzling and squirming a little in Lulu’s arms. She looked up at Dawn, alarmed, and Dawn was quick to reassure her.

‘Someone’s hungry!’ she said, bending down to retrieve her son.

‘Me too,’ Lulu replied, with a hopeful glance towards her mother.

Jenna smiled, gave one of Lulu’s pigtails a tug, then got to her feet. Kenny’s disgruntled whimpers soon turned into woeful crying, and Dawn tutted and held him against her chest. She patted his back, and he snuffled into the woollen scarf she was wearing.

‘Home time,’ she announced to the group, looking a little overwhelmed.

‘Lovely to see you, Dawn. You ring if you need anything, okay?’ Jenna said.

‘Thanks, Jenna,’ Dawn said, gratefully.

‘Here, Dawn, I’ll push the stroller,’ Nellie offered, stepping forward to place her hands on the handles.

Dawn nodded at her, smiling, and the trio said goodbye once more, and left the diner.

‘Come on, Cal, that’s our cue,’ Becky said, marching towards the door.

‘Oh, sure,’ Cal muttered, apparently oblivious, ‘See you tomorrow, Jenna.’

Becky threw Jenna a gleeful grin before hustling Cal out of the door and shutting it behind them. Jenna shook her head, chuckling. Then she turned to Lulu, who had slung her rucksack over her back and was looking at her expectantly.

‘Right, little girl! Let’s lock up,’ Jenna said, before realising she was still holding Jim’s hand. She dropped it as if she had been burned. _No wonder Becky looked so damn pleased with herself_ , she thought. She looked up at Jim’s slightly confused expression and gave an apologetic shake of her head.

The three of them locked up the diner then all got into Jim’s car. Jenna felt her stomach knot itself up so tightly that she fidgeted in her seat. This did not go unnoticed by Jim, who placed his hand over hers once he’d pulled out of the parking lot. Needless to say, this did little to calm her down.

‘Hey, Lulu, didn’t you have some news?’ Jim said after a while, looking at her in the rear-view mirror.

‘Yeah!’ Lulu chirped, leaning forward in between the front seats. ‘Mama, there’s gonna be a Thanksgiving party!’

‘Oh, great!’ Jenna replied, turning to look at her daughter.

‘She was telling me all about it on the way to the diner,’ Jim explained, pulling up alongside Jenna’s house, ‘She has a letter in her bag.’

‘Thanks, Jim,’ Jenna said, smiling.

‘Will you stay for dinner?’ Lulu asked eagerly, ‘Mama, can Jim stay for dinner?’

‘Yes, Lulu, I think Jim can stay for dinner,’ Jenna said, looking at him and grinning.

* * *

Jenna hummed quietly as she stirred a pan of spaghetti, with her free hand resting just below her stomach. She was about a month and a half along now, and was due another visit to Dr Perkins the following week. The excited feelings stirred up inside her about the prospect of this new baby were wholly unfamiliar to her, but she was slowly getting used to them.

‘Hi, baby,’ she whispered, looking down at her abdomen and giving it a fond little pat.

Then, as if in response, she felt the tiniest flutter. She gasped, then left the spaghetti to simmer on the stove and walked through to the front room. Lulu was sat on the carpet with her chin in her hands, _Sesame Street_ on the television. Jim, who Lulu had invited to watch with her, was sat on the sofa behind her. To Jenna’s amusement, he looked genuinely interested in the programme. It was such a pleasant little scene that she almost didn’t interrupt, but then she felt another tiny flutter from her womb, and quickly walked into the room.

‘You guys having fun?’ she said, placing her hands on her hips to stop herself from twisting them together.

‘Yeah,’ Lulu replied, not turning away from the screen.

‘This is actually pretty great,’ Jim said earnestly, looking at Jenna and grinning.

‘Well, I hate to tear you away, but could you come to the kitchen for a minute?’ Jenna whispered, feeling worry creep into her voice despite her best efforts.

Jim nodded, his grin faltering slightly, and followed Jenna back through to the kitchen.

‘I felt the baby move,’ Jenna said abruptly, gripping the back of a chair for support.

‘Okay,’ Jim replied, looking (Jenna thought) annoyingly unconcerned.

‘Well, is it _meant_ to move yet? I’m only seven weeks gone. What if there’s something wrong? It’s still so early -’

‘Jenna,’ Jim said gently, ‘There’s nothing wrong. The baby starts to move around from about week seven onwards.’

‘But I never felt Lulu move this early on,’ Jenna protested, rubbing the back of her hand across her forehead.

‘You probably did, you just didn’t know that that’s what it was,’ Jim said calmly.

‘I – I just. I want it to be okay,’ Jenna whispered, bringing both hands to her stomach and sighing.

Jim stepped towards her and took her trembling hands in his own, then pulled her into a hug.

‘It will be,’ he murmured, kissing the top of her head.

When they pulled away, Jenna noticed Lulu stood in the doorway, looking deeply perplexed.

‘Oh, hi Lulu!’ she greeted nervously, ‘Right on time, dinner’s about ready.’

‘Okay…’ Lulu replied slowly.

Jenna could see her daughter trying to work out, in her young mind, the implications of what she’d seen. She felt her stomach twist and turn, and not just because of the baby. The time had come to tell Lulu everything, and she had no idea how to do it.

* * *

After a somewhat awkward dinner time, during which Lulu had examined him _very_ closely, Jim said goodbye and went home. He did not leave, however, before proclaiming Jenna’s spaghetti to be the very best spaghetti he’d ever eaten. Jenna had smiled, blushed a little, and dismissed it as just tomato sauce from a jar with a little extra basil thrown in, but Jim was adamant that she was still capable of doing unearthly things with food.

Jenna and Lulu cleaned up together, quietly, and then moved into the living room to watch some television before bed.

‘You okay, girl?’ Jenna asked her daughter after a few minutes of silence. Lulu was curled up in Jenna’s lap, looking intently at the screen.

‘Yeah,’ Lulu replied, though she sounded unconvinced.

‘You sure? You can talk about anything, you know that.’

‘Mama, is Jim my daddy?’ Lulu asked outright, shuffling around in her mother’s lap so that she could look at her face.

Jenna let out a little gasp at the question.

‘No, Jim’s not your daddy,’ she said.

‘But you were hugging him. He was hugging you,’ Lulu murmured in confusion, her brow furrowing.

‘Well,’ Jenna winced before continuing. ‘Okay, Lulu. I’m gonna tell you something, and you might not understand it completely, but I’m going to try my best. I know this is confusing for you, and I’m sorry. I want you to know, sweetheart, that you’re the most important person in all of this, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said Lulu, her eyes wide and inquisitive.

And Jenna told her. Her explanation was halting, and she skipped over the particularly painful parts. She told Lulu how lost she used to be, in her old life. Jim was a friend to her, and helped her find the strength to make her life better. She told Lulu that once she was born, everything was turned upside down, and Jim had to go away. Then, she told her that Jim had come back two months ago (she couldn’t believe it had only been two months) and they’d decided to be friends again. It was a drastically simplified version of events, but it was the only way she could conceive of telling a six-year-old.

‘But what about my daddy?’ Lulu asked. During Jenna’s revelation, she had snuggled down against her mother’s chest and was yawning.

‘Lulu, I’m afraid you won’t ever meet your daddy,’ Jenna said softly.

‘But why?’

Jenna felt her chest tighten, and she bit her lip. ‘He was – he was a bad man. It took me a long time to see it. When you were born, I decided that he wasn’t allowed to come near us. To keep us both safe. But, bad as he was, he did do one very good thing.’

‘What?’

Jenna wrapped both arms around her daughter and held her tightly.

‘He gave me _you_.’


	19. Chapter 19

It became something of a routine from then on: on Fridays, providing his schedule allowed, Jim would pick Lulu up from school and bring her to the diner. Jenna could see that Lulu was growing more and more trusting of him, in the way she spoke to him and about him. One particular Friday, they practically skipped into the diner, swinging their clasped hands between them.

‘Hiya, Mama!’ Lulu sang.

‘Well, you two sure look happy!’ Jenna replied, stepping forwards to greet them.

‘It’s the party next week, Mama,’ Lulu explained, wide-eyed. ‘You and Jim have to come!’

‘Which party, sweetheart?’

‘Thanksgiving!’ Lulu answered, grinning.

‘Oh, I don’t know, sweetie,’ Jenna said gently, ‘I’ll be working. And Jim might be busy too.’

Lulu looked crestfallen. ‘Okay,’ she sighed.

‘But,’ Jenna added, crouching down to Lulu’s level, ‘We’ll have an extra special party at home. You still wanna go to see the fireworks?’

Lulu seemed to perk up, and nodded vigorously. Jenna smiled and straightened up, taking Lulu’s free hand in her own. Then, in tandem, they strolled out of the diner towards Jim’s car.

‘Oh, I’m going to Hannah’s house tomorrow,’ Lulu announced as they walked.

‘Yes, her mama rang to tell me yesterday,’ Jenna said, nodding, ‘It’s her birthday, right?’

‘Yep, we’re having a _sleepover_ ,’ Lulu told her, her eyes glowing with the sheer novelty of it all.

‘Ah,’ Jenna replied, grinning. She stole a quick glance at Jim, to see him looking straight at her. Averting her gaze, she felt a blush creep into her cheeks and returned her attention to Lulu.

* * *

The next evening, Jenna stood in her kitchen and baked. She had safely delivered a very over-excited Lulu to Hannah’s house, and was now waiting for Jim to arrive. There had been no question of him staying the night, although Jenna still felt a gnawing uncertainty in the back of her head. She knew that, at some point, all the sneaking around would have to stop.

Lulu seemed to have gotten more used to having a persistent male presence in her life; she _liked_ Jim. Her initial suspicion of him had all but faded away, and Jenna felt like she could take some tentative footsteps towards introducing him as a more permanent fixture in their lives. She would have to, for in a few short months, they would be parents. That thought still made her shiver.

A knock at the front door pulled her from her thoughts, and she walked through to answer it. The nervous, earnest smile Jim wore when she opened the door to see him warmed her insides.

‘Hi,’ she whispered, leaning her head against the edge of the door, and looking at him.

‘Hey, Jenna,’ he replied.

She glanced down and noticed he was holding a bouquet of red roses. He followed her gaze and looked bashful.

‘I, um… I didn’t know what you liked. I figured everyone likes roses… This is super cheesy, I know. But…’

‘They’re lovely,’ Jenna said gently, reaching for his hand and delicately interlocking her fingers with his. ‘Dinner’s almost ready. Hope you’re hungry.’

He nodded with enthusiasm, and followed her through to the kitchen. Jenna retrieved a glass vase from the cupboard below the sink, filled it halfway with water, then took the roses from Jim and began trimming their stalks. Then, she carefully arranged them in the vase, before placing them in the centre of the table.

‘You’re even good with flowers? Seriously,’ Jim exclaimed.

Jenna chuckled and returned her attention to the oven. On the top shelf was a chicken parmigiana, and on the bottom shelf was a pie. She pulled out the chicken and placed it on the counter, next to two plates. Carefully, she placed a piece of chicken on each plate, spooning the rich tomato sauce over the top. Then, she handed one plate to Jim, and motioned for them to sit down at the table.

‘So, how’s Lulu?’ Jim asked as soon as they were settled. ‘This looks delicious, by the way.’

‘She’s fine,’ Jenna answered, cutting up her chicken, ‘I wonder how much sleep she’ll actually get, though…’

Jim chuckled, then paused a while, his hands holding his knife and fork and hovering a few inches above his plate. ‘Is she – does she… um… does she like me?’ he asked quietly.

Jenna nodded. ‘Yeah, she does,’ she said hesitantly.

‘You don’t sound so sure…’ Jim replied, resting his hands on the table in defeat.

‘No, she does. It’s just taken a bit of getting used to for her to have a man in her life; she’s not had that before. But honestly, she does like you,’ Jenna babbled, reaching for Jim’s hand across the table. ‘You’d know about it if she didn’t,’ she added in a whisper. Jim smiled meekly.

Jenna wondered if she should tell Jim about the conversation she’d had with Lulu a couple of weeks previously. There was no simple way to bring it up, but she still thought that Jim ought to know.

‘You know, a couple of weeks ago, she um…’ Jenna faltered and ate a mouthful of chicken. She looked at Jim, who was looking at her openly. She swallowed, inhaled, and continued, ‘She asked if – if you were her father.’

Jim just looked at her silently, and she felt awkward, so quickly returned her attention to her food.

‘Really?’ he asked. His voice was heightened slightly, and Jenna looked up at him again and peered at him, trying to figure out how he felt. He looked pleasantly surprised, if a little anxious, and she held his gaze for a few moments before realising she hadn’t answered him.

‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘She saw us hugging, put two and two together, and made five,’ she added, laughing nervously.

Jim chewed his food in contemplation.

‘Do you think – she’d _like_ me to be her father?’ he asked softly.

Jenna flinched a little. ‘I don’t know, Jim,’ she answered honestly, ‘I think she needs more time. She likes you, for sure, but it’s always been me and her. I’m not going to push her in any direction, and neither should you,’ Jim nodded vigorously, and Jenna continued gently, ‘It’s Lulu’s decision.’

Jim nodded again, looking worried.

‘I think she likes having you around, though,’ Jenna whispered, reaching for his hand again.

He smiled, looking genuinely relieved.

The pair of them finished their meal in companionable silence, and then Jim insisted on clearing away the plates and dishes, and washing them. Jenna watched him as he stood at the sink, scrubbing each plate and utensil until it gleamed. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning the side of her head against his back.

‘We’re almost there,’ she whispered.

‘Almost where?’

‘Almost _settled_ ,’ Jenna said, rising onto her tip toes to place a kiss on Jim’s cheek.

He turned to her and smiled, then handed her a dish towel. She laughed, and began drying up.

‘What’s baking?’ Jim asked, sniffing appreciatively.

‘You’ll find out,’ Jenna answered, giving him a coy smile.

* * *

After everything had been washed, dried, and put away, Jenna and Jim sat snuggled up on the sofa. Jenna leant her head against Jim’s chest, feeling its comforting rise and fall, and peered at whatever trashy quiz show was on television. Then, she glanced at her watch and heaved herself into a sitting position.

‘Pie’s ready,’ she announced.

‘Oh, great!’ Jim replied, sitting up and getting to his feet. ‘What kind is it?’

‘Patience,’ Jenna whispered, biting her lip slightly and stroking his cheek.

She quietly moved through to the kitchen, feeling Jim following closely behind her. When she reached the oven, she crouched down to switch it off and produce the finished pie. She straightened up, and turned to face Jim, holding the pie in front of her.

‘In-the-dark… dark chocolate pie,’ she breathed, looking up at him through her eyelashes, almost shyly.

‘Oh, my God,’ Jim whispered.

Within milli-seconds, he had taken the pie from her, placed it on the counter next to them, and wrapped her tightly in his arms. He kissed her, hungrily, and she let out the tiniest moan as he trailed down the side of her neck.

‘Do you not – _want_ – any pie?’ she panted.

‘I do,’ he whispered between kisses, ‘But… I want _you_ more.’

She grinned, wrapped both arms around his neck, and allowed him to lift her into his arms and carry her through to her bedroom. He gently laid her on the bed, and she reached for him with both arms. She smiled as he hovered above her, then lightly pushed him onto his back and sat astride his hips. She gazed down at him as she slowly started undoing the buttons of her shirt.

‘Have I ever told you how _beautiful_ you are?’ he whispered, running his hands up her thighs and settling them at her lower back.

She bit her lip and giggled, feeling her cheeks heat, then removed her shirt and tossed it to the floor. Leaning over him, she reached for the lamp on her nightstand, and with one last gleeful grin in his direction, she switched it off.


	20. Chapter 20

Jenna awoke gently the next morning, cocooned in Jim’s arms. She could feel his breath, hot on the back of her neck, and she pressed herself ever so slightly against his chest and sighed. There was a tensing, quivering sensation in the pit of her stomach, but she tried to ignore it for the time being. She felt warm, and safe, and happy, and she thought she could stop her ever-reliable morning sickness just by sheer will-power.

But she thought wrong.

Quickly, quietly, she extricated herself from Jim’s slumber-weighted limbs and grabbed her bathrobe from behind her door. Wrapping it around her, she quickly pattered to the bathroom and clicked the door closed behind her. She’d rather Jim didn’t see this particular element of her morning routine.

Afterwards, she flushed all evidence away and cleaned her teeth, before swilling no less than three successive capfuls of mouthwash around her mouth. Then, she peered at herself in the mirror. She peeled away the top of her bathrobe to reveal the bare skin of her neck; it was speckled with the little purple marks he’d left so ardently on her the night before. Tracing her fingers over them, she gasped quietly as they tingled beneath her touch, but she couldn’t help a slight smile.

When she went back into her bedroom, she noticed Jim still appeared to be fast asleep, limbs spread at various angles. She slotted herself in as neatly as she could, and soon his arm was flung over her waist and he had pulled her close to him.

‘Good morning,’ he whispered, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

‘Good morning,’ Jenna murmured, closing her eyes and snuggling back against his chest, ‘Sorry I woke you.’

‘It’s okay, it’s a nice way to wake up,’ Jim said, reaching for the tie of her bathrobe and winding it between his fingers. He tucked his chin in the space where her neck met her shoulder and sighed. ‘Can I smell peppermint?’ he asked, puzzled.

Jenna laughed quietly. ‘Um, yeah. I had some… business, to take care of,’ she explained evasively, turning her head into her pillow a little and blushing. ‘You know… baby stuff.’

‘Ah,’ Jim breathed, understanding. His fingers were still wound in the tie of her bathrobe. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Mm-hm,’ Jenna said happily, finally turning over in his arms and facing him. ‘Are _you_ okay?’ she asked, conversationally.

Jim chuckled at the formality. ‘Yes, I’m okay.’

‘Good,’ Jenna whispered, tilting her head towards his and kissing him softly. ‘You want breakfast?’

‘Mm-hm,’ Jim replied, kissing her again and tentatively walking his fingers around her middle and finally wrapping both arms around her. Before too long, he was hovering above her and had moved his kisses to her neck, supporting himself with one hand and tugging at her bathrobe tie with the other.

‘I meant _food_ , Jim,’ she said pointedly, arching an eyebrow, but making absolutely no moves to stop him. She caught Jim’s eyes as he finally undid her bathrobe and eased the garment open, and self-consciously looked away. It wasn’t until she felt his fingers dancing along her ribcage and settling at the base of her neck that she brought herself to meet his gaze. He’d noticed the marks that he’d left on her and was tutting, stroking them gently.

‘Sorry about that…’ he whispered.

‘It’s okay,’ she laughed, reaching for his hand and giving it a quick squeeze, ‘At least it’s scarf season…’

Jim grinned and resumed, trailing kisses down between her breasts and over the soft expanse of her gently-rounded stomach. He met her eyes once more, as if asking permission, before retreating beneath the covers and settling himself neatly between her legs. She felt his hands on her knees, gently easing them further apart, and she drew in a ragged breath. His hair tickled her as he slowly pressed soft, fluttering kisses down her inner thighs, and she drew her bottom lip between her teeth in anticipation. Then, after an agonising pause, he kissed her _there_ , and she covered her face with her hands and whimpered, her head falling back into her pillow.

* * *

By the time Jenna and Jim finally pulled themselves from bed, it was almost eleven o’clock. Jenna cooked scrambled eggs for breakfast, humming quietly as she prodded them around the pan. Jim sat at the table, consulting his diary and indulging in a slice of the dark chocolate pie they had abandoned the night before.

‘When are you picking up Lulu?’ he asked.

‘I said no later than twelve, so I think I’ll go in about a half hour,’ Jenna answered, sprinkling a little cracked black pepper over the eggs before spooning them onto two slices of toast. She carried the plates over to the table and placed one down in front of him, and the other in the place opposite him. Jim closed his diary with a snap, and scanned his eyes over the offering.

‘Looks delicious,’ he said enthusiastically.

Jenna giggled. ‘It’s literally eggs and bread, Jim. _Lulu_ can cook it.’

‘Not like you can,’ he said good-naturedly, picking up his knife and fork and digging in.

Jenna did the same, eyeing him steadily as he ate. She managed a few small mouthfuls; she still felt a little queasy due to the morning sickness, but there was a little knot of nerves mixed in with the nausea. Jenna finally rested her knife and fork on the edge of her plate, took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak.

‘I want to tell her today,’ she announced quietly.

Jim looked up at her, chewing on a mouthful of food. His fork was frozen mid-air, hovering near the corner of his mouth.

‘Tell who what?’ he asked, bringing the fork down to rest on the table.

Jenna gave him a mildly exasperated look.

‘I want to tell Lulu about the baby,’ she said.

‘Oh,’ Jim said, finally placing both his knife and fork on the plate and interlocking his fingers. ‘Okay.’

‘You don’t think I should?’ Jenna questioned, trying desperately to read his expression.

‘No, no, I think you should. Obviously, you should. I just – wow,’ he stuttered, running a hand through his hair.

Jenna compressed her lips until they all but disappeared, feeling a little frustrated. ‘Jim,’ she began, ‘What’s the problem?’

‘There’s no problem,’ he insisted, smiling a little too widely.

‘What’s that weird expression for then?’ Jenna asked bluntly.

Jim looked a little wounded and started fiddling with a loose piece of thread on the sleeve of his shirt.

‘I just – I think – how,’ Jim stammered through the various sentence-starters before sighing and pressing his lips together.

‘You’re worried about how she’ll react?’ Jenna guessed gently, reaching for his hand across the table.

Jim nodded, finally meeting her eyes. ‘I don’t know if it’ll just overwhelm her? I still don’t think she’s even fully used to _me_ yet, never mind a new brother or sister,’ he mumbled.

Jenna nodded, chewing her lip in contemplation. ‘Maybe I’ll wait. But I’ll have to tell her pretty soon; won’t be too much longer till I’ll start showing…’ she began uncertainly, ‘And she _will_ notice, and she’ll probably tell me I’m getting fat,’ she added in a whisper, smiling.

Jim chuckled quietly, ‘Well, we wouldn’t want that.’

They smiled at each other, and then Jim looked at Jenna’s abandoned scrambled eggs.

‘Eat that up,’ he said firmly, ‘You need the protein.’

Jenna smirked and picked up her knife and fork obediently. ‘Yes, Doctor Pomatter,’ she murmured, an edge of flirtation creeping into her voice.

* * *

Jenna sat with Lulu tucked up beside her on the sofa that evening, watching some kids’ cartoon on the television. She wasn’t paying much attention to it; rather, she stared blankly at the screen and barely tuned into the sound of it. Everything was fuzzy, and uncertain, and her mind seemed determined to force her attention away from the room she was in and focus it on the question of this new baby. Absently, she moved one hand to rest gently below her navel. Her abdomen quivered a little, and her fingers tensed.

She was pulled abruptly from her reverie when Lulu clambered into her lap and leaned against her chest. Jenna didn’t think she would ever tire of feeling the comforting weight of her daughter against her, but truthfully, now that she was six, she was getting a little heavy. The girl fidgeted uncomfortably on Jenna’s knee, apparently disgruntled that she couldn’t fit as well as she used to. When she finally slumped back against her mother once more, perturbed at her apparent lack of attention and exhaling sharply, Jenna gasped and whispered, ‘Careful, sweetheart.’

Lulu shifted around in her mother’s lap to face her, puzzled.

‘Hm?’ she questioned, with curious eyes.

‘I’m a little, um… tired,’ Jenna explained, floundering for an explanation which wouldn’t arouse further suspicion. But, of course, young as she was, Lulu was a shrewd little thing; Jenna could tell by the way her eyes narrowed that she was trying to work out why her mother’s tiredness should affect her cuddling abilities _now_ , when she was _always_ tired due to how hard she worked.

‘Why?’ Lulu probed, tilting her head idly to the side.

‘Well…’ Jenna began, swallowing. ‘Lulu, I’ve got something to tell you.’

She took a deep breath, and gently eased Lulu an inch or so towards her knees, taking the weight off her stomach. This then allowed her to sit up a little further, which she did so. Jim’s worried words echoed in her head, but she tried valiantly to quell them. Jenna had made up her mind that morning that she would tell Lulu today, and she was never one who changed her mind easily.

‘Lulu, I’m -’ Jenna stammered, closing her eyes for a few moments to gather herself.

‘Mama?’ Lulu questioned, placing her hand gently on top of her mother’s. Jenna was struck by the soft maturity of the action, and snapped her eyes open, breathing deeply. She looked into her daughter’s young, inquisitive eyes, and tried desperately not to cry.

‘Lulu, I’m – I’m gonna have a baby,’ Jenna whispered.

A myriad of emotions flickered across Lulu’s face: shock, excitement, uncertainty. The expression she settled on had her eyebrows furrowed in intense puzzlement.

‘How do you feel about that?’ Jenna asked, tilting her head in attempt to meet her daughter’s downturned eyes.

Lulu glanced at her and gave a miniscule shake of her head. Her bottom lip started to wobble, and she twisted her hands together in her lap.

‘Why?’ she asked quietly, looking up at her mother.

‘Well, I – I just am, baby,’ Jenna said, feeling her chest tighten.

Without a word, Lulu clambered off Jenna’s lap and ran to her bedroom.

‘Lulu…’ Jenna called after her uselessly, heaving herself to her feet and going after her. She walked into Lulu’s room to find her daughter lying face down on the bed, her shoulders shaking and her cries muffled by her quilt.

‘Lulu, why are you upset?’ Jenna asked desperately, climbing onto the bed and sitting next to Lulu, placing a hand on her back. She hadn’t had any idea of how Lulu would react to her news, but never had she imagined she would react like _this_.

After her cries had subsided a little, Lulu sat up and away from her mother, not meeting her gaze.

‘What if,’ she began in a small voice, ‘What if you love the baby more than you love me?’

And that made Jenna’s blood turn to ice.

‘Lulu,’ she started, but found her voice wouldn’t work. ‘Lulu,’ she tried again, hoarsely, ‘I promise I won’t love this baby more than you.’

The words tasted metallic in her mouth. Lulu had only directly reminded Jenna of Earl a handful of times in her life, mostly when she’d been angry or upset about something, and there’d been a flash of something darker in her brown eyes. But this was the first time that an image of his contorted face had seared across her mind’s eye, when she’d told him about her pregnancy with Lulu. Jenna brought a trembling hand up to her forehead in some attempt to press the picture from her mind. She felt the space next to her on the bed depress as Lulu moved alongside her. When a small hand was placed on the wrist of the hand which she had clamped to her forehead, she flinched.

‘Mama?’ Lulu whispered.

Jenna removed her hand and looked at her daughter with brimming eyes. ‘Lulu, I _promise_ I won’t love this baby more than you. Okay? You _must_ believe that,’ her voice was cracking and she could feel the swell of a tear in the corner of her eye.

‘Okay,’ Lulu replied, nodding with wide eyes.

‘Come here,’ Jenna murmured, holding her arms out for Lulu to clamber into them. She held her like that for a few moments, and then glanced at the clock and saw that it was after nine o’clock. ‘Time you went to sleep,’ she whispered into Lulu’s hair, and her daughter heaved a sigh.

Once Lulu was tucked up in bed, still snuffling, Jenna went to turn the television off and make herself a cup of strong tea. She poured boiling water into the mug, and pushed the tea bag around the mug with such tense aggression that it burst. Instead of tutting in annoyance like she would usually at such a mild inconvenience, she burst into tears. Reaching for her phone, wiping the hot droplets from her cheeks, she rang Jim.

‘Hello?’ came his voice after the third ring.

‘Jim -’ Jenna choked.

‘Jenna, are you alright?’

‘I – no. Could you – could you come over?’

‘Sure. I’ll be there soon,’ Jim’s voice was full of concern and it made Jenna feel like someone was squeezing her heart, but she ended the call with no explanation, and stood in the kitchen with both hands bracing the countertop. She tried desperately to calm herself down.

When Jim arrived on her doorstep, she walked straight into his arms and pressed her forehead against his chest, feeling his warmth and breathing him in. She knew he’d most likely be confused, but there was some assurance in the way he held her that he wasn’t going to question anything. He just wanted to make her feel better.

‘I – um. I told her about the baby,’ she whispered after a few moments. ‘She’s okay about it, but it just – um – it brought back some stuff. I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want me to tell her yet, but it just happened, and -’

Jim made a gentle shushing sound, sliding one hand up her back and cradling her head. She felt his chin tilt against her temple, and wrapped her arms more tightly around his waist.

‘It’s okay,’ he whispered.

He reached for her chin to tilt her head up towards him, and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

‘It’s okay,’ he said again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay with this chapter - I've been buried under lesson plans...


	21. Chapter 21

‘Girl, you don’t look happy.’

‘Hm?’

‘I said, you don’t look happy.’

Jenna shrugged, turning her attention to her mug of tea. Becky sat across from her, at Jenna’s kitchen table, hands folded around her own mug, lips pursed in that knowing way which Jenna had grown fondly irritated by in the years they’d been friends.

It had been a week since Jenna had told Lulu about the baby: a long, hazy week, during which Jenna had returned to her old coping strategy of baking pie after pie after pie. Lulu _seemed_ fine, but her initial outburst at the news had left a funny taste in Jenna’s mouth. She had spent the majority of the week feeling distinctly uneasy around her daughter, always figuratively dipping her toes into conversations. She hated it.

Despite this, Thanksgiving had been nice. The pair of them had walked up the small hill on the outskirts of their town, after dinner, to watch the various firework displays in neighbouring towns; Jim had had to work, but both he and Jenna had decided that even if he hadn’t, it was best for him to give them some space. Jenna and Lulu had stood, hand in hand, watching the fireworks in a calm silence. Lulu’s eyes sparkled with the explosions embellishing the night sky like sequins, transfixed, and Jenna didn’t like to disturb her. It was past nine o’clock by the time they trudged back down the hill towards home, and Jenna had carried Lulu in her arms. Tucking her into bed, Jenna stroked an index finger down her nose, like she had when she was a baby and needed soothing. Barely awake, Lulu had mumbled an “I love you, Mama” and whilst those words would always make Jenna’s heart swell, she couldn’t shake the feeling that her daughter was still upset.

The sound of Becky placing her mug back down on the table pulled Jenna from her thoughts, and she inhaled deeply.

‘I don’t know how Lulu’s feeling,’ she whispered into her mug, before placing it slowly, soundlessly, onto the table, and lifting her shoulders, ‘I don’t know how she’s feeling. That’s never happened before.’

Her chest was tight. She pressed her lips together.

‘Well, this is a whole new thing for her,’ Becky began, pragmatic as always, ‘I mean, all she’s ever known is you and her. And now there’s suddenly a man around all the time and you’re having a baby -’

‘It’s overwhelming,’ Jenna agreed, nodding, ‘I just – I -’ she stopped, pulling her thoughts together.

Becky took a sip of her tea and sat quietly, patiently waiting for her to speak.

Jenna sighed. ‘I’m just, so _happy_ ,’ she whispered, saying the word tentatively, as if it were some fragile thing that would dissipate if she took too firm a hold of it. ‘I guess I just… assumed… that she would be too. I – _dammit_ ,’ she cursed as her voice wobbled.

Becky reached across the table to place a hand over Jenna’s wrist, rubbing her thumb back and forth soothingly.

‘I’ve been so selfish,’ Jenna concluded, bringing her free hand to her forehead and dragging it across it. Her eyes prickled and she screwed them shut.

‘You have _not_ ,’ Becky responded immediately.

‘I _have_ ,’ Jenna argued, feeling a warm tear swelling in the corner of her eye, ‘I’ve just gone along with everything and I haven’t even _thought_ about how it’ll affect her.’

‘Jenna, that’s just straight-up not true,’ Becky said firmly, ‘You remember weeks ago? You weren’t even sure whether to get together with Jim _because_ of how it might affect Lulu. Even when you did start seeing him, you kept her away from it, so if it had all gone to shit, she wouldn’t be affected. Jenna,’ Becky leaned forward in her seat and took Jenna’s other hand in her own, ‘You’ve thought about Lulu throughout this whole thing. You’re the least selfish person I know.’

Jenna sniffed, and reached up to her face with one hand, still held in Becky’s, to wipe her tears away with the back of it.

‘I’m just – scared,’ she admitted shakily.

‘Just give her time,’ Becky said. ‘Remember, _you_ needed time,’ she added, letting go of Jenna’s hands and picking up her mug of tea.

Jenna flinched, but nodded simply, finishing her tea in one mouthful.

‘Although, it’s clear you’re not gonna give yourself a break until you know exactly how she feels,’ Becky continued with a knowing smirk, ‘So maybe you should talk to her about it.’

Jenna smiled a sad smile, watching Becky as she finished her tea, then stood up to gather her things.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ Becky said, walking around the table to lean down and give Jenna a hug. ‘It’s all gonna be just fine.’

Jenna reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. Deep down, she knew that Becky was right. She had an intrinsic, even maternal, ability for assessing situations and sussing them out. When Dawn had rather clumsily posed the question of her having children of her own, however, Becky had dismissed the idea, brusquely as always; “I _already_ have a person who wears diapers and can’t do a damn thing for themselves,” she’d said, remembering Phil, “What the hell would I do with another one?”. She’d laughed about it, but Jenna had often wondered if there was an element of wistfulness behind the humour.

‘It’s hard, this Mama business,’ Jenna said now, standing up and rubbing the back of her neck with her hand.

‘But you’re _good_ at it,’ Becky replied pointedly, slinging her bag over her shoulder and wrapping Jenna in another hug.

‘Mm,’ Jenna grunted into Becky’s shoulder, unconvinced.

‘Go and talk to her,’ Becky whispered, rubbing Jenna’s back, ‘I bet you she’s fine.’

Jenna nodded, then walked through to the front door with Becky to see her out.

Lulu was watching _Mulan_ when Jenna trudged into the living room, sat on her stomach on the floor with her chin in her hands.

‘You okay, baby?’ Jenna ventured.

‘Yeah,’ Lulu replied, not turning from the screen, but not sounding altogether unhappy to hear her mother’s voice.

Taking a deep breath, Jenna moved to sit down cross-legged next to Lulu on the carpet.

‘Can we pause this for a little bit?’ Jenna asked, reaching for the remote, ‘I wanna have a talk.’

Lulu seemed reluctant, but nodded and sat up to face her mother. Jenna pressed the pause button, put the remote back on the television stand and turned to face her daughter.

‘So, I wanted to talk about last Sunday,’ Jenna began slowly.

Lulu’s eyes flicked to the ceiling momentarily, in recollection, then she nodded and looked back to Jenna.

‘So, I’m having a baby,’ Jenna continued, eyeing Lulu steadily to gauge her reaction. The six-year-old nodded.

‘You understand that?’ Jenna went on.

Lulu nodded again.

‘So, I was wondering, if – um…’ Jenna fumbled, feeling awkward in the heavy silence, ‘I was wondering if you’d want to come with me to my scan in a couple of weeks? It’s at half past three, so we’ll go straight from school.’

Lulu twisted her mouth in thought, and flicked her eyes back towards the television screen.

‘I won’t force you, if you don’t want to,’ Jenna added, ‘I just thought it might help you… be a bit more okay with it.’

‘I _am_ okay with it,’ Lulu said in a small voice.

‘Are you sure, honey? You don’t seem to be,’ Jenna said gently, reaching for her daughter’s hands and holding them tightly.

‘I am,’ Lulu said, finally meeting her mother’s eyes and smiling, ‘It was just a surprise.’

‘You know, honey? It was a surprise for me too,’ Jenna said honestly, with a weary chuckle. She let go of Lulu’s hands and held her arms out for her daughter to clamber into them.

‘I love you, baby,’ Jenna whispered after a few quiet moments.

‘I love you too, Mama.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! This chapter was hard to write and I can't really put my finger on why, but there we are... Thanks for reading xx


	22. Chapter 22

Jenna didn’t even need to ask her, for she was certain: Dawn was worrying about something. They sat in Dawn’s front room, armed with mugs of tea and two plates of pie (Apple Cinnamon Swirl, leftover from the day before). Kenny, now a month old and rather more substantially-sized than he was, lay fast asleep in his basket. His brow quivered and furrowed as he slept, as his mother’s was doing now.

‘How’s it going, Dawn?’ Jenna asked gently, tilting her head.

‘Hm?’ Dawn answered, distracted.

‘With the baby, and everything.’

‘It’s fine,’ Dawn said immediately, then winced and tried again. ‘I mean, I’m exhausted all the time, and Ogie’s back at work now, so…’

Jenna nodded. ‘I know how you feel, hon.’

Dawn looked at her with wide eyes. ‘But you’re so _good_ at it, Jenna. You always seem to just _know_ what to do, like you don’t even have to think about it. I just – I just feel so _clueless_ ,’ she blurted, taking a tense sip of tea.

‘Dawn,’ Jenna whispered, moving over to sit next to her on the sofa, ‘I felt exactly the same. Still do, sometimes.’

‘But -’ Dawn pressed her lips together and looked down.

‘But what?’ Jenna pressed, placing her hand on Dawn’s knee.

‘I just remember seeing you with her, even at the beginning, and it just looked like it came _naturally_ to you. I thought that would happen for me. And – and it hasn’t,’ Dawn whispered.

‘Dawn, I think you’re forgetting. I was a _mess_ after Lulu was born – I had nowhere permanent to live, I was going through a horrendous divorce, and to top it all, I had this new _baby_ to deal with. I had _no_ idea what I was doing. I just knew that I had to protect _her_. This funny little wrinkly bundle who cried all night long – you remember that? _All_ night long. I just knew that I had to protect her. You’ll get there. It’s a lot to deal with, but you’ll get there. And Dawn,’ Jenna added, edging a little closer to her, ‘It may not come naturally, because it’s a completely new thing, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t good at it. You’ll get there.’

‘What if I don’t?’ Dawn whispered, her eyes shining.

‘What do you mean, sweetheart?’

Dawn looked down at her sleeping son and sniffed, ‘I – I just feel like something’s missing.’

Jenna sat back a little and twisted her mouth. She looked at her friend as she sat, hunched over her mug of tea. She’d gotten thinner, and although she’d made the diligent attempt to cover them with makeup, there were shadows under her tired eyes. Jenna hadn’t really seen Dawn since Kenny’s birth – something she’d always put down to her being swept up in the whirlwind of motherhood (and it wasn’t as if Jenna hadn’t had her _own_ little whirlwinds to deal with). Inhaling deeply, she reached for Dawn’s hand.

‘Dawn, I – I think you should talk to someone about this,’ she said gently.

Dawn flinched, before reaching down and stroking her index finger along Kenny’s clenched little fist. She nodded.

‘I do love him, you know,’ she whispered, sounding as if she was convincing herself more than anyone else, ‘I’d give my life for him, without even thinking about it. I just -’ she sighed, frustrated, ‘I can’t explain it.’

Jenna reached forward and wrapped Dawn in a hug, for she wasn’t sure what else she could do.

* * *

The doctor’s surgery was bustling, humming with the sounds of chatter and monitors. Jenna and Lulu sat next to each other in the waiting room, holding hands. The day had arrived for Jenna’s twelve-week scan: the day she’d, hopefully, find everything was running smoothly. It was also the day that, should she wish to, she’d see her baby for the first time. And she wished to.

Throughout her pregnancy with Lulu, she’d never wanted to see the image of her on the ultrasound screen. Her visits to Dr Pomatter (excluding, of course, the ones which were not of a particularly professional nature) were condensed down to: “Is the baby healthy, yes or no?” The first time Jenna laid eyes on Lulu was when she was minutes old, warm and heavy and _real_ in her arms. Jenna, overwhelmed and exhausted, had thought that had she been able to redo everything, she’d want to take every opportunity to _look_ at this little life as it grew inside her. Now, absently, Jenna spread her free hand over her navel and gently tapped her fingers on the material of her blouse. Her stomach felt a little rounder, but a little tighter. Firmer.

‘Miss Nelson, are you alright?’

‘Mama?’

Jenna was pulled from her thoughts and turned to see both Lulu and Dr Perkins looking at her with mild concern.

‘Yes, sorry, I’m fine. Just… in my own little world,’ Jenna explained quickly, getting to her feet and straightening her skirt.

‘Glad to hear it,’ Dr Perkins said with a smile, ‘If you’d like to come through.’

Jenna, clutching Lulu’s hand, followed Rose through to the consultation room. She dumped her satchel by the door and removed her jacket. Lulu scurried to a nearby chair and sat in it, her feet hovering above the floor.

‘So, I take it everything’s going okay so far?’ Rose asked, collecting together various pieces of equipment.

‘Yup,’ Jenna answered, nodding, ‘I mean – I’m sick as a dog in the morning, but that’s slowly getting better now.’

Rose laughed. ‘Morning sickness is never fun, but in most cases it clears up by around the four-month mark,’ she explained.

Jenna nodded again. ‘Yeah, I think that was the case with Lulu.’

Lulu, who’d rapidly lost interest in the conversation and had turned her attention to the posters on the wall, suddenly perked up at the mention of her name. ‘What about me, Mama?’ she asked eagerly.

‘You made me sick when you were in my tummy,’ Jenna accused good-naturedly, stepping over to her daughter and tugging on her pigtails.

‘I’m sorry, Mama,’ Lulu said quietly, crestfallen. Jenna immediately felt guilty.

‘Don’t you worry about it, Lulu,’ Rose reassured, ‘You couldn’t help it, and I’m sure your Mama would say it’s all worth it now.’

Lulu looked up at her mother, who nodded firmly, then smiled in relief.

‘So, shall we get to it?’ Rose continued, placing her hands on the gynaecologist table.

Jenna nodded again and lifted herself onto the table, before pulling up her blouse until it was gathered around her ribcage, and lying down.

‘I’m sorry, this’ll be cold,’ Rose muttered, as she applied the ultrasound gel to Jenna’s stomach and spread it around. Jenna shivered, proving her point. Lulu watched all of this in wide-eyed wonder.

‘You ready to see your brother or sister, little girl?’ Jenna whispered to her, reaching to hold her hand. Lulu nodded, wordlessly, her mouth slightly agape.

‘Alright, here we go,’ Rose said, placing the ultrasound probe on Jenna’s stomach and gently gliding it over her skin. Before too long, a fuzzy, black and white image popped up on the screen. Jenna and Lulu stared at it, transfixed. ‘There they are,’ Rose whispered, pointing at a little, vaguely baby-shaped blob in the centre of the screen.

‘Oh, wow,’ Jenna breathed, squeezing Lulu’s hand.

Rose moved the probe a little further up Jenna’s stomach, giving her a view of her baby from all possible angles.

‘Are they alright? Like, are they growing properly and everything?’ Jenna whispered, her eyes unmoving from the screen.

Rose nodded slowly. ‘So far, everything looks as it should be, but it’s still a little early,’ she explained. ‘I don’t see any cause for concern as yet, though.’

Jenna grinned, and kissed Lulu’s hand in delight. ‘When will they get here?’ she asked, her voice wavering a little.

‘By the size of them, I’d say around the middle of June,’ Rose answered. ‘The fifteenth is my best estimate, but of course they’ll arrive when they feel like arriving,’ she added with a smile.

Jenna nodded, chuckling. ‘Yup, Lulu arrived a month early.’

Rose looked mildly surprised, ‘Goodness, that _is_ early. She must have been a tiny little thing!’

‘She was, though you wouldn’t think it from the way she could cry,’ Jenna answered, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. Lulu giggled.

‘Well, I’ll need to see you in eight weeks or so, just to check everything’s still developing normally,’ Rose said with a smile, printing off a copy of the scan. She handed Jenna a packet of wipes to clean the ultrasound gel off her stomach.

Jenna and Lulu then said their goodbyes and left the surgery together, swinging their clasped hands between them.

‘So, what do you think of your brother or sister, Lulu?’ Jenna asked, smiling down at her.

‘They look a bit funny,’ Lulu answered, bluntly, and Jenna chuckled.

‘They won’t do once they’re grown, my darling,’ she said.

‘I hope it’s a girl,’ Lulu announced, skipping as they rounded the corner. ‘But I’ll still love it, even if it’s a boy. And I’ll still love it even if it still looks a bit funny,’ she added, nobly.

Jenna laughed, and bent down to kiss the top of Lulu’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! School got really hectic, and writing this chapter was akin to drawing blood from a stone, but it's here now and I low-key hate it but OH WELL... I hope you had a lovely festive season!


	23. Chapter 23

For a moment or two, Jenna simply stood and looked at Jim’s apartment building, taking in the smoothly rendered walls and crisp, square windows. Then, she took a deep breath and tapped his apartment number into the intercom, waiting impatiently, clutching her ultrasound scan in her trembling, slightly floury hands. The winter weather was growing increasingly bitter, and she shrugged her coat more tightly around her shoulders, dipping her chin down towards her chest, inside the warmth of her scarf. She sighed sharply and tucked the scan inside her bag.

‘Hello?’ Jim’s voice crackled through, finally.

‘Hey, Jim. It’s me,’ Jenna said, as brightly as she could, considering the cold.

‘Oh, hey Jenna. Hang on.’

He appeared in the doorway a few moments later and let her in, kissing her cold cheek and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

‘I missed you,’ Jim said, releasing Jenna and reaching for her hand.

‘You saw me like a week ago,’ Jenna responded, then added softly, ‘But, I missed you too.’

‘A week and a _half_ ,’ Jim corrected, leading her up the stairs to his apartment.

Once inside, Jim made himself a cup of coffee, and poured a glass of orange juice for Jenna. They sat down together at his kitchen table quietly, and Jenna placed her bag on the floor next to her chair.

‘So, how was your week?’ Jim began.

‘Good,’ Jenna replied with a nod, ‘Um – I…’ she stumbled and quickly took a sip of juice.

Jim cocked his head at her, waiting for her to continue. Jenna put her glass back down on the table, staring at it fixedly, avoiding his gaze.

Jenna had been so intent on making sure Lulu was happy, and comfortable with the idea of having a new sibling, that she had been remiss in keeping Jim up to date. Specifically, she had neglected to invite him to her twelve-week scan; in fact, she hadn’t told him about it at all. It was not a conscious decision by any means, but Jenna had felt increasingly guilty ever since.

‘Jenna? You okay?’ Jim questioned.

Jenna blinked at him.

‘I – Jim,’ she tried, clasping her hands together in her lap, then fiddling with a loose thread on her scarf, then finally placing both hands flat on the table, ‘Jim, I need to tell you something.’

She snuck a look at Jim, noting his slightly puzzled expression.

‘What?’ Jim probed, ‘Are you okay? Is Lulu okay? Is -’ he leaned across the table and placed one of his hands over Jenna’s, ‘Is the baby okay?’

Jenna winced, and withdrew her hand from Jim’s.

‘The baby’s fine. What I wanted to tell you is – um – I had the dating scan this week.’

Jim’s eyebrow twitched.

‘Oh,’ he said quietly, ‘I was thinking it was probably coming up, but didn’t want to ask when, I – I figured you would have, you know, told me…’

He sat back in his chair, looking wounded.

‘I’m sorry for not telling you,’ Jenna whispered, ‘I’ve just been so worried about Lulu.’

Jim shook his head and offered her a weak smile.

‘I understand,’ he said, ‘I just would have liked to have been there. Like, this is all new for me.’

Jenna bit her lip. Another thing she’d not fully appreciated.

‘I’m sorry,’ she faltered, reaching for her bag, ‘I brought a picture of it. Of them. Of – of the scan.’

The silence was unnerving. She mutely held the scan across the table, and Jim took it. He looked at it closely, holding it gently in both hands, and a smile flickered across his face momentarily.

‘It’s funny, I’ve done hundreds of these scans, and it’s always exciting, but when it’s your own, it’s… wow,’ he breathed, stroking the picture with a gentle index finger. ‘When are they coming?’ he asked, looking over at Jenna.

‘June,’ she answered, ‘Doctor Perkins said everything looks alright so far.’

Jim nodded, returning his attention back to the picture.

‘I – thank you. For showing me,’ he stammered, ‘But, I – Jenna. You’re not going through this alone, okay? I know we’re not, like, a conventional couple…’

Jenna felt her stomach flutter. It was the first time they’d been referred to as a couple, as something concrete. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded, sitting a little straighter in her chair.

‘I wish you’d have told me,’ Jim continued, a crease appearing between his eyebrows, ‘I understand why you didn’t, but I wanted to be there. This is my child too. I want to be involved. You know that, right?’

Jenna nodded again, flicking her eyes down to look at her hands, gently moving one of them to cradle her swelling stomach. She felt her eyelids prickle and inhaled sharply through her nose.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.

‘I know,’ Jim answered gently.

Jenna looked at him with shining eyes. She’d hurt him, and she hated it.

‘I – um. I’d better go,’ she said, swallowing and reaching for her bag. She held it in her lap for a moment, breathed, then stood up and slung it over her shoulder. Jim stood up and stepped towards her, gently enfolding her in his arms and kissing her forehead. She leant against his chest, breathing him in.

‘Just, keep me involved, yeah?’ he said, rubbing her back.

Jenna nodded, frowning at how obvious the request sounded. She pulled away from him and offered him a weak smile. He returned it, kissed her forehead again, then patted her back and guided her towards the door.

‘I love you,’ she said, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

‘I love you, too.’

Jenna left Jim’s apartment, huddled against the biting chill that the evening air had acquired. She took deep, shaking breaths, feeling her stomach tie itself in guilty knots. She checked her watch: a few minutes past six o’clock. She then pulled her phone out of her bag and found Jill’s name in her contacts, before pressing the call button and holding the phone to her ear.

‘Hi, Jenna!’ came Jill’s voice.

‘Hey, Jill. Just ringing to say I’m on the way, in case Lulu was wondering,’ Jenna said, trying incredibly hard to keep her voice steady.

‘Alright, Jenna. We’re actually just about to have dinner: would you care to join us? You’d be very welcome!’

‘Oh, gosh, are you sure?’ Jenna stammered, keeping an eye on the bus as it trundled into view. Truthfully, after today, she would welcome a meal that she hadn’t had to cook herself.

‘Of course!’ Jill said warmly, ‘When can we expect you?’

‘About ten minutes,’ Jenna answered, stepping onto the bus and fumbling in her bag for her wallet. She held her phone in place with her chin, leaving both hands free to unzip her wallet and retrieve a five-dollar bill.

‘Brilliant,’ Jill said, ‘See you soon. Oh, and congratulations!’

‘Hm?’ Jenna said distractedly, as she handed over the bus fare to the driver and awaited her change.

‘Lulu tells me you’re expecting!’

‘Oh, that,’ Jenna laughed. She collected her change, smiled at the driver, and made her way down the bus to find a spare seat, ‘Thanks, Jill.’

‘You’re welcome. Well, see you soon,’ Jill said cheerfully.

‘Bye-bye,’ Jenna replied, before ending the call. 

*** 

‘So, you never told me you had a new fellow in your life, Jenna,’ Jill said with good-humoured consternation.

Jenna smiled stiffly, lifting her shoulders.

‘He’s called Jim,’ Lulu contributed, twirling her spaghetti and meatballs around her fork, ‘He’s real nice. He sometimes picks me up from school.’

‘Ah, so _he’s_ the mystery man,’ Jill said gleefully. ‘So, how long have you been a pair?’ she asked Jenna, swallowing a mouthful of food.

Jenna giggled nervously. Her eyes flicked over to Hannah, who was sat next to her mother and idly prodding her food around her plate.

‘About three months,’ she answered quietly.

Jill’s eyes widened, her fork hovering in mid-air.

‘Oh,’ she breathed. ‘So, you… Oh.’

Jenna was grateful that Jill decided against voicing her summation of events, whilst in the presence of two six-year-olds.

‘How’s Henry?’ Jenna questioned, keen to change the subject.

‘Oh, he’s fine. He’s still in New York on business,’ Jill explained, gesturing to a postcard she’d propped up on the windowsill. ‘He still sends me a postcard from wherever he ends up. Isn’t that sweet?’ she added, smiling.

Jenna nodded, returning her attention to her food. She glanced at her watch.

‘Well, finish up your food, kiddo,’ she said to Lulu, ‘It’s after eight o’clock, and you’ve got school tomorrow.’

Lulu obediently shovelled the last few morsels of spaghetti into her mouth, a little indelicately, and gulped down the last of her drink.

‘See you tomorrow, Hannah,’ Lulu said, jumping down from her chair and running to fetch her backpack.

‘Bye,’ Hannah replied, turning to her and grinning.

‘Hannah, eat your dinner,’ Jill chided softly.

‘I miss my daddy,’ Hannah whined, stabbing an ill-fated meatball with her fork. Jill tutted at her sympathetically, tucking a wayward strand of Hannah’s hair behind her ear.

Jenna smiled at the pair of them, before standing up and collecting her things. Lulu soon pattered back through to her, having put her shoes and coat on. Jenna reached for her hand, and the pair of them walked through to the front door, followed by Jill.

‘Well, you take care of yourself, alright?’ Jill said, opening the door for Jenna and Lulu to step out onto the porch, ‘Anything you need, you just let me know.’

‘Thanks, Jill,’ Jenna replied, smiling at her gratefully.

Jenna and Lulu walked home, chatting about the events of the day, and swinging their clasped hands between them.

‘So, you like Jim?’ Jenna asked.

‘Yep!’ Lulu chirped, ‘He’s strange, but I like him.’

‘Strange?’ Jenna laughed, ‘How do you mean?’

‘He always looks worried,’ Lulu explained, ‘Like this.’

Lulu demonstrated by wrinkling her eyebrows a little, in mimicry of Jim’s earnest, anxious expression. Jenna had to admit that it was almost uncanny.

‘Cheeky,’ she chided with a giggle, tugging on one of her daughter’s pigtails. ‘So, you definitely like him? Even if he’s strange?’

‘ _Yes_ , Mama!’ Lulu said in exasperation, ‘Why do you keep asking?’

‘Um – I asked you _once_ ,’ Jenna defended, lifting her daughter into her arms. ‘It’s just, he’s gonna be around a lot from now on. I need to know if you’re alright with that.’

‘Mm-hm,’ Lulu said happily, tucking her head under Jenna’s chin, ‘He’s nice.’

‘Yes,’ Jenna whispered, pressing a kiss to her daughter’s temple, ‘He is.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been eighty-four years but I'm back with an update! Apologies for the delay, I've had this chapter in the works for weeks now and just haven't had the time or motivation to get it finished... But here it is, and I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading xx


	24. Chapter 24

The following Saturday evening, Jenna, Jim and Lulu sat at a table in Piero’s, tucking into three large pepperoni pizzas. This was the first time that they’d really done anything as a trio, and Jenna was more than a little apprehensive. She needn’t have worried, however, as Lulu seemed comfortable enough around Jim that she engaged him in conversation as readily as she did her mother.

‘You sure pepperoni’s not a bit spicy for you, Lulu?’ Jim asked the girl now, taking a sip of wine.

Lulu shook her head vehemently. ‘Nuh-uh,’ she replied, ‘I _love_ pepperoni.’

‘She got a taste for it when she was about three years old,’ Jenna explained, chuckling, ‘I was making a pie with chicken and chorizo, and she was sat next to me, and she just picked up a slice of chorizo and popped it straight in her mouth.’

‘Really?’ Jim asked, ‘And she liked it?’

Jenna nodded, grinning at Lulu, ‘I was all ready for her to spit it out, but she ate it straight down. I had to stop her eating anymore, else I’d have none left for the pie!’

The two grown-ups laughed as Lulu chewed her food.

‘So, how’s everyone at the diner?’ Jim asked, cutting another slice of pizza. Jenna watched him fondly, finding some amusement in the fact that he chose to eat pizza delicately with a knife and fork, whereas her and her daughter opted for slicing it crudely with the provided pizza slice and eating with their hands. Then she caught his eye, and he blinked at her expectantly. She hadn’t answered him.

‘Oh, they’re fine. Becky’s as sassy as always, Nellie’s a sweetheart, and Dawn…’ Jenna trailed off as she realised, with a jolt, that she hadn’t really heard from Dawn since their last meeting.

‘Dawn?’ Jim prompted, popping a neatly-folded mouthful of pizza into his mouth.

‘I think she’s alright. I – I haven’t heard from her in a couple of weeks, but I’m sure she’s fine,’ Jenna said with more confidence than she felt, ‘She’s probably busy with the baby,’ she added with a short laugh.

Jim nodded slowly, holding Jenna’s gaze. Jenna both loved and loathed how much he _listened_ to her. Sometimes, she floundered for things to say, struggling to get her constantly busy brain to conjure up sentences that made sense to someone who didn’t live inside it. And he listened to it all, absorbed it all: all of her messy, muddled thoughts as well as her crisp, clear ones. She still wasn’t completely used to being quite so… _accepted_.

She looked at him now and offered him a meek smile.

‘What?’ she murmured after a few moments, during which he had stopped looking at her only to blink, or flick his gaze downwards a little. His face held that dopey, happy expression Jenna had grown so fond of.

‘You look really pretty,’ Jim said, leaning his head on his hand and grinning at her.

Jenna felt her face heat and bit her lip against a smile, feeling like some infatuated adolescent.

Lulu, who had rapidly lost interest in the adults’ conversation and was munching contemplatively on a breadstick, yawned unreservedly and stretched in her seat.

‘You tired, kiddo?’ Jenna asked her daughter.

Lulu nodded, sniffing. Jenna checked her watch.

‘Gosh, it’s after nine. No wonder she’s tired,’ she muttered.

They settled the bill (both Jenna and Jim initially wanted to pay for everything, finally settling on splitting it down the middle). Jenna helped her daughter into her coat, zipping it up for her, then took her hand and guided her out of the restaurant. She felt Jim’s comforting hand on her lower back and smiled.

The trio walked home, Lulu in between Jenna and Jim, clutching onto their hands. The six-year-old, melodramatically, dragged her feet behind her on the sidewalk and drooped her head. Jenna rolled her eyes.

‘Walk properly, Lulu,’ she said, in that gentle yet firm manner that she had become a master of.

‘But I’m _tired_ ,’ Lulu whined.

‘I guess she did work pretty hard today. We’re rushed off our feet with it being almost Christmas,’ Jenna admitted to Jim.

Truth be told, Jenna had barely had time to lend a spare thought to what she and Lulu would do for Christmas this year. Work at the diner was relentless, with one Christmas party after another shuffling through the door. Jenna had made so many Mulled Apple and Cinnamon pocket pies, and Warm-to-Your-Toes Whiskey and Walnut pies, that she was sure they would soon come out of her ears. And now Christmas was a mere five days away, and she had only managed to purchase one present for Lulu, and nothing for anyone else.

‘Jenna, you okay?’ Jim asked, pulling Jenna from her frantic thoughts.

‘Yeah, um. Yeah,’ Jenna said distantly, throwing a half-smile in his direction.

The trio walked quietly until they reached Jenna’s front door. Jenna unlocked it so that Lulu could run in and get ready for bed, then turned to face Jim.

‘Well, this went pretty well,’ she offered, smiling in relief.

Jim nodded.

‘What are you doing tomorrow?’ he asked.

‘I’m going shopping,’ Jenna responded, ‘It’s Christmas on Friday and I’m going to have one moody six-year-old if I don’t get her more stuff.’

Jim laughed. ‘Ah, Lulu doesn’t seem to strike me as spoilt, I’m sure she’ll be fine!’

‘So far, I’ve got her a cake tin,’ Jenna said flatly, ‘She’s a sweet kid but I think even _she_ would be a bit disappointed.’

‘Well, you want me to come with you?’ Jim asked.

‘Thanks, but actually,’ Jenna faltered, ‘Would you mind looking after Lulu while I’m gone?’

Jim grinned and nodded enthusiastically.

‘I’d love to,’ he said, with such sincerity that Jenna felt her heart swell.

‘Thanks, Jim,’ she said, raising herself onto her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his shoulders. He returned the hug, kissed her cold cheek, then released her and walked back to his car. Jenna watched him, hugging her elbows, while he opened the door and clambered inside. Once he turned the key, however, the engine coughed and spluttered and then died to nothing. Jenna narrowed her eyes. She watched Jim frown and try again. The same thing happened. A cough, splutter, then nothing.

Looking sheepish, Jim clambered back out of the car and walked around to the front of it. With a confused shrug in Jenna’s direction, he heaved open the hood and peered inside. Jenna approached him, frowning.

‘I can’t think what’s wrong with it,’ he muttered.

‘Maybe driving to and from Connecticut twice has something to do with it,’ Jenna quipped.

‘I needed my car _here_ ,’ Jim defended.

‘This is a small town, most places are a ten-minute walk at the most.’

‘Yeah, but,’ Jim sighed, ‘I like driving.’

Jenna squinted at him but shrugged and surveyed the engine alongside him.

‘Maybe it’s the weather?’ she guessed, illustrating her point by shivering.

‘Could be,’ Jim mused, scratching his head.

‘Well, it’s too late to call a mechanic now…’ Jenna said.

‘Hm,’ Jim grunted.

‘Come on then,’ Jenna sighed, turning and walking back towards the house. When she reached the doorway, she turned and watched Jim as he shut the hood, and stared at the car as if willing it to work with brain power alone. ‘Jim?’ she said, after a couple of moments, ‘You coming in?’

Jim turned to face her and blinked. ‘Hm?’

Folding her arms against the chill night air, Jenna asked again, ‘Are you coming inside?’

Jim blinked again, ‘Um, I guess. Yeah.’

‘Unless you _want_ to stay out here and freeze,’ Jenna offered with exaggerated tilt of her head.

‘No, not at all, hang on,’ Jim stuttered, turning back to his old car and opening the door to retrieve his keys and bag. He then followed Jenna wordlessly into the house.

Jenna removed her shoes by the front door, swapping them for her slippers, then padded through to the kitchen. Lulu was gulping down the dregs of a large mug of milk, after which she smacked her lips in satisfaction.

‘Clean teeth and bed for you, little girl,’ Jenna instructed her, taking the empty mug and placing it by the sink.

Lulu jumped down from her chair and peered at Jim, understandably curious about his presence in her home.

‘I thought you were leaving?’ she asked him outright.

‘ _Lulu_ ,’ Jenna squeaked, ‘That’s not polite!’

Jim simply chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. ‘I’m afraid my car won’t start, Lulu,’ he explained, smiling. ‘So I’m gonna have to sleep here, if that’s alright?’

Lulu considered him for a moment, before nodding. ‘I guess that’s okay.’ She began to walk out of the room towards her bedroom, before pausing and turning back to face Jim. ‘You might get a bit cold on the sofa. You can borrow my extra blanket, if you want,’ she offered.

‘Oh, well, thank you, that would be very kind,’ Jim replied, smiling at the six-year-old and shooting a quick glance towards her mother.

‘That’s a good girl,’ Jenna said warmly, ‘Now, bed.’

Lulu nodded and pattered through to her bedroom. Jenna and Jim exchanged glances and chuckled quietly.

‘She’s _so_ like you,’ Jim whispered.

‘I know,’ Jenna said, her voice somehow an oxymoronic mix of self-deprecation and genuine pride, as she walked to the cupboard to fetch a mug. ‘You want a drink of anything? Tea? I’m sorry I only have peppermint,’ she patted her stomach, ‘No caffeine.’

‘Peppermint’s perfect,’ Jim replied, walking over to her and watching her as she made two mugs of tea.

‘You, um. You don’t _have_ to sleep on the sofa,’ Jenna murmured after a moment of silence, handing Jim’s mug to him.

‘You sure? I think Lulu might have words,’ Jim cautioned jovially.

Jenna rolled her eyes and bit her lip against a grin. ‘Anyone would think _she_ was the mama in this relationship,’ she quipped. ‘Jim,’ she continued, more seriously, ‘I do think we need to figure out how _this_ -’ she gestured between them, ‘is going to work. We’ve got a baby coming, after all.’

Jim nodded quickly, ‘Totally agree.’

‘Perhaps not right now,’ Jenna admitted, glancing at the clock and seeing that it was now gone ten o’clock, ‘But soon.’

Jim nodded again.

The pair of them sat at the kitchen table for a while and sipped their drinks. They were soon joined by a pyjama-clad Lulu, who came wielding a large, floral blanket.

‘Here you go,’ she announced, pushing the blanket onto Jim’s lap, ‘It’s super warm.’

‘Thanks, Lulu!’ Jim replied, smiling at the six-year-old as she toddled round to envelop her mother in a hug and kiss her.

‘Goodnight, Mama,’ she said.

‘Goodnight, baby girl,’ Jenna whispered, patting her back and releasing her from her embrace. She watched her daughter as she shuffled towards her bedroom and slipped inside, clicking the door closed behind her.

Once they’d finished their drinks, Jenna collected their empty mugs and added them to the growing pile by the sink, then led Jim through to her bedroom. She collected her pyjamas and retreated to the bathroom along the hall. Once there, she undressed and inspected her growing belly, before donning her nightclothes and brushing her teeth. She scrubbed her face clean of makeup, then tied her hair back into a messy bun.

‘What You See Is What You Get Pie,’ she muttered, shrugging. ‘Combine vanilla custard with a few dollops of sharp raspberry coulis. Don’t fuss too much about it being neat,’ she continued, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, ‘Plain and simple.’

Jenna looked at herself in the mirror and allowed herself a quiet chuckle.

‘You look like shit, girl,’ she whispered, smirking and reaching for her night cream.

After massaging the cream into her face and neck, she decided to redo the hair. Then, she padded back to her bedroom and found Jim, in his undershirt, sitting up in bed and consulting his planner. A pair of reading glasses sat on the end of his nose, and he was absentmindedly nibbling on his thumbnail. Jenna noted, with a grin, that he'd spread Lulu's blanket over the top of the covers.

‘You comfortable?’ Jenna asked him, peeling back the covers and crawling in next to him.

Jim nodded. ‘Mm-hm. Just double-checking appointments for next week.’

Jenna flicked through her phone, and seeing no new messages, switched it off and put it on her nightstand. Jim snapped his planner shut and tossed it in the general direction of his satchel, then scooted down under the covers.

‘Lamp off?’ Jenna asked him.

‘Yup.’

Jenna switched the lamp off then lay down, drawing the covers up to her chin and turning to face him in the darkness. He inched closer to her, and she sensed he was smiling.

‘Hi,’ she whispered.

‘Hi.’

He kissed her, and she felt his hand move gingerly over her hip. He gripped the material of her pyjama top loosely in his hand, but when he moved his lips to her neck, she sucked in a breath and shifted away from him.

‘You okay?’ he murmured, hovering mere millimetres above her pulse point.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Can we – um – not do this tonight?’

‘Oh? Oh. Okay, sure.’

He quickly returned his head to his pillow, and his hands went with him. There was an uncomfortable moment of silence.

‘Sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I just -’

Jim gently shushed her, finding her hand in the dark and holding it. ‘No need to explain. You don’t want to, so we don’t have to.’

Jenna shivered.

‘You’re amazing,’ she murmured, her voice hoarse with sleepiness. Her eyes flickered closed.

‘Huh?’

‘You just are.’

‘Well, thanks,’ Jim replied, sounding genuinely pleased, ‘Jenna?’

‘Mm?’ Jenna mumbled.

‘Where do you stand on cuddling?’

‘Cuddling’s just fine,’ she said, giggling.

Jim shuffled towards her and wrapped his arms tightly around her middle. She snuggled against his chest, breathed deeply, and smiled.

* * *

When she awoke the next morning, the first thing Jenna noticed was that Jim was no longer next to her. The second thing she noticed, when she blearily patted the empty space and found it still warm, was that he hadn’t been gone long. The third and final thing she noticed, as she heaved herself up to a sitting position, was that there was a distinct smell of burnt toast.

‘Hm,’ Jenna grunted, her sleepiness preventing her from eliciting a more effusive response.

Heaving herself out of bed, she reached for her slippers and bathrobe, and padded through to the kitchen to find Jim, stood forlornly in the middle of the room and holding two slices of blackened toast. Jenna took one look at him and burst into a fit of giggles.

‘What happened?’ she asked, walking towards him.

‘I tried to make toast,’ he muttered petulantly.

‘I can _see_ that,’ Jenna said, still chuckling. ‘It’s an old toaster,’ she explained, ‘Most times it works fine but sometimes… I’ve been meaning to get a new one.’

‘Oh,’ Jim said quietly, turning towards the trash can and tossing the toast inside.

He looked like a kicked puppy, Jenna thought. Smiling, she walked towards him and wrapped both around his waist.

‘Thank you for the thought, though,’ she whispered, standing on her tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his cheek. ‘What are you gonna do about the car?’

‘The mechanic said he couldn’t get here till late afternoon, so… looks like you’re stuck with me till then,’ Jim replied with a grin.

‘Oh, how awful,’ Jenna murmured, pressing her lips softly to his.

They broke away just before they were joined by Lulu, who came into the room sniffing the air and grimacing.

‘What’s that smell?’ she demanded, walking towards the fridge and retrieving a carton of orange juice.

‘Little trouble with the toaster, Lulu,’ Jenna explained, smoothing down her daughter’s bird-nest hair gently.

‘Oh,’ Lulu replied, ‘I don’t like that toaster, Mama.’

‘Me neither,’ Jim contributed.

‘Well, perhaps we’ll get a new one soon,’ Jenna said vaguely, walking towards the cupboard and pulling out a box of cornflakes.

They ate breakfast together quietly, after which Jenna spritzed a little air freshener around the room in some attempt to mask the smell of burnt toast. Lulu then went into her room to get dressed, leaving Jenna and Jim to do the washing up between them.

‘So,’ Jenna began, rinsing out a coffee mug, ‘I’m gonna head off in twenty minutes or so, and I should be back for lunch time. Is that alright?’

‘Yup,’ Jim said, taking the clean coffee mug from Jenna’s hand and drying it with a dish cloth.

‘Good. If I’m gonna be late or anything, I’ll text you. I’m hoping it won’t take too long, although I’m a little worried there won’t be anything left…’ she trailed off as she plonked a plate onto the drying rack.

‘Jenna, it’ll be fine,’ Jim said gently.

Jenna nodded, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

It was approaching half past ten when Jenna was ready to go out to the shops. She wrapped herself in her scarf and thickest coat, and pulled a hat over her head so that it covered her ears. The winter had taken a firm hold now, and there was a biting chill in the air. Lulu had settled herself in the living room, watching cartoons on television and colouring. Jim had showered and dressed in his clothes from the night before; it was serendipitous that he’d decided against dressing particularly formally, opting instead for a pale blue sweater and jeans.

‘Lulu, don’t you have homework to do?’ Jenna called to her daughter from the hallway as she collected her bag and gloves.

‘Yes…’ came Lulu’s glum response.

‘Well, maybe Jim can help you with it?’ Jenna suggested, glancing over at the man in question, who’d padded through to the hallway from the kitchen with a mug of coffee.

‘Mm?’ Jim said, looking startled.

‘Maybe you could help Lulu with her homework?’ Jenna asked him, throwing her bag over her shoulder and pulling on her gloves.

‘Oh. Oh, sure,’ Jim said, looking a little relieved. ‘I’ll help you, Lulu,’ he called.

‘Thanks, Jim,’ Lulu called back.

‘I’ll be back for lunch,’ Jenna said to Jim, kissing his cheek and hurrying out of the door.

Jenna strode towards the bus stop, swinging her arms with force, attempting to warm herself up. Although the sky was clear and the sun was bright, its warmth was all but ineffective. Once Jenna reached the bus stop, she bounced on her tiptoes and watching her breath as it turned to little white clouds in front of her. Eventually, the bus trundled into view and Jenna clambered on board, paying the driver and finding a seat. Then, she pulled out her phone and texted Dawn.

_Hey girl. How are you?_

She held her phone loosely in her hand and leant back in her seat, gazing out of the window. After a few minutes, the bus arrived at the small collection of shops towards highway twenty-seven. Jenna stepped off and walked into the first of them, determined that she would find presents for each of her friends, her godson, her daughter, and her… Jim.

Almost three hours later, Jenna stumbled back through her front door, weighed down with several bags of gifts. She thrust them all onto her bed, then walked through to the kitchen to fetch a drink. There, she found Jim and Lulu sat at the table, hunched together over a workbook and deep in thought.

‘You two alright?’ she asked them.

‘Math,’ Jim uttered flatly, by way of an explanation.

Jenna nodded and, having retrieved a glass from the cupboard, walked over to the kitchen sink to fill it with water. As she sipped it, she could hear Jim gently explaining something to Lulu. Smiling, she walked over to the table and sat with them.

‘So, Lulu,’ Jim said, ‘A quarter is smaller than a half, even though it’s got a bigger number.’

‘But _why_?’ Lulu whined, huffing and plonking her chin onto her fists.

‘Lulu, think of a pie,’ Jenna contributed, ‘If you cut it into two pieces, each piece would be bigger than if you cut the pie into four pieces. Yeah?’

‘Yeah…’ Lulu said, her eyes narrowing in concentration.

‘That’s how fractions work,’ Jim said, nodding at Jenna gratefully, ‘The more pieces you cut the pie into, the smaller they’ll be.’

‘Okay,’ Lulu said, with increasing confidence.

‘Hang on,’ Jenna said, walking over to the fridge and retrieving the leftovers of a walnut and whiskey pie she’d made the day before. ‘How much of this pie is left?’ she asked her daughter.

‘Um… about a half?’ Lulu attempted.

‘Yes,’ Jenna said, nodding. ‘So, if I cut it in half again, and get rid of a piece…’ she continued, slicing the pie neatly down the middle and moving one piece out of the pie dish and onto the table, ‘How much is left?’

Lulu’s eyes flicked between the two pieces of pie and she twisted her mouth, the way she always did when she was thinking. ‘A quarter?’

‘That’s right!’ Jim said, grinning, ‘Two quarters make a half. So, a quarter is smaller than a half.’

‘Okay, I think I get it now,’ Lulu said, looking pleased with herself.

‘See, you can do it, sweetheart,’ Jenna said proudly, planting a kiss on top of her daughter’s head.

Jenna left the pair of them to finish the rest of the homework questions, walking through to the living room to switch on the television. She flicked through the channels absently, finally settling on Food Network, then retrieved her phone from her bag. There was a message from Dawn, and Jenna opened it hastily.

_Hey, Jenna. Sorry I took a while to reply, I was at my group. How are you?_

_I’m good, thanks! Which group was this? Revolutionary War Re-enactment?_

_Haha, no. I’ve joined a Mama and Baby group._

Jenna smiled warmly, sitting back on the sofa and tucking her feet up underneath her. She decided to ring Dawn; she muted whatever show was on the television, then held her phone to her ear.

‘Hey, Jenna,’ Dawn greeted brightly.

‘Hey, girl! What’s this about a Mama and Baby group?’ Jenna chatted back.

‘Oh, it’s just one in the town that one of Ogie’s work friends told me about. I only started going last week.’

‘Great! How is it?’

‘Oh, it’s _lovely_ ,’ Dawn said sincerely, ‘It’s been so good to talk to people who know what it’s like, you know? I mean, I know _you_ know what it’s like -’

‘It’s been a while since I was doing the sleepless nights and diaper changes though, Dawn,’ Jenna laughed, ‘It must be good to be around people who are going through what you’re going through, like, right now.’

‘Totally,’ Dawn agreed, ‘I feel so much better. And guess what?’

‘What?’

‘Kenny _smiled_ at me the other day,’ Dawn squeaked gleefully, ‘A proper little smile. It definitely wasn’t him pulling a face because he wanted his diaper changed, because that _kind_ of looks like he’s smiling, but also frowning? Anyway! He really smiled at me. And I thought, this is my _son_. You know? I just had this powerful feeling of love and protection and strength, and I just… wow.’

Jenna felt her eyes prickle and she sniffed, hard. ‘Yup, it’s the best feeling in the world.’

There was a moment of silence, quickly broken by the spluttering cries of Kenny in the background.

‘He’ll want his lunch,’ Dawn said, and Jenna heard her gently shushing her son. ‘I’d better go. Hey, we need to talk about Christmas! What are you doing for it?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Jenna said, rubbing the bridge of her nose, ‘As little as possible, after the month we’ve had at the diner.’

‘Busy time, huh?’ Dawn guessed, sounding a little guilty.

‘Yup, but nothing we can’t handle,’ Jenna reassured her, ‘I’ll text you sometime this week and we can make arrangements.’

‘Sound good!’ Dawn exclaimed, her voice rising in competition with Kenny, who had exchanged his quiet whimpers for full-throated bawls, in apparent indignance at the fact that his mother had neglected to feed him immediately, ‘Bye, Jenna.’

‘Bye, Dawn,’ Jenna replied, grinning.

* * *

Jim stayed at their house for the rest of the day, assisting with chores and – towards the late afternoon – being trusted enough by Lulu that he was permitted to help her with her colouring. The mechanic finally arrived at around four o’clock, and fixed Jim’s car, explaining gruffly that it was the gasket that had failed. Thankfully, it was just a case of replacing it, and cleaning up the oil leak. Then, the car was good to go.

Jim stayed for dinner, then collected together his things and put them in his patched-up car.

‘Jenna, I wanted to ask you something,’ he said, as the pair of them stood in the doorway.’

‘Yes?’ Jenna said.

‘Last night, you said I was amazing -’

‘Mm,’ Jenna said quietly, unsure of where he was going with his inquiry.

‘Well, um, why did you say that? Like, what did I do?’ Jim asked, looking at her earnestly.

Jenna cocked her head at him. ‘You’re asking why I said you were amazing?’

‘Well, yeah,’ Jim said, shrugging and jabbing a thumb towards his chest, ‘This is not a guy who gets called amazing every day.’

Jenna giggled, biting her lip. ‘I called you amazing,’ she began, glancing over her shoulder to check that Lulu was still in the living room and therefore out of ear-shot, ‘Because… you were okay with…’

‘Okay with what?’

Jenna looked up into Jim’s face, feeling her cheeks heat. ‘You were okay when I didn’t want to – you know,’ she took a deep breath before continuing, ‘I’ve been with – people – who wouldn’t have been as okay with it.’

She looked down towards her slippers, gripping her elbows and sighing. She felt a little queasy.

Without a word, Jim pulled her towards his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around her. Jenna exhaled slowly, feeling herself relax in his embrace.

‘I love you,’ he whispered.

‘I love you, too,’ Jenna replied, ‘I really do.’


	25. Chapter 25

Christmas arrived in a frantic flurry of red and green, and chintzy decorations, and a veritable tonne of pies. Jenna and Lulu spent the morning at home together, as was their tradition. The diner would be closed until the new year, giving Jenna a whole week off to rest and recuperate. Between raising a daughter and running a business, Jenna was not a woman who allowed herself much time off, but the week between Christmas and the new year was always kept empty.

Jenna and Lulu, as they did every year, took it in turns to open their presents. Jenna unwrapped a luxury bath set from Becky, and an opal necklace with matching earrings from Dawn. There was also a small selection of trinkets bestowed upon her by her more regular customers, including fig and cherry hand cream, new measuring cups, and a set of deep-dish pie tins. Always practical, she applied some of the hand cream immediately, for her hands were dry and worn from the combination of cold winter weather and constant pastry-making.

Lulu opened her presents one by one, squealing in delight as she unwrapped a new set of dungarees from Becky (her old pair were worn beyond repair) and a new set of Dr. Seuss books from Dawn and Ogie. Then, she reached for her final present from her mother. Jenna watched her, smiling at her wide eyes as she peeled away sugary pink wrapping paper to reveal a pastel-green ceramic cake tin and a pair of quilted blue oven mitts.

‘Oh, _Mama_!’ she breathed, pulling the mitts on immediately and stretching her arms out in front of her to admire them. Despite being child-sized, they were still a little big for her and almost reached her elbows.

‘There’s one more, baby girl,’ Jenna said, pointing to a chunky, rectangular parcel sat under the tree.

Lulu reached for it, grimacing as she heaved it into her lap.

‘It’s heavy, Mama,’ she observed, stroking her hands over the glittery wrapping paper.

Jenna nodded, smiling. Slowly, Lulu unwrapped the package and lifted out a large, hardback recipe book.

‘Wow!’ Lulu squeaked, riffling through the crisp, printed pages gleefully.

‘Can you see, Lulu?’ Jenna asked, scooting over to her daughter and gently taking the book from her. She flipped to a page for cherry and almond pie, then indicated the adjacent page, which was blank except from a flowery border and the word “Notes” printed in purple lettering at the top. ‘There’s space for you to change up the recipe a little, if you like,’ Jenna explained.

‘I’ll definitely be able to make it better,’ Lulu said with a confident nod, making her mother laugh.

‘That’s my girl,’ Jenna chuckled, ‘Now, I reckon it’s time for some lunch, and then…’

Jenna trailed off as she glanced out the window.

‘Oh, Lulu, _look_!’

The pair of them scampered towards the window to look outside, as a few flecks of snow began to drift down from an increasingly grey sky.

‘It’s _snowing_!’ Lulu squealed, bouncing on her toes with the palms of her hands pressed against the glass.

‘Lunch and then a walk, what do you think?’ Jenna asked her daughter, grinning.

‘Yes, yes, _yes_!’ Lulu shouted, turning from the window and sprinting through to the kitchen, presumably with the assumption that they’d be eating lunch immediately.

Stealing one more look at the falling snow, Jenna followed her daughter through to the kitchen. She’d had a turkey crown in the oven since early in the morning, along with some herbed roasted potatoes, honey-glazed carrots, and a Christmassy Caramel and Cinnamon apple pie. She had two saucepans simmering on the stove, one with homemade cranberry sauce and one with a rich gravy.

Lulu sat at the table, swinging her legs and still brandishing her new oven mitts.

‘Mama, I never gave you _your_ present,’ she gasped suddenly, leaping down from the table and scampering through to her bedroom.

Jenna frowned, and felt a little puzzled, for her daughter had never taken it upon herself to get her mother a gift before. She stirred the cranberry sauce absently, keeping her eyes on the doorway and waiting for Lulu’s return.

Lulu ran back in, waving what looked like a painting in her oven mitt-clad hand.

‘I’ve been drawing this for _ages_ , Mama,’ she panted, running right up to her mother and thrusting the painting into her face.

‘Wow, okay baby, let me just turn this sauce down a tad,’ Jenna spluttered, turning the knob on the stove a little to the left and stepping towards the table.

Lulu sat back in her seat, bouncing up and down on account of the vigour with which she was jiggling her legs. Her mother lowered herself into the seat opposite, and reached for the drawing. She looked down at it, and clasped a hand to her chest.

‘Oh, _wow_ ,’ she whispered, ‘How beautiful.’

The drawing contained three figures: to the left, a little girl with brown crayon pigtails and bright blue dungarees, in the middle was a woman with waist-length, golden hair (Jenna giggled at the exaggeration; her hair was barely past her shoulders), and to the right was a figure so tall that he took up the length of the page.

‘So,’ Jenna began, looking at her daughter with shining eyes and grinning, ‘Who are all these people?’

Lulu sighed in exasperation, making Jenna chuckle, ‘It’s _us_ , Mama!’

The six-year-old hopped down from her seat and stood next to her mother.

‘That’s me, and that’s you -’

‘Okay, and who’s the giant?’

‘That’s not a _giant_ , that’s Jim!’

Jenna grinned.

‘Honey, he’s tall, but he’s not _quite_ twice as tall as me.’

Lulu shrugged, and Jenna laughed.

‘It’s beautiful, my darling, thank you,’ she whispered, wrapping and arm around her daughter and planting a kiss on the top of her head.

‘You’re welcome, Mama! I want to show it to Jim too, when are we seeing him?’ Lulu demanded, clambering into Jenna’s lap.

Jenna pursed her lips thoughtfully. She and Jim hadn’t really made Christmas arrangements. He’d travelled back to Connecticut a couple of days previously, to visit his parents, and they’d made the vague agreement that he’d call at some point over the break to organise something.

‘Well, we’ll see him soon, Lulu,’ she answered, lifting her daughter back onto the floor and getting up to see to the food. ‘Could you fetch some plates?’ she called over to her as she donned her own oven mitts and crouched down to see to the turkey.

The pair of them munched their way through the vast majority of the food (Lulu finally conceded to her mother’s gentle suggestions that she might want to take the oven mitts _off_ ). Jenna scraped the leftovers into a Tupperware, intending to create something with them for Boxing Day. Then, she sent texts to Dawn and Becky inviting them on their walk. She looked out the window to see that the snow was falling thick and fast, coating everything in a blanket of sparkling white. It took all of five minutes for Dawn and Becky to reply with “Absolutely!” and “HELL YEAH” respectively, and Jenna walked through to the front room where Lulu was watching _Frozen_ on the television.

‘Hey, little girl, you wanna get your woollies on?’ Jenna asked, watching as Elsa created her ice-palace, ‘Dawn and Becky are coming too.’

Lulu nodded vigorously and ran to her bedroom, emerging minutes later in a hat, scarf and mittens. She pulled on her wellies, and her coat, then stood proudly by the door. Jenna chuckled, before bundling herself up in her own hat, scarf, mittens, coat and wellies. Taking her daughter’s hand, the pair of them walked through the front door towards where Becky was waiting in her car, giving an occasional perfunctory toot of the horn.

* * *

‘So, how are you, Dawn? Really,’ Jenna asked as they trudged through several inches of snow, through the woods surrounding the town.

Dawn smiled bravely, ‘I’m okay, Jenna,’ she answered. ‘I went to the doctor the other day, just to talk things through. That helped a lot.’

‘Good,’ Jenna said with a nod, glancing in front of her to watch as Becky and Lulu galloped through the snow-drifts with gleeful abandon.

‘How’s things with _your_ baby?’ Dawn asked, turning to look at Jenna.

‘Oh, fine, so far,’ Jenna answered, absently patting her stomach through the layers of jumper and coat.

‘And Jim?’ Dawn prompted, nudging her with her elbow.

‘Also fine,’ Jenna said with a smile.

‘I’m so glad, Jenna, honestly,’ Dawn said earnestly, linking her arm through Jenna’s and huddling against her, ‘And how’s Lulu?’

‘I think she’ll be fine too. I’ll have to show you the drawing she gave me,’ Jenna murmured, ‘It was the sweetest thing.’

The pair of them shared a grin and then watched as Becky and Lulu ran on ahead to a clearing.

‘Mama!’ Lulu bellowed, turning around towards Jenna, ‘We’re building a snowman!’

In response, Jenna made an exaggerated thumbs-up in the air with her free hand, before shoving it back in the warmth of her pocket and trudging onwards towards them.

The quartet worked together to make a snowman, patting layer upon layer on snow until it towered above them all. Jenna delicately indented a neckline with the side of her hand, smoothing all the edges down until the creation looked less like a pillar and more like a person.

‘He’s real tall,’ Lulu observed, before adding in glee, ‘It’s Jim!’

The three women laughed.

‘He’s Jim just because he’s tall?’ Becky asked, chuckling.

Lulu nodded, giving snow-Jim an affectionate pat on his arm.

‘I think Jim needs a face,’ Dawn said firmly, scouting around the ground for suitable stones and twigs.

Shortly after, snow-Jim had a face, with slate eyes and a crooked, twiggy grin.

‘Wait, Becky, lift me up,’ Lulu requested, reaching her arms up.

Becky heaved her onto her hip, and the six-year-old reached up, removing the glove off her right hand to trace two anxious eyebrows above snow-Jim’s eyes.

‘ _Now_ he’s finished,’ she declared proudly, allowing Becky to set her back down on the ground.

Jenna laughed, pulling her phone out of her pocket to take a photo.

Although the blizzard had long since tapered off, there was still a biting chill to the air and the skies above were gloomy.

‘We’d best set off for home,’ Jenna said, wincing at the clouds, ‘It ain’t getting any warmer.’

* * *

Back at home, wrapped in blankets and cradling mugs of hot chocolate, Jenna and Lulu watched the rest of _Frozen_ together. Lulu was fighting to keep her eyes open, with the excitement of the day and the hike in the snow having finally caught up with her. Before long, her head had dropped into her mother’s lap, and Jenna quickly took her mug from her hand before the dregs of her hot chocolate could drip onto the carpet.

She cast her gaze around the room, taking in the forgotten scraps of wrapping paper littered around the base of the tree, and the small pile of presents sat in the middle of the coffee table. Just like that, Christmas was over for another year. Now that all the excitement of gift-giving, and the unexpected blizzard, and building a snow-Jim, had all passed, Jenna felt rather drowsy. She was considering snuggling down with her daughter and snoozing for a while, when her phone started ringing. Muting the television, Jenna picked it up to see who was calling, and felt her heart jump.

‘Hey, Jim!’ she greeted, holding the phone to her ear, ‘Happy Christmas!’

‘Happy Christmas, Jenna!’ came Jim’s cheerful reply, ‘I hope I’m not calling you too late?’

‘Nope,’ Jenna said happily, settling back into the sofa, ‘It’s only about eight o’clock here.’

‘Oh, good,’ Jim said, sounding genuinely relieved, ‘So, how was today? How’s Lulu?’

‘Lovely day, thank you,’ Jenna replied, reaching down to gently comb her fingers through her sleeping daughter’s hair, ‘Lulu’s wiped out, bless her.’

She heard Jim chuckle down the phone, and grinned.

‘What did you get up to for her to be so wiped out?’ he asked.

‘ _Well_ ,’ Jenna began, sitting a little straighter, ‘We went for a walk with Dawn and Becky, and we built a snowman.’

‘Oh my God, I’m so jealous,’ Jim groaned, ‘We've had loads of snow but I didn't get to build a snowman.’

He sounded genuinely disappointed, and Jenna tutted in sympathy. 'Anyway,' she continued, 'The snowman was real tall, so Lulu decided it was you.’

‘Oh, really?’ Jim said, sounding touched, ‘That’s so sweet. I’ve always wanted to be recreated out of snow.’

Jenna honestly couldn’t tell whether he was joking or not.

‘I’ll have to show you the photo of it,’ she continued, examining her finger nails, ‘I think you’ll agree it’s quite a likeness. Right down to your eyebrows.’

She heard Jim laugh loudly, and couldn’t help a giggle herself. Lulu shifted slightly in her lap, frowning at the disturbance. Jenna ran a gentle index finger down the bridge of her daughter’s nose soothingly, and she settled back down.

‘So, hey, Jenna,’ Jim began.

Jenna rolled her eyes fondly at his need to confirm that it was indeed still her he was talking to.

‘I visited my parents today,’ Jim continued.

‘Oh, how lovely,’ Jenna contributed, fighting a yawn. ‘Are they well?’

‘Yes, yes. They’re well,’ Jim answered.

‘And?’ Jenna prompted, sensing his hesitancy.

‘They’d like to meet you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this update took so long - I've been suffering from the infamous Writer's Block for the past few weeks and it's been a struggle to get this chapter written. I've got some (hopefully) good stuff planned for what's left of the story, so I hope you'll stick with it! Thank you for reading xx P.S. 1500 hits? That's crazy... Lovely, but crazy.


	26. Chapter 26

Within a few days, full of frantic phone calls and frenzied internet searches for any deals on flights, Jenna had booked a short trip to Connecticut for her and Lulu. It would take place in the last remaining days before Lulu was back at school, and although the diner would be open again, Jenna trusted her staff to keep it under control until her return. She had booked the trip before she’d really given herself a chance to fully come to terms with why she was going, and talk herself out of it as a result.

It wasn’t that she didn’t _want_ meet Jim’s parents. Rather, she just wasn’t sure how they’d react to her. Jim had barely spoken about them, but she assumed they were wealthy enough at least to put their son through medical school. She couldn’t help but feel that a woman in charge of a humble pie shop in a one-light town didn’t seem like a particularly worthy match for a junior doctor with gleaming career prospects.

Jim had reassured her at every opportunity that everything would be fine and that his parents would love her. Becky had, affectionately as usual, told her she was being an idiot.

‘Of _course_ they’ll love you,’ she’d said as they’d sat with hot chocolates one evening. ‘Why wouldn’t they?’

Jenna had simply shrugged.

Lulu, on the other hand, was beside herself with excitement at the prospect of flying in a plane for the first time. She’d been subjected to many speeches from her classmates about trips to Disneyland, and vacations to different countries, and had occasionally looked plaintively at her mother whenever they’d passed the travel agent in their town. Jenna wanted more than anything to take her daughter on vacation, but had - for one reason or another – never quite got around to it. Truthfully, she could barely afford the flights to and from Connecticut, and had had to dip into the savings she’d put aside (the prize money from the Springfield pie contest and the pittance she’d got from the divorce). But, she hoped against hope, it would be worth it.

So pre-occupied had Jenna been with organising their last-minute trip that she’d barely spared a thought for seeing in the new year. They had both ended up going to Dawn and Ogie’s house for dinner, joined by Becky, and had welcomed January 1st with glasses of champagne (or sparkling grape juice for the pregnant and under-21s) and chocolate-coated strawberries.

Jenna had confided in Dawn her concerns about meeting Jim’s parents, and – to an extent – Dawn seemed as anxious as she was.

‘Oh, but I’m sure they’ll love you, Jenna,’ she’d said, and Jenna had tried to believe her. ‘You are the queen of kindness and goodness.’

‘You’ve said that before and it embarrasses me just as much now as it did then,’ Jenna responded fondly.

‘You _are_ though,’ Dawn insisted, before adding in triumph, ‘Why don’t you bake them a pie?’

Jenna had to admit that that actually wasn’t such a bad idea.

* * *

‘Mama! Mama! Mama!’ came Lulu’s yelping voice as she pelted through to her mother’s bedroom and launched herself onto the bed.

Jenna, who had been sleeping soundly up until this point, spluttered in surprise at the sudden presence of an over-excited six-year-old in her bed. It took her a few bleary moments to remember what day it was, who she was, and what was happening.

‘You need to pack, Mama!’ Lulu yelled, bouncing on her knees as Jenna heaved herself into a sitting position.

‘Lulu, honey…’ Jenna muttered, glancing over at the clock on her nightstand. It was barely 7am. By her daughter’s usual standards: practically midday.

‘Where’s your suitcase? Let me help. Do you wanna see what _I_ packed, Mama?’

‘Sure,’ Jenna nodded, pressing her knuckles into her closed eyes to rid them of sleep.

Lulu leapt off the bed and scurried back into her bedroom. Jenna flopped back against her pillows and rested her hands on her stomach. Her bump was more noticeable now that she was almost four months along, and she ran her hands gently down it over the material of her nightgown. She was about to reach for the glass of water she kept on her nightstand when she felt a little kick from her lower abdomen.

‘Well, good morning to you too,’ she whispered, replacing the glass once she’d taken a drink from it and sitting with both hands clasped beneath her belly.

Before long, Lulu came storming back in with her little suitcase in tow. It had been rammed full of far too many clothes for a four-day vacation, and pinged open before Lulu could get it to the bed. The contents promptly tumbled to the floor. Jenna chuckled, before noticing her daughter’s crest-fallen look and swiftly changing her expression into one of sympathy.

‘We’ll sort it out in a minute, darling. Come here,’ Jenna whispered, holding her arms out and waiting for the girl to clamber into them. ‘Put your hand here,’ she said, taking Lulu’s hand and placing it where her own had been moments before. The six-year-old frowned for a moment or two, wondering why on earth her mother was making her put her hand on her stomach, before the baby kicked again, and her expression immediately turned to one of utter delight.

‘Oh, _wow_!’ she breathed, ‘Make them do it again, Mama!’

Jenna laughed. ‘I can’t make them do it, sweetheart. They’ve got a little mind of their own.’

Lulu nodded eagerly, before kissing her mother on the cheek and jumping off the bed again to collect her scattered belongings.

Slowly, Jenna got out of bed and knelt next to her daughter, scanning her eyes over the things she’d proposed to bring with her.

‘Honey, we’re going for four days. I don’t think you need ten t-shirts,’ she suggested gently, picking up a couple of pastel-coloured ones and putting them to one side.

Lulu pouted.

‘And let’s just take the jean shorts and overalls. I didn’t even know you _had_ this many clothes, Lulu… When did you last _wear_ this dress?’ Jenna continued, holding up a frilly number in suspicion. Jenna had bought it two years previously for a garden party at Lulu’s playschool: the then four-year-old had flounced around in it for thirty minutes or so before promptly tripping up and finishing spread-eagled on the concrete. She’d grazed both knees and the heels of both hands, and cried on her mother’s shoulder as if the world was ending. Jenna examined the dress now, and saw that there was still a small tear in the fabric where Lulu had fallen. She hadn’t realised they’d hung on to it.

‘Well, we might go to a _party_ , Mama,’ Lulu said in vexation, crossing her arms over her chest.

‘This dress wouldn’t fit you now, Lulu,’ Jenna replied, raising an eyebrow at her daughter’s tone. ‘How about this little skirt?’ she suggested, holding up a pleated denim skirt, with daisies embroidered on the pockets.

‘I _suppose_ ,’ Lulu grunted.

‘Can we lose the attitude, please?’ Jenna admonished, placing the skirt firmly alongside the two t-shirts.

Lulu bit her lip. She knew when she was towing the line, and she knew when to stop.

‘Now,’ Jenna went on, pursing her lips, ‘So far we’ve got two t-shirts, shorts, overalls, and the skirt. You can pick two more t-shirts, okay?’

Lulu nodded, and meekly pointed to two t-shirts. Jenna picked them up, folded them, and added them to the pile.

‘Would you like me to help you pack these, or can you do it yourself?’ Jenna asked, a little surprised at how stern she still sounded.

‘I can do it myself,’ Lulu said in a small voice, gathering up Jenna’s selection of clothes and putting them in the suitcase.

‘Good,’ Jenna said gently, rubbing her daughter’s back, ‘Now you just need underwear and shoes.’

Lulu nodded, pulling together the small mountain of clothes which she _wasn’t_ taking with her, and padding back through to her bedroom. Her head was bowed, and Jenna followed her.

‘What’s wrong, baby?’ she asked her, helping her put clothes back into drawers.

‘You got mad,’ Lulu said quietly.

‘I’m sorry, sweetheart,’ Jenna said, feeling guilt tug at her, ‘Mama’s just been a little stressed with organising this trip for us. I’m sorry I got a little snappy.’

Lulu offered her a wry smile.

Once all the clothes were put away, Jenna knelt down in front of her daughter and grinned at her.

‘Hey, you know what we do when we feel a bit sad?’ she said.

‘We make a pie,’ Lulu replied, and Jenna noticed a grin twitching at the corners of her mouth.

‘Let’s do that, then,’ Jenna said, poking her daughter in the stomach until she finally gave in and erupted into giggles.

* * *

The afternoon rolled around, and it was time to go to the airport. Becky had offered to drive them both to and from (partly to be helpful and partly to get in on all the gossip first). They were speeding down the highway, Lulu strapped into the back seat and Jenna sat next to Becky in the front.

‘So, where do his folks live then?’ Becky asked, glancing in the rear-view mirror as she switched lanes.

‘Hartford,’ Jenna responded, resting both hands on top of her stomach. It felt a little quivery, and she was almost certain it wasn’t just the baby.

‘Ooh!’ Becky exclaimed, ‘It’s nice up there.’

‘Have you been?’ Jenna asked her, turning to face her.

‘No, but I’ve seen pictures.’

Jenna smiled. ‘I just hope they’re nice people,’ she said in a small voice, running a hand over her stomach.

‘Well, Jim seems nice, and he must’ve got that from somewhere,’ Becky said decisively, turning off from the highway and heading towards the airport.

‘I guess we’ll find out,’ Jenna said, taking a few deep breaths to settle to bubble of panic in the pit of her belly. She was comforted when Becky took one hand off the steering wheel and wrapped it over one of her own, giving it a quick squeeze.

‘Are we there yet?’ Lulu piped up from the back seat.

‘Nearly, little girl!’ Becky replied, grinning at her in the rear-view mirror, ‘About twenty more minutes.’

Lulu nodded and returned to looking out the window, jiggling her legs.

* * *

Jenna and Lulu sat next to each other in their seats on the plane, strapped in and holding hands. Lulu was looking at everything in wide-eyed wonder, grinning at the glamorous air hostesses as they glided up and down the aisles. Jenna sat with an open packet of Jolly Ranchers in her lap; the first (and only) time she’d flown on a plane was to go to the Springfield pie contest, and she’d found that having candy to suck on during take-off and landing had helped stop her ears popping with the changes in air pressure.

‘You excited, girl?’ Jenna asked her daughter, although the answer was obvious.

Lulu nodded with great enthusiasm, reaching for a Jolly Rancher and unwrapping it.

‘I wonder what they’ll be like,’ she mused, popping the candy into her mouth.

‘I wonder that too, sweetheart,’ Jenna murmured. She’d thought of practically nothing else.

They were pulled from their wondering by the sound of the cabin crew going through the safety procedures. They listened dutifully as they were told where exits were and what to do should the pilot have to perform an emergency landing. Jenna snuck a look at her daughter and noticed that she suddenly looked worried.

‘Mama, we won’t crash, will we?’ she asked, her eyes wide.

‘No, darling. But they need to tell us what to do, just in case,’ Jenna soothed, adjusting her seatbelt.

‘Just in case… we crash?’

‘No, just in case something goes wrong with the plane.’

‘What if something goes wrong with the plane?’

‘Well, we’ll know what to do!’ Jenna said brightly, tucking a wayward strand of her behind her daughter’s ear.

‘But… if something goes wrong with the plane, we’ll crash,’ Lulu whimpered, her bottom lip starting to wobble.

‘We won’t crash, darling. We might just have a bit of a bumpy landing,’ Jenna murmured, taking one of Lulu’s hands in her own. ‘And I’ll tell you a secret,’ she added, leaning in, ‘You know the pilot?’

‘The man who drives the plane?’

‘That’s right,’ Jenna nodded, grinning, ‘Well, I’ll tell you something. He’s magic.’

Lulu wrinkled her nose and giggled, ‘No he’s _not_.’

‘Well, he can fly this plane and all these people through the air. _I’d_ say that was magic,’ Jenna said, shrugging.

Lulu twisted her mouth as she contemplated this argument. ‘I don’t think he’s _magic_ , but he must be real clever. I bet he’s had lots of practise, too.’

‘Sure has,’ Jenna said, ‘It’s all gonna be just fine, little girl. I promise you.’

Lulu nodded, then flinched as the plane started to move. Jenna grabbed her hand and held it, and they both sat back in their seats. Though she’d never admit it to her daughter, she felt more than a little apprehensive, both about the journey ahead of them, and what was waiting at their destination.

* * *

When Jenna, one hand holding onto her daughter’s and the other pulling her suitcase, saw Jim waiting for them at the exit to the airport, she felt herself grin so much that her cheeks hurt.

‘There’s Jim!’ Lulu announced, as if her mother hadn’t already seen.

‘Go on, darling, I’ll catch up,’ Jenna replied, letting go of Lulu’s hand so the girl could run and greet him.

She watched as the six-year-old pelted towards Jim and wrapped her arms so fiercely around his upper thighs that he nearly toppled over. Giggling, she picked up her pace a little, and when she reached them, she put the suitcases on the floor and wrapped her arms around Jim’s waist, sandwiching Lulu between them.

‘Wow, what a greeting,’ Jim said, laughing, ‘How was your trip?’

‘Good! The pilot didn’t crash, so that’s good,’ Lulu said, letting go of Jim and bouncing on her toes.

‘First time on a plane,’ Jenna explained, smiling.

Jim nodded, ‘Ah, I see. I remember my first time on a plane, and I bet I was nowhere near as brave as you.’

Lulu shrugged proudly.

‘So, shall we go? Let me take your things,’ Jim offered, picking up the suitcases from the floor and leading the pair of them through the large sliding doors towards the parking lot.

They reached the car, and Jim let Lulu get into the back seat before turning to Jenna.

‘Hi,’ he said, and there was that big lopsided grin that made Jenna’s head go fuzzy.

‘Hi,’ she said, smiling.

He kissed her quickly on the mouth and then turned to get into the driver’s seat. She walked around the car and got in next to him, then they set off towards Hartford.

The drive was long, taking them through concrete buildings which turned into amber-coloured countryside. It was early evening and the winter sun was creeping downwards behind the trees. Jenna gazed out the window at the rolling hills and peaceful farmland. She’d never been to this part of the country; the only place she’d been outside of Kentucky was Springfield, and she was struck by how pretty it was.

Eventually, countryside turned into grand suburban homes, set back from the road by large green lawns, and driveways lined with trees which were bare after the winter, yet still somehow elegant. Jim pulled into a driveway, with softly glowing lanterns stood along it. Jenna blinked herself awake, feeling drowsy with the events of the day and the comforting sound of wheels crunching along gravel, and turned to look at Lulu in the back seat. She smiled softly.

‘Lulu, honey, we’re here.’

The six-year-old had dozed off, and Jenna reached out to rub a hand over her knee. She awoke with a start and stretched.

‘Okay,’ Jim said, more to himself than to anyone else, and took the keys out of the ignition. He got out of the car and walked around to the trunk to retrieve the suitcases.

Jenna got out of her side, then opened Lulu’s door to lift her sleepy child into her arms. She pressed a kiss to her hair, then followed Jim to his parent’s front door.

Jim put the suitcases down on the doorstep and fumbled in his pockets to find the key, before the door was opened by a woman who looked to be in her early sixties. She had silver-grey hair, and the same clear eyes as her son.

‘Mom, hi,’ Jim said, as if surprised to see his mother in her own home.

‘Hello, Jim,’ the woman said, before looking at Jenna.

Jenna smiled brightly as she felt the woman take in everything from the outfit she was wearing, to her tousled hair, and finally to the sleeping girl she had hoisted up on one hip.

‘And you must be Jenna,’ she said, nodding.

Jenna nodded.

‘It’s lovely to meet you, Miss – um…’

‘Mary,’ said Jim’s mother, smiling tightly, ‘Call me Mary.’

‘It’s lovely to meet you, Mary,’ Jenna said, ‘I’d shake your hand, but, um…’

She giggled nervously, cocking her head towards Lulu.

Mary smiled, and Jenna couldn’t help but notice the expression didn’t quite reach her eyes.

‘Do come in,’ the woman said, stepping back from the doorway and letting the three of them into the house.

Jenna obeyed, holding her daughter a little closer to her and trying to ignore the butterflies catapulting themselves around her stomach.


	27. Chapter 27

Mary and James Pomatter’s home was like none other that Jenna had ever set foot in. It was huge, with varnished wood flooring in every room. Collections of paintings adorned the walls, and Jenna would not have been surprised if they were originals rather than printed copies. She followed mutely behind Mary as she glided through to the living room. Lulu was still asleep, and had grown heavy, and Jenna was relieved when she was able to sit on one of the plush armchairs and let her curl up in her lap.

‘So, you must be Jenna,’ greeted James Pomatter, who was the image of his son. His smile seemed a little more genuine than his wife’s had, which went some way in calming Jenna’s rapidly-rising nerves.

‘Lovely to meet you, Mr -’

‘Please, call me James.’

Jenna nodded, shaking his hand from her seated position. She watched as Jim shuffled from one foot to the other before finally sitting in another armchair across the room from her. Somehow, he looked just as nervous as she was.

‘So, Jenna,’ Mary began, sitting down next to her husband on a chaise longue.

As best she could, Jenna sat up straighter in her seat and smiled brightly.

‘We’ve heard so much about you,’ James said, ‘We were so happy to hear that Jim had met someone.’

Jenna nodded and flicked her eyes over to Mary, whose expression somewhat contradicted what James had just said.

‘Jim tells us that you’re in charge of a diner?’ James continued.

‘Yes, I am,’ Jenna answered, ‘Lulu’s Pies, off Highway 27.’

‘Lovely,’ James said, tilting his head towards the sleeping six-year-old in Jenna’s lap, ‘And is this Lulu?’

‘Sure is,’ Jenna said, gently combing her fingers through her daughter’s hair, ‘I’m sorry she’s not the best company. Today was her first time on a plane and I think the excitement’s worn her out.’

‘That’s quite alright,’ James said.

‘How long have you been in charge of this diner?’ Mary asked, clasping her hands together in her lap and folding one slim ankle over the other.

‘Well, I took it on just after Lulu was born, so about six years now.’

Mary nodded. There was a short silence.

‘Jenna’s real good at making pies, Mom,’ Jim suddenly contributed.

‘I brought one with me, actually,’ Jenna said, ‘I just hope it survived the flight.’

‘Oh, you really shouldn’t have,’ Mary said.

‘Really, it’s no problem,’ Jenna said, laughing nervously.

The group sat in silence for a few moments. Jenna took in more of the room around her, squinting at a large photograph stood in the centre of the mantlepiece. There were two figures in it, a bride and groom. The bride was blonde, dressed in ivory satin and clutching a bouquet full of white and red flowers. The groom stood next to her was tall, slim, and dressed in a slate-grey suit. She presumed they were a young Mary and James, as, from a distance, the groom possessed a particular resemblance to Jim. Jenna’s mouth twitched.

‘Do you like music?’ James asked, getting up and walking over to a gramophone stood beside one wall.

‘Sure,’ Jenna answered with a smile.

James lifted the needle onto the record and some grand operatic duet began playing.

‘I just love Puccini, don’t you?’ Mary said, smiling properly for the first time that evening.

‘Um – sure,’ Jenna said. She’d never heard of him. The music was nice enough, but Jenna felt her skin creeping with the realisation of just how different her world was from this one. This world with oil paintings, and varnished wood floors, and gramophones playing opera.

‘I’m sorry, um – is there somewhere I can put Lulu to bed?’ she asked, awkwardly heaving herself up from the armchair and hoisting her daughter onto one hip. The girl stirred, blinking momentarily at her unfamiliar surroundings, before flopping her head back down on her mother’s shoulder.

‘Yes, yes. If you go upstairs, the guest room’s the second door on the left,’ Mary said, waving her hand.

Jenna nodded and left the room, feeling her skin prickle.

As she began her ascent of the gleaming wooden staircase, Jenna looked more closely at the pictures on the walls. There was one of a vase of spring flowers, another of what looked like Central Park in New York. Towards the top of the staircase, there was a quartet of photos of Jim as a little boy. Jenna couldn’t help a small smile as she established that, even as a child, he looked anxious beyond his years. She took in the clothes he was wearing, from corduroy shorts to pastel-blue sweater vests. And there was her, a kid who’d always been outside (either to play, or to be kept away from what was happening inside) and had patches on the elbows of her dresses as there’d been no money for new ones.

Frowning, she padded along the landing and into the guest room as directed. There was a king-size bed, crisp and white, in the centre of the room. Jenna carried Lulu over to it, before remembering that all of her nightclothes were still in the suitcase which had been left in the hall. Sighing, she gently laid Lulu down on the bed and went back downstairs to fetch it.

Back in the hall, Jenna picked up her suitcase in one hand, and Lulu’s in the other. Before she set off back upstairs, she was aware of voices coming from inside the living room. Although her mother, for many complicated reasons, would have never approved of her listening through closed doors, Jenna felt her feet walking her towards the door before she had a chance to stop them.

‘Have you spoken to Francine at all?,’ came James’ voice.

‘No, Dad. We’re divorced now. She’s moved on, I’ve moved on,’ Jim said, wearily, as if he’d had to say it more than once.

‘You’ve _certainly_ moved on,’ Mary said curtly.

‘Mom, it was over years ago. You know that.’

‘She doesn’t say much, does she?’ James commented.

‘Well, she’s had a long flight. Plus, she was so nervous about meeting you two. Could you make an effort to make her feel welcome, please?’ Jim’s voice sounded pleading. Jenna bit her lip.

‘Sure,’ Mary said blandly.

Jenna let out a small sigh. This little excursion was going to be even more difficult than she’d first anticipated.

She climbed back up the staircase and walked through to the guest-room. Lulu was still out-for-the-count, and Jenna felt her eyes grow heavy with drowsiness. She figured she’d feel better in the morning.

One she’d successfully got Lulu into her nightclothes without waking her, she got into her pyjamas. There was a floor length mirror in front of the window, and she stood in front of it, turning to the side to look at her growing belly. Then a thought struck her. Why hadn’t Mary or James mentioned the baby? She twisted her mouth and frowned, before seeing the reflection of Jim stood in the doorway. She spun around to face him.

‘Hey,’ she said, offering him a small smile.

‘I’m sorry. They’re not the best at meeting new people,’ Jim muttered, stepping forward and wrapping Jenna in a hug.

‘It’s okay,’ she mumbled into his chest, before pulling away and peering up at him. Then, her eyes grew wide and she squeaked, ‘ _Shit_ , the pie!’

Jim looked bemused. ‘What about the pie?’

‘It’s still in the suitcase,’ Jenna explained in exasperation, wrenching herself from Jim’s arms, running to unzip the case and ransacking its contents as she spoke. It was all Jim could do to stand and watch, as Jenna excavated a large, round tin from beneath several layers of clothing. Gingerly, she levered off the lid and peered at the Strawberry Dream pie inside. Her brow crumpled in distress.

‘Great. Now the pie’s ruined,’ she muttered, plonking the tin onto the carpet and shoving it away from her.

Biting his lip, Jim walked over to the tin and peered inside.

‘Jenna, there’s like the tiniest dent in one side,’ he said gently.

‘Still ruined,’ Jenna muttered, crossing her arms, ‘They already don’t like me and now I can’t even give them a good pie.’

‘Jenna,’ Jim said, a little firmer, ‘Don’t say that.’

She looked at him, feeling tears scratch at the backs of her eyes.

‘Do they know about the baby?’ she asked.

Jim blinked at her, apparently stumped by the question. ‘Um. Well -’

‘Jim?’

‘They -’

‘You haven’t told them, have you?’ Jenna’s question sounded more like a statement of defeat. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, dropping her head.

Jim didn’t say anything for a moment or two, apparently trying to catch up with Jenna’s sudden and dramatic change in subject matter.

‘I – I didn’t know how to,’ he said.

‘What do you mean, you didn’t know how to?’ Jenna spluttered, ‘You just tell them!’

‘Well, you’ve met them! They’re not easy to talk to!’ Jim responded, his brow crumpling.

‘Quiet, you’ll wake Lulu,’ Jenna said in a harsh whisper.

‘Sorry,’ Jim replied, at a dramatically lower volume.

‘Jim,’ Jenna began, lifting her head and holding his gaze, ‘This isn’t something we can just sweep under the rug and deal with later.’

Jim nodded.

‘We’ll tell them tomorrow,’ Jenna decided.

‘Are you sure you don’t want to tell them yourself?’ Jim suggested hopefully.

‘Absolutely not,’ Jenna said firmly, ‘This baby’s half yours. If I’m going down, you’re coming with me.’

Jim looked uncannily like the anxious boy she’d seen in the photos only moments before. Jenna felt a twinge of guilt, but it did little to quell her annoyance.

‘We’ve never done things the easy way, have we? You and me?’ she asked rhetorically, standing up to walk over to her sleeping daughter. She tucked her in more tightly, exhaling heavily through her nose.

‘No, I guess we haven’t,’ Jim murmured, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets.

‘Why exactly did your parents want to meet me?’ Jenna asked him, perching on the corner of the bed.

‘Well, I’d talked about you at Christmas and they just said they wanted to meet you. You’re so different from Francine,’ Jim explained, sitting down next to her.

Jenna nodded slowly, glancing down at her clasped hands. ‘Different in what way?’ she asked quietly.

‘Just… different.’

‘Thanks, that clears that up,’ Jenna muttered, rolling her eyes.

Jim reached for her hand, interlinking his fingers with hers. She felt him gently squeeze, but she didn’t return it. She suddenly felt devoid of all energy.

‘I’m sorry, Jim, I’m real tired. I need sleep,’ she murmured, grimly aware of how her voice was starting to wobble.

‘Okay,’ Jim said, ‘I’ll be just next door.’

Jenna nodded, offering him a weak smile.

Jim gave Jenna’s hand one last squeeze before getting up and leaving the room, clicking the door closed behind him. He opened the door again after about two seconds, however, and walked into the room to pick up the pie tin.

‘I’ll put this in the fridge,’ he said, leaning over to give Jenna a quick kiss on the forehead. Then he was gone again.

Jenna sat on the corner of the bed for a while, allowing herself to take in more of the room around her. The carpet was thick, and cream-coloured. Small watercolour paintings of flowers lined one wall. There was a wicker chair sat in one corner, with a large embroidered cushion placed on top of it. The entire room looked like something out of Better Homes. Jenna let out a shaky breath and stood up to switch the light off.

She crept under the covers and shifted up alongside Lulu, who had rolled over in her sleep and was now slumbering on her stomach. Gently, Jenna placed a hand on her daughter’s back, feeling it rise and fall with each breath she took. There was something immediately comforting about it. Jenna brought her other hand down to cradle her stomach, and fell asleep that way, with a worried frown still etched into her forehead.

* * *

Scurrying thoughts and an unfamiliar bed did not make for a particularly restful night’s sleep. Jenna awoke early the next morning, her eyes feeling full of sand and her body aching. She also felt sick.

‘I thought we were _done_ with this now, baby…’ she muttered to her bump, heaving herself into a sitting position and then shuffling to the edge of the bed slowly, so as not to wake Lulu.

She let her feet dangle over the edge of the bed and took a few deep breaths. Sometimes, this was enough to keep the morning sickness at bay, but to Jenna’s dismay, it wasn’t enough today.

With a grunt, she levered herself up from the bed and walked over to the door. She creaked it open and peered out onto the landing, then quickly tiptoed out in search of a bathroom. To her relief, it was a few steps away, just at the end of the landing. She crept towards it as quickly and quietly as she could, then stepped inside and clicked the door closed behind her.

She didn’t spend much time taking in the elaborate décor of the bathroom before promptly emptying the contents of her stomach into the crisp white porcelain toilet. She huffed, sitting on her knees and bringing a trembling hand to her forehead.

Having not had the foresight to put her washbag in the bathroom the night before, and really needing to swill her mouth with mouthwash, she heaved herself to her feet, flushed the toilet and walked over to the door. When she creaked it open, however, she came face to face with Mary, who was swathed in a silk bathrobe and had her silver hair fixed in rollers. The two women blinked at each other for a moment or two, both wishing that they were in more socially-acceptable attire.

‘Oh, good morning,’ Jenna said, managing a smile.

‘Good morning,’ Mary replied, eyeing her with such intensity that Jenna felt herself shrink about a foot in height, ‘Are you alright? You look awfully pale.’

Jenna flinched.

‘Um, I’m okay,’ she began, sensing her opportunity and being painfully unsure of whether she should take it.

Mary pursed her lips.

‘I was just going to make some tea, once I’d washed up. Would you like some?’ she asked.

Jenna could tell from her rather stilted phrasing that she was making a conscious effort to be welcoming.

‘Tea would be great,’ she said with a nod, moving out of the way so that Mary could use the bathroom.

‘I’ll be down in a few minutes,’ Mary said before closing the door.

Jenna stood staring at the bathroom door for a moment or two, feeling her stomach tie itself in knots. She finally turned back to her room and padded inside, finding Lulu finally awake in bed and looking distinctly puzzled.

‘Mama, where are we?’ she demanded with a yawn.

‘We’re at Jim’s parents’ house, Lulu,’ Jenna answered with a quiet chuckle, ‘You didn’t see much of it last night – you fell asleep on the way from the airport.’

Lulu nodded and pressed her fists into her closed eyes.

‘I’ll be back in a little while, I’m just gonna talk to Jim’s mama for a bit,’ Jenna said. As an afterthought, she found a packet of mints in her handbag and popped one into her mouth.

‘I’ll read my book,’ Lulu announced, jumping out of bed and opening her suitcase.

Jenna smiled at her as she located her book ( _The Cat in the Hat_ ) and hopped back into bed. Truthfully, she was relieved that Lulu didn’t want to accompany her downstairs for the moment. She was all too aware that her pending conversation with Mary was not something her six-year-old daughter ought to be involved in.

Once the girl was settled, happily reading the story aloud and stroking her fingers over the illustrations, Jenna took a deep breath and ventured downstairs. She sidled past the living room door and couldn’t resist peeking inside. It looked just as grandiose as it had the night before, and Jenna wandered in to take it all in. The large, velvet drapes were drawn back from the bay windows with thick, golden tassels. She noticed the large photograph on the mantelpiece and edged closer to it, keen to confirm that it was a young Mary and James. When she reached it, however, she could see that the reason why the groom bore such a resemblance to Jim was that it _was_ Jim. Jim, a little younger, and somehow even slimmer, with Francine, on their wedding day.

Jenna winced, but found herself looking more closely at the photograph even though her mind was telling her not to. She tried to find some hint in the bride and groom’s expressions of what their future together would look like, some trace of worry behind the eyes or perhaps a little tension in the way they stood. But she found none. They looked genuinely happy together. Jenna turned away from the photograph and ran a hand across her forehead, letting out a sad, monosyllabic little laugh.

Then, she heard movement from upstairs in the bathroom, so quickly walked through to the kitchen and waited for Mary. She sat down at their large, oak, dining table, leaning her chin on her hands and fixing her gaze downwards.

‘So, tea?’ Mary asked as she breezed in, still wrapped in her silk bathrobe but sans rollers.

‘Yes, please,’ Jenna replied obediently, watching the woman as she moved from cupboard to cupboard, retrieving china tea cups and two teabags.

‘Did you sleep well?’ Mary questioned as she switched the kettle on.

‘Yes,’ Jenna lied, ‘It’s such a comfortable bed. You have a beautiful home.’

‘Thank you,’ Mary replied, turning to her and giving her a small smile, ‘We like it.’

A short silence followed as Mary busied herself with making the tea. Jenna jiggled her legs, feeling the weight of what she had to say pressing further and further on her chest. She clasped her hands together in her lap and sighed.

‘Um, Mary?’ she said finally.

‘Yes?’

Her back was turned as she poured boiling water into the two tea cups. Jenna found this a comfort, in a way.

‘I have something to tell you, and I – um – well, I’m not sure you’re going to like it.’

Mary continued making tea, but Jenna noticed her incline her head slightly towards her.

‘I’m listening.’

Jenna took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a moment or two, then said, ‘Jim and I are having a child together.’

Mary stopped what she was doing. She stopped with such immediacy that Jenna couldn’t be sure she hadn’t somehow turned into stone.

‘I’m sorry?’ the woman asked quietly.

Jenna felt her heart plummet straight to her feet. She took a deep breath.

‘Jim and I are having a child together,’ she said again, calmly.

Silently, Mary swept past her and into the hall.

‘Jim? Jim!’ she shrieked up the stairs, ‘Come to the kitchen this _instant_!’


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must first give some love to MyGoldenChances for her encouragement and reassurance with this chapter - PLEASE go and check out her fic if you haven't already, particularly her current one Things We Lost in the Fire, it's stunning.
> 
> Little disclaimer that this chapter contains mature content *suggestive emoji*

Jim, his hair sticking up at odd ends and his eyes puffy, wandered blearily into the kitchen. He began to yawn, but once he’d fully taken into account the thunderous expression on his mother’s face, he apparently lost the urge and snapped his mouth shut.

‘Mom?’ he said, after a few seconds of tense silence.

‘When were you planning on telling us you were having a child?’ Mary demanded.

‘Um,’ Jim stammered, glancing down at Jenna, who by now had shrunk so far down in her seat that she was almost under the table.

‘I’m waiting for an answer, Jim,’ Mary probed, gripping her elbows.

‘Well, I – we were going to tell you today,’ he said quietly.

‘I thought you’d only just met?’ the woman went on.

‘Well, yes and no.’

Jenna felt sick.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Mary asked, but before Jim could answer she ploughed on, ‘I mean, you’ve just got _divorced_ , Jim.’

‘Yes, Mom, but we were separated for over a year,’ Jim said, sounding as if he was talking through his teeth.

‘You were still married,’ Mary shot back, ‘And I think if you’d have just put more effort in, you’d still be married today.’

‘Mom, don’t,’ Jim said, an edge of desperation creeping into his voice.

Mary paused and swallowed, her nostrils flaring.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t think I want to hear this,’ Jenna said quietly, standing up from her chair and walking out of the room. She ascended the stairs quickly, feeling her heart hammering in her chest, then stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She turned the lock, then turned towards the sink and gripped its edges to steady herself.

She took several deep, shaking breaths. She wanted to go home. Worse than that, she wanted her mother. She brought her hands to her forehead and screwed her eyes closed. If she wished it enough, perhaps this wasn’t really happening.

She was pulled from her thoughts by a tentative knock on the door.

‘Jenna?’

She unlocked the door and stood back, watching as it was immediately opened by Jim. For a few seconds, all they did was look at each other.

‘What the hell?’ Jenna uttered, her voice croaky.

‘Jenna, I -’

‘She _hates_ me.'

‘No, she doesn’t, she -’

Jim paused to close the door behind him.

‘She just really loved Francine,’ he explained with a small shrug, ‘They both did. They probably took the divorce harder than either of us.’

Jenna blinked at him. She wasn’t sure how this was supposed to make her feel any better.

‘I think Mom’s been in denial for a while. Now she can’t ignore that I’ve moved on, and I think that’s got to her.’

‘Well, Jim -’ Jenna pressed her thumbs into the inner corners of her eyes, ‘Will she ever accept it? Will either of them?’

‘It’ll take time,’ he said mutely.

‘Why did you come back?’ she asked, finally looking at him.

‘Huh?’

‘To Kentucky. Why did you come back?’

‘Jenna -’

‘You had so much going for you here. You were successful, you had a successful wife. Why did you give that all up?’ Jenna’s voice had fallen flat. Her eyes had flicked back down to the tiles on the floor. She gripped her elbows.

‘Jenna, why are you asking me this?’

She looked at him, her eyes welling. ‘Just answer the question.’

‘For _you_ ,’ Jim whispered, ‘How do you not know that?’

‘But why me, Jim?’ Jenna insisted, rubbing a hand across her forehead. ‘I mean -’ she almost laughed, ‘I don’t even blame your mom. Next to Francine, I’m just – just a waitress. I’m just -’

Jim wrapped her in his arms before she could say anything else.

‘Breathe,’ he instructed, cradling her head.

She shifted in his embrace so she could bring her hands to his chest. She rested her head on top of them and sighed, finally feeling hot tears spill down her cheeks. He held her as she trembled, rubbing a hand up and down her back.

‘Jenna, I love you. More than that, I’m _in_ love with you.’

She sniffed.

‘You believe me?’ he asked, resting his chin on top of her head.

She lifted her head, and he tilted his down, and they kissed. Slowly, Jenna ran her hands down his sides until they rested at his hips. His cradled her face, pushing her hair behind her ears, then sitting where her neck met her shoulders. The frustrated knots in her stomach seemed to dissolve, giving way to an aching need, and she pressed herself closer to him. She wrapped both arms around his neck and whimpered quietly against his lips. They were then interrupted by a brisk knocking at the door.

‘Mama?’ came Lulu’s voice.

They broke apart, breathing heavily, blinking at each other.

‘Jenna…’ Jim whispered, reaching to brush his thumb along her jawline.

She inhaled through her nose sharply. ‘Not now,’ she murmured.

Then, she scooted around him and opened the door to see her daughter, still dressed in her pyjamas and looking at them both in suspicion.

‘Hi, little Lulu!’ she greeted, far too brightly.

‘What were you doing in here?’ Lulu asked outright, peering at Jim and narrowing her eyes.

‘Just talking,’ Jenna said.

‘Why were you talking in the _bathroom_?’ Lulu asked incredulously.

‘Because we thought it would be somewhere nice and private, and we wouldn’t be interrupted by nosey little girls,’ Jenna whispered, tickling her daughter under her armpits and laughing as she immediately crumpled to the floor in helpless giggles.

Jenna helped the girl to her feet, and the trio all bundled out of the bathroom. Jim retreated to his bedroom, and Jenna and Lulu walked into their own. Jenna felt a little calmer than she had. She guessed she could apportion some of the blame for her outburst to crazy baby-hormones. She rubbed her hands over her face, ridding it of the tears that had begun to dry on her cheeks. She helped Lulu pick out her outfit from her suitcase, then picked out her own from hers.

Once the pair of them were dressed, they walked downstairs to the kitchen, hand in hand. Their stomachs had started to rumble, having had nothing to eat since the burgers they’d eaten at the airport the day before. Mary was in the kitchen, now dressed, and stalking from cupboard to cupboard preparing breakfast. James sat at the table, sipping a mug of coffee and reading the newspaper.

‘Good morning,’ he greeted, looking at the apprehensive mother and child stood in the doorway, ‘Would you care for coffee?’

‘We have de-caff,’ Mary said pointedly from the fridge.

‘Um, no thank you,’ Jenna replied quietly, gripping Lulu’s hand a little tighter, ‘I, um.’

Jim’s parents both looked at her expectantly.

‘This is Lulu,’ Jenna said, gently ushering the girl in front of her and placing her hands on her shoulders.

‘Hello,’ Lulu said brightly, charmingly oblivious.

‘Yes, we’ve heard a lot about you, Lulu,’ James said, smiling at the girl, ‘Jim seems to have taken quite a shine to you.’

Lulu shrugged shyly and looked down at her feet.

‘So, Jenna,’ James continued, returning his gaze to the woman. Jenna felt her stomach plummet. ‘Mary told me your news.’

His face was unreadable. Jenna swallowed.

‘I guess it must have come as a bit of a shock,’ she said nervously.

‘Yes. We were both very fond of Jim’s first wife, and very sad when it didn’t work out between them,’ he said.

Jenna nodded. She squeezed Lulu’s shoulders.

‘But,’ James continued, sipping his coffee, ‘It’s clear that Jim is very happy with you. I was struck by how happy he looked when he mentioned you at Christmas. Truth be told, he hasn’t looked that happy in some months.’

Jenna allowed her eyes to flick over to Mary, who had stopped flitting around like a bad-tempered moth and was now looking steadily at the floor.

‘So, although this has all progressed a little quicker than we might have expected,’ James went on, ‘If our son is happy, then we’re happy too.’

His eyes crinkled into a smile, and Jenna felt such an immense sense of relief that her knees seems to turn to jelly. She sat down at the table, with Lulu pulling out the chair next to her.

‘Would you like breakfast?’ Mary asked, pouring pancake batter into a saucepan on the stove.

‘Yes please,’ Jenna and Lulu said in obedient chorus.

* * *

The day passed awkwardly, but not unpleasantly. Despite her husband’s conciliatory speech, Mary still seemed a little austere to Jenna and Lulu, but she was at least civil. She even engaged Lulu in a short conversation about _The Cat in the Hat_ , when she noticed the girl carting it about the house in search of a good place to read. She showed Lulu their small study, which had one wall consisted entirely of a bookcase, with each shelf crammed full of large, hardbacked volumes. The six-year-old settled herself in a large armchair in the corner of the room, with the book spread across her lap, and grinned at the woman. Jenna noticed Mary still smiling as she passed her on the stairs.

At dinner time, the quintet sat down to a glorious spread of roasted lamb with minted potatoes and carrots glazed with honey and thyme. Jenna chewed her food, with her free hand cradling her bump. She felt Jim place his hand over her knee, which was jiggling slightly, and he held it firmly. She snuck a look at him, but he seemed fully engrossed in his parent’s conversation.

‘So, dessert?’ Mary said, pulling Jenna back to attention.

‘That would be lovely, thank you,’ she said, ‘Actually, we could eat the pie that Lulu and I brought?’

‘Oh, _great_ idea,’ Jim said eagerly.

‘But I made a raspberry pavlova,’ Mary protested, before James placed a hand over hers where it rested on the table top.

‘We can have two desserts,’ he said calmly, ‘Thank you, Jenna.’

Jenna nodded, her eyes a little wide, and stood up from the table.

‘Here, Jenna, I’ll help,’ Jim said, standing up with her, adding with a chuckle, ‘Mom’s a bit particular about people fiddling in her fridge.’

‘Oh, as am I,’ Jenna said, laughing nervously. Mary’s lips twitched upwards into a prim smile.

Jim walked over to the fridge and opened it, before gently lifting out the pie and placing it on the counter top. He got the pavlova out too, and put it next to the pie. Jenna followed him and pulled a knife from the block, beginning to slice the pie into equal pieces.

‘Are we all having both?’ he called over to the rest of the party.

‘Just the pavlova, thank you,’ Mary said.

Jenna sighed quietly, feeling deflated.

‘Mom, Jenna’s pies are delicious,’ Jim said emphatically, ‘At least have a little bit.’

Though she was several feet away, Jenna still heard the fierce exhalation of air from Mary’s nostrils before she finally answered, ‘Alright then, just a small slice.’

Pressing her lips together, Jenna cut one of the slices she’d already got out of the pie dish into two thinner slices. She placed one of them onto a plate which Jim produced from the cupboard. Once all slices had been cut – four average-sized ones and one thin – they were all carried back over to the table. After years of practise, Jenna was able to carry all five plates in her two hands, placing them down in front of each person as if she was back at the diner.

‘Oh, wow,’ James said once he’d eaten the first mouthful, ‘This is delicious.’

Jenna smiled at him, before looking at Mary, who had taken an almost atom-sized amount of pie on her fork and put it in her mouth with all the relish of someone taking an unpleasant medicine.

‘It’s very sweet,’ she observed, swallowing.

‘Strawberry Dream Pie,’ Jenna said, ignoring the tangles of annoyance in her stomach, ‘Lulu’s invention.’

Mary’s eyebrows quirked upwards. ‘Really?’ she asked, looking at the girl.

‘Mm-hm,’ Lulu said with a nod, ‘I love to make pies just like my mama.’

‘How nice,’ Mary said, and Jenna was struck by the sudden warmth present in her voice.

‘How long have you made pies for, Jenna?’ James asked, having already munched his way through two-thirds of his slice.

‘Oh, my whole life, it seems like,’ Jenna answered with a laugh, ‘My mama taught me when I was little. It’s the only thing I’m any good at, really.’

‘Well, you’ve made a business out of it, and that’s commendable,’ James said with a nod, finishing off the rest of his pie and humming appreciatively.

Jenna shrugged, feeling her cheeks heat.

‘Might I have another slice?’ Mary asked casually.

‘Of course,’ Jenna said, watching the woman in amusement as she sidled over to the remaining pie and helped herself to a rather more generously-sized slice.

* * *

Jenna lay awake in bed that night, watching her daughter sleeping beside her. She turned over to lie on her back and stared at the ceiling, puffing her cheeks out. She checked the time on her phone. It was gone midnight, making it almost two hours since Jenna had gone to bed, and almost two hours of sleep eluding her completely. She was bored.

Quietly, she peeled back the covers and got out of bed. She rubbed her eyes, for they were beginning to sting with fatigue, and padded towards the door. She slowly opened it, then slipped out of the room and clicked it closed behind her.

She located Jim’s bedroom door in the darkness, and found it slightly ajar. She took a breath, then slowly edged it open. Then, she stood in the doorway, fiddling with a loose thread on her pyjama top and peering into the darkness to see if he was awake or not.

‘Who’s that?’ came his voice after a few moments, soft, as if he’d just woken up, ‘Jenna?’

‘I can’t sleep,’ she whispered, looking down at her toes and curling them into the carpet.

The pair were suddenly enveloped in light as Jim clicked his bedside light on. They squinted at each other and giggled. Jim lifted his covers and shuffled towards the other side of the bed, patting the empty space beside him. Jenna closed the door and walked over to climb in, snuggling next to him immediately and throwing her arm over his waist. He switched the light off, and then his arms were around her and she pressed her forehead against his chest.

‘You okay?’ he whispered into her hair, gently running a hand up and down her back.

‘Yeah,’ she answered.

His hand reached her lower back, and edged ever so slightly under her top to caress her hip. She shivered and moved closer to him. He seemed encouraged, and his hand grew a little bolder, moving more completely under her top and across her lower back. She shifted in his embrace. His fingers began moving upwards, brushing gently over each divot of her spine. She brought a hand up to rest on his shoulder.

‘Jim,’ she whispered.

‘Mm?’

She tilted her head to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

‘I want to…’

She swallowed. His hand kept moving slowly, gently, up and down her back.

‘You want to what?’

She could tell by his tone that he was being deliberately obtuse. Tutting, she kissed his jaw again, before moving her lips upwards to brush over the shell of his ear. She bit her lips against a grin when he shivered.

He kissed the side of her neck, softly, trailing down to her collar bone. His hand ceased its exploration of her back and settled on her hip, pulling her yet closer to him. His knee nudged ever so slightly between her legs, and she lifted one knee to let him shift fully against her. She felt her skin tingle.

‘Are you sure?’ he asked her, moving his hand from her hip to toy with the hem of her top.

‘Mm,’ she answered in the affirmative, finally kissing him deeply.

She leaned back slightly, tugging him on top of her. He returned his kisses to her collarbone, slowly unbuttoning her top and kissing each inch of skin as he uncovered it. Jenna sighed, running her hands through his hair as he moved lower.

‘I’ve missed you,’ he said, resting his chin on her bare stomach. Even in the darkness, she knew he was smiling.

‘I missed you too,’ she whispered, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth as he pressed kisses to her lower abdomen.

His fingers played with the waistband of her pyjama pants, before gingerly tugging. She lifted her hips, bringing her hands down to help him slide them down her legs. Once they were off, he tossed them to the floor. Her top followed. Then, the pair of them were wrapped up in each other, enveloped in the warmth of the covers. They laughed, glowing in the joy of being together. She gasped as a hand found its way between their bodies, and pressed hot kisses to his neck as his fingers worked between her legs. Then, rolling them over, he moved on top of her and she swung her legs over his hips, her heels pressing into the small of his back. He kissed a trail from her breasts to her gaping mouth, resting his weight on his forearms.

‘I love you,’ he whispered into her neck. He pulled away slightly and gazed down at her.

She reached to brush his hair from his forehead, smiling up at him. ‘I love you too.’

They resumed kissing, and she let out a breathy moan as his hips began to rock. She brought her hands up to grasp the bars of his headboard, partly to brace herself, partly to stop it from thudding against the wall.


	29. Chapter 29

When Jenna’s eyes flickered open the next morning, the first sight she was greeted with was Jim looking at her with a sleepy grin on his face.

‘Good morning,’ he said.

‘Good morning,’ she replied, rubbing her eyes and yawning. When she looked at him again, he was still gazing at her. ‘What?’ she questioned, squinting at him in the semi-gloom.

‘Nothing. You’re just beautiful when you’re sleeping,’ he said.

‘Creep,’ Jenna laughed, but she felt her stomach bubble just the same.

‘But I’m _your_ creep,’ he said, winking.

She giggled and shifted a little closer to him, tucking her head under his chin and sighing happily. She felt his hand move to her side, gliding softly downwards until it settled in the valley between her ribcage and hip. He tilted his chin against her temple, then pressed a kiss there.

‘Everything okay?’ he asked.

‘Yep,’ she whispered.

‘Baby okay?’

‘Mm-hm,’ she mumbled, instinctively moving her hand down to cradle her stomach.

‘I still can’t believe we’re having a baby,’ he said, his voice heightened.

She laughed monosyllabically. ‘Well, we are.’

‘Jenna,’ Jim started, nervously.

‘Yeah?’

She leaned back so she could peer up at him.

‘I was just thinking,’ he said, staring above her head at the wall.

‘Jim?’

‘Um.’

‘Tell me,’ she whispered, kissing his cheek and letting her eyes flicker closed.

‘Do you think we could live together?’ he asked finally, awkwardly, a slight tremble in his voice.

Jenna peered up at him. It was such an obvious request, but she realised with a twinge that she hadn’t really given the matter a lot of thought. It had been vaguely lingering in the back of her mind for a while, but it had always been pushed aside by other matters.

‘Um, yeah, I think we could,’ she said quietly.

‘Like, you could move in with me, or – or I could move in with you?’ he said nervously, still avoiding eye-contact.

‘I guess so.’

‘You don’t sound so sure?’

He moved his hand to the small of her back, his eyes searching hers.

‘Sorry, Jim. I – I just woke up. It might take some time for my enthusiasm to arrive,’ she explained with a sleepy laugh. She tucked her head under his chin and let her eyes flicker closed. ‘I think it’d make sense for you to move in with me, seeing as _I_ have a house,’ she said after a while, absently bringing a hand up to place on his shoulder.

‘Oh, yeah. That totally makes sense,’ Jim said hurriedly.

Jenna looked up at him again. He seemed skittish, a little like a baby deer in headlights. She gently traced a hand down his cheek, smiling at him warmly when his eyes finally met hers.

‘I don’t think you should move in permanently, though. Not straight away,’ she said softly, keeping her hand where it was, softly cupping his face.

‘Oh?’ he questioned, frowning slightly.

Jenna sighed. ‘I just – this is a big step and I want to be ready for it.’

‘Oh, and having a child together is just a _little_ step?’ Jim asked in good-humoured consternation.

Jenna arched an eyebrow at him. ‘You know what I mean,’ she sighed.

‘Well, maybe I don’t,’ Jim said dejectedly, his brow crinkling.

‘I just think Lulu might be a bit freaked out if you suddenly move in with us,’ Jenna said quietly, ‘She’s used to it just being her and me. She loves you,’ she added hastily, when she noticed Jim’s expression grow suddenly panicked, ‘But I think she should be eased in gently. She’s had six years with no father figure at all. I don’t want to overwhelm her.’

She looked steadily at Jim, who she noticed now looked far happier than he had moments before.

‘You think she sees me as a father figure?’ he asked her, nervously, as if hardly daring to voice such a concept.

‘ _I_ think she does,’ Jenna said, smiling at him in encouragement, ‘But I think that’s a conversation you need to have with her.’

Jim nodded briskly, a little crease of worry appearing between his eyebrows.

‘Maybe if we start with weekends. You can carry on picking her up from school, of course. If you can,’ Jenna went on, her mind a lot clearer now that she’d been awake for a few minutes, and that the topic of conversation had turned to her daughter.

‘Sure. I’d love to,’ Jim said, his lips twitching into a nervous smile.

‘So, does that sound like a plan?’ Jenna asked, settling her hand on his shoulder again.

‘I think so,’ Jim said, with a decidedly uncertain certainty.

‘As we know, things are always going to be complicated with you and me,’ Jenna mumbled.

‘Oh, for sure,’ Jim laughed.

Jenna snuggled under his chin once more, throwing an arm over his waist and letting herself be enveloped by his warmth. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close. After a few moments like that, they pulled away slightly and shared a kiss.

‘Jim,’ Jenna whispered, almost shyly, as she pulled away from his lips, ‘I wanted to tell you something.’

‘Shoot.’

‘I’m in love with you too.’

He blinked, surprised, before his face lit up with the widest grin she’d ever seen.

‘You mean it?'

He looked so overjoyed that she couldn’t even bring herself to be sarcastic.

‘Yes,’ she whispered, her eyes shining. She kissed him again, sighing against his lips and bringing her hand to the nape of his neck. His arms wrapped more tightly around her, his lips travelling to her neck and down to her collar bone. She didn’t want to stop him, but she did, with a gentle yet firm hand placed on his chest.

‘I should probably get back to my daughter. She’ll wake up soon and come looking for me,’ she mumbled, ‘And I don’t even know how I’d explain to her why I’m naked in your bed.’

Jim spluttered at her bluntness, releasing her from his arms and watching as she clambered out of bed. She located her pyjamas and pulled them on, noticing that the buttons were a little tighter to fasten than they were. She ran a hand down her stomach, placing the other on her lower back, then turned back to him.

‘So,’ Jim began, swallowing, ‘We’ve got some plans to make?’

‘I think we do,’ Jenna replied, quietly.

She threw him one last nervous smile and turned to let herself out of his bedroom, then padded along the corridor to the guest room. When she pushed open the door, she was relieved to see that Lulu was still asleep. She peeled back the covers, then clambered in next to her. Then, wrapping an arm around her daughter’s middle, she let her eyes flicker closed, watching warm scenes of them all together as a little group play out behind her eyelids.

She saw Jim and herself walking Lulu to school in the mornings, swinging her up into the air and laughing as she squealed. She saw cosy nights in together, watching movies with plates of leftover pie from the diner. She’d sit with her legs in Jim’s lap, and Lulu spread out on the floor in front of them with her colouring book. She allowed herself to think further ahead, when the baby arrived in just a few short months. She could see warm summer days in the park, with the baby in their stroller and Lulu trotting alongside it with a hand wrapped protectively over the edge. She pictured Jim with the baby, with _their_ baby, imagining how gentle he’d be with them, how proud and protective and fatherly. She had never really contemplated a traditional family life for herself, for she didn’t come from a particularly long line of happy families, but now she wanted it. She wanted it all so desperately. A warm feeling seemed to envelope her heart, before spreading to her fingertips and toes. She smiled, hummed quietly, and pulled her daughter closer.

* * *

It was decided, since the skies were clear and there was no threat of further snowfall, that the five of them would venture out into the woodlands surrounding the neighbourhood for a short walk. Relations between Jenna and Mary were far from warm, but at least more amicable than they had been. Jenna half-wondered whether she or James had heard anything of her previous night’s tryst with their son, but seeing as James seemed as friendly as ever, and Mary didn’t have the look of murder on her face, she assumed that they were in the clear.

Whilst walking through the woods, traipsing through the inches of crisp snow still left on the ground, the quintet fell into two groups. Lulu hung onto Jim’s hand as he walked with his father, and Jenna (to both of their dismays) ending up alongside Mary.

‘So, Mary,’ Jenna began cautiously, after several minutes of uncomfortable silence, ‘What was Jim like as a kid?’

Mary smiled tightly. ‘Much like he is now, really,’ she answered, keeping her eyes on her son as he walked in front of them.

‘Oh,’ Jenna responded. It wasn’t a particularly enlightening answer. ‘So, did he always want to be a doctor?’

‘Oh, yes,’ Mary said, ‘His father was a doctor too, and I think he wanted to follow in his footsteps. He used to dress up in James’ lab coat and pretend to examine us.’

‘Oh really?’ Jenna laughed, ‘That’s cute!’

Mary smiled, genuinely. ‘When he was nine, he asked for a stethoscope. A real one, mind. He wouldn’t be fobbed off with a plastic toy.’

Jenna chuckled. ‘Wow. When I was nine, I just wanted to be a mermaid.’

Mary laughed quietly, and Jenna felt a swell of relief that she actually appeared to be warming up to her a little.

‘So, you’ve always baked pies?’ Mary asked her, wrapping her woollen scarf more tightly around her neck.

‘I guess so, yeah,’ Jenna said with a nod, ‘My mama taught me everything she knew about baking.’

‘And what did your father do?’

It was a reasonable question, but still Jenna felt her stomach plummet. She shivered, not just on account of the chill winter air.

‘Not a whole lot, really,’ she said with a sigh, ‘He worked as a builder for a while. Then, um – he stopped doing that.’

It was the easiest way of saying he’d been given the sack on account of consistent aggressive behaviour and poor punctuality. To her credit, Mary didn’t press any further.

The two women walked in silence for a few moments, although it was less of an awkward silence than before. They watched as Jim swung Lulu up onto his shoulders, gripping onto her ankles and bringing more of a spring into his step. The six-year-old laughed, wrapping her arms around his chin and letting herself be bounced up and down.

‘I never really saw Jim as a father,’ Mary said after a while.

Jenna swallowed. ‘Oh?’

‘He and Francine always seemed so career-driven. They were always focused on the next promotion. At least – at least _she_ was.’

Mary’s mouth twisted and she suddenly looked nothing like the stony-faced, fierce woman Jenna had known her to be so far. She flicked her eyes to the floor and sighed.

‘They were friends from childhood,’ Mary continued, ‘They used to play together. They went to the same school. They just seemed a natural pair. And Francine was always so ambitious. There was never any question that she was going all the way.’

There was such pride in Mary’s voice when she spoke about Francine, it was almost as if she was her own daughter.

‘What about Lulu’s father?’ she asked suddenly, changing the subject so quickly that Jenna took a moment to process the question.

‘Um, he’s – he’s not in the picture,’ she said quickly, shoving her hands inside her pockets and looking down at her feet. ‘You know, Mary? I never saw myself as a mother either. Lulu – wasn’t planned.’

She snuck a glance at Mary out of the corner of her eye. The older woman was looking at her, openly, seemingly without retort. Jenna took a deep, steadying breath, struck by their conversation’s candid turn.

‘I mean, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me, but um – she didn’t come to me in the best of circumstances,’ Jenna felt her face heat and her stomach twist itself into knots, and pressed her lips together before she could say anything else. She looked over at Mary again, who was looking back at her with something approaching sympathy.

‘I think, when it comes to children, it matters that you’re with the right person,’ Mary said thoughtfully, looking again at her son as he lifted Lulu carefully down from his shoulders and took her hand in his own. James took the girl’s other hand, and the three of them walked in tandem, crunching through the snow and laughing.

Jenna didn’t have much time to ponder Mary’s implication behind that last statement, for Lulu had let go of Jim and James’ hands and was pelting towards her at alarming speeds.

‘Mama!’ she yelped, running straight into her mother’s arms.

‘Hi, baby! You alright?’ Jenna asked her, laughing.

‘Yeah, I just missed you,’ Lulu said, wrapping her arms fiercely around her mother’s middle and squeezing, before turning around and running back towards Jim.

Jenna grinned after her, and looked over to see Mary doing the same.

‘She’s lovely,’ Mary said.

‘She is,’ Jenna agreed, feeling her chest inflate.

‘So, when’s this child due?’ Mary asked, with a discreet glance at Jenna’s stomach.

Underneath her winter coat and thick jumper, to an outsider, Jenna didn’t really look pregnant at all. As had been the case with Lulu, she had only just started to show now that she was beyond the four-month mark.

‘About mid-June,’ Jenna answered cautiously.

‘Right,’ Mary said distantly, frowning and looking upwards, moving her lips wordlessly as she worked everything out in her head.

‘Mary, I know you think that Jim and I have jumped into this a bit quickly, but -’

‘I do,’ Mary said with pursed lips, and Jenna winced. ‘But,’ she continued with emphasis, ‘That’s irrelevant now. The important thing is that the child is looked after.’

Jenna nodded, looking down at her shoes once more.

‘And I don’t think there’s any question of that,’ Mary added finally.

Jenna looked at the older woman, taking in the closed expression on her face. It was an expression which said “Yes I _was_ just nice to you and I’d thank you to pretend you didn’t notice”. So Jenna smiled, looked down at her feet again and walked onwards quietly.

‘How does Lulu feel about the baby?’ Mary asked her after a few moments.

‘Oh, she’s real excited,’ Jenna replied.

‘That’s good,’ Mary said, ‘James and I always wanted another child, but – it wasn’t to be.’

‘I’m – I’m sorry,’ Jenna said, feeling a sudden twinge in her stomach.

Mary smiled thinly at her.

‘C’est la vie,’ she said breezily.

The quintet eventually arrived at the edge of the woods, where the trees thinned out into a large clearing. There was still a large blanket of snow spread over the ground, glistening in the weak winter sunlight. Lulu immediately tramped ahead in sheer delight, looking downwards as she sunk into the snow, which reached about three-quarters of the way up her small legs. Jim followed her, gripping her elbow in some attempt to hold her up, should the snow get any deeper. James turned to walk back to Mary and Jenna, his hands shoved into his coat pockets and his shoulders hunched against the bitter air.

‘That’s a lovely little girl you’ve got there, Jenna,’ he said warmly, ‘She’s very bright.’

Jenna nodded proudly. ‘God knows where she’s got her brains from, it sure ain’t from me,’ she said, chuckling.

On so short an acquaintance, Mary and James were clearly unsure whether Jenna was being truthful or (more accurately) being overly modest. They settled for a quiet chuckle and respective “Oh, I’m sure that’s not true”s. They trudged slowly through the snow together quietly. Jenna breathed in the crisp air and looked around at the crystal-tipped fir trees surrounding the clearing. It was like a scene from a chocolate box, and she smiled, shrugging her shoulders.

‘It’s really beautiful here,’ she said, more to herself than anyone else.

‘Yes,’ Mary and James agreed in unison.

‘Hey, would it be alright if I baked you guys a pie?’ Jenna asked suddenly, ‘I’ve got an idea for a real special one.’

‘Oh, certainly,’ James said with great enthusiasm, ‘That would be great.’

Mary nodded her agreement. Jenna smiled at them both warmly. _That’s the way, Jenna_ , she thought, _win them over with another pie_.

The trio watched as Jim and Lulu stood together, surveying the white lands around them. They were clearly chattering away about something. Lulu’s hands were moving animatedly, and Jim was looking down at her and smiling. Jenna had a hunch that they were discussing what herself and Jim had discussed earlier that morning, and felt a swell of nervous excitement in her chest.

After a while, they turned and began walking back to the rest of the group. Lulu had apparently been drained of all energy after wading thigh-deep through snow drifts, suddenly slumped over and walking like a pensioner. Jim quickly lifted her up onto one hip, wrapping his arms tightly underneath her and letting her hook hers around his neck. Jenna couldn’t help but notice how _natural_ it looked. How comfortable they were with each other. That same warm feeling that she’d felt earlier made its welcome return, and she grinned at her daughter as she was passed from Jim’s arms into her own.

‘You sleepy, little girl?’ she asked her daughter, hoisting her more securely onto her hip and kissing her forehead.

‘Snow’s hard work, Mama,’ Lulu whined, proving her point with a gigantic yawn.

‘Dear me, it’s not even lunchtime yet,’ Jenna chatted back, walking back towards home with the others, ‘How about you help me make a pie?’

As if by magic, Lulu perked up immediately and squeezed her arms tightly around Jenna’s neck.

‘Oh, _yes_!’ she squeaked.

‘Yeah? What shall we call it?’ Jenna asked her, grinning.

‘Snowy Snowflake Snowball pie,’ Lulu said, completely seriously. Jenna laughed loudly.

‘Good name. Alright, what’s gonna be in it?’ she asked.

‘Oreo cookie base,’ Lulu began, looking upwards in concentration, ‘Marshmallow fluff, swirled in with white chocolate ganache -’

She pronounced it like “gan-atch” and Jenna giggled.

‘Gan- _ash_ , sweetheart,’ she whispered, kissing her daughter’s cold cheek.

‘But Miss Green said that when you have a “c” and a “h” together, that’s a “ch” sound,’ Lulu protested.

‘Not always, darling,’ Jenna said, still laughing.

‘How am I meant to learn to read when they keep changing the rules?’ Lulu exclaimed emphatically, sticking her bottom lip out.

‘You’ll get there, baby,’ Jenna said, tutting sympathetically and holding her daughter closer, ‘Anyway, what else is in the pie?’

‘Glitter,’ Lulu said grandly, immediately cheering up again, ‘And mini-marshmallows, and – _wait_!’ she interrupted herself, slapping her mother’s shoulder for emphasis, ‘We could make little snowmen out of mini-marshmallows, couldn’t we, Mama?’

‘I should watch my back, little Lulu,’ Jenna said, feeling her heart swell with such pride that she was mildly concerned it might burst, ‘You’re having better ideas than me already.’

Lulu laughed, then requested to be put down. Jenna smiled after her as she scampered off to walk next to Jim again. Apparently, inventing a new pie had revived her completely. _Another way she’s exactly like you_ , she thought, _the poor kid_.


	30. Chapter 30

The rest of Jenna and Lulu’s excursion to Connecticut passed pleasantly. Mary continued to warm up to Jenna as time went on, even going so far as to entrust her with peeling potatoes for their final evening meal. Lulu read with Jim on the sofa in the living room, ploughing through a whole selection of books which she’d been allowed to borrow from Mary and James’ library, asking for Jim’s help with the trickier words.

On their final day, Jenna almost didn’t want to leave. She packed her suitcase carefully, tucking dirty laundry into a zip-up pocket on the inside lining. This trip had been the first time in a long time where she’d felt part of a family. It was a family which still seemed a little apprehensive about fully welcoming her in, but a family nonetheless. Earl’s parents had always been distant, preferring to adopt an evasion tactic when dealing with their son’s behaviour. If Jenna thought back far enough, she guessed she had some hazy memory of days out with her parents when she was little, and cosy evenings in front of the television. But they were quickly severed through by stronger memories of times where she’d crouched behind the kitchen counter with her hands over her ears and her eyes screwed shut, trying desperately to block out the muffled screaming from the next room.

Of course, everyone at the diner was family too, with all its little dysfunctions and quirks. At one point, they’d been all Jenna had had. Earl had never let her have much of a social life beyond going to work, and he’d made no secret of his begrudgery towards her even going to work at all. Becky had always been there to serve up many filthy looks in his direction whenever he ventured into the diner, and Dawn had always soothed her in her own anxious little way. Cal, for all his mumblings and grumblings, had always had her back, and of course, there’d been old Joe, who had probably been the closest thing she’d had to a father (apart from the one who was only tied to her biologically).

Jenna was pulled from her reverie by the presence of her daughter plonking herself down next to her on the carpet, having (almost completely successfully) stuffed her clothes into her small suitcase. There was the odd sleeve sticking out, and the case was bulging to such a degree that the clasps were barely holding it closed.

‘How have your clothes managed to _grow_ so much, Lulu? We got them all in nicely enough on the way here…’ Jenna mumbled, carefully opening the case and lifting out various tops and pairs of underwear. At the bottom of the case was the culprit: a small pile of books. Eyebrows raised, Jenna took them out and inspected them. They were old fairy-tales, worn down the spines with years of reading: _Cinderella_ , _Little Red Riding Hood_ , _Snow White_ , _Hansel and Gretel_ , _and Rapunzel_.

‘Where did these come from, little girl?’ Jenna asked, holding the books in one hand and gesturing to them firmly with the other.

‘Mary said I could have them!’ Lulu said, her voice high-pitched in outraged innocence.

‘Are you sure? They look like nice copies,’ Jenna said, putting the pile back down. She picked up _Cinderella_ and flicked through it, taking in the delicate illustrations alongside neatly-typed text.

‘ _Yes_ , Mama,’ Lulu said, gathering up the books again and placing them back in the case with a fierce determination. Jenna placed _Cinderella_ on top of them suspiciously.

‘Well, if you’re sure…’ she began, noticing how Lulu vigorously nodded her head and chuckling, ‘Let’s pack the rest of your things.’

They worked together, folding each top neatly and slotting them in. It was still a squeeze, but they managed to close the suitcase properly; Lulu lay across it while Jenna clicked the clasps shut.

Once they were both packed, they made their way downstairs and left their suitcases in the hall. The rest of the family were in the kitchen, finishing mugs of tea and slices of pie. Jenna and Lulu walked through to them, hand in hand.

‘Hey,’ Jim greeted, turning around in his seat at the dinner table to look at them, ‘You ready to go?’

The mother and daughter nodded.

‘Thank you so much for having us, Mary and James,’ Jenna said, giving Lulu’s hand a quick squeeze, ‘It was lovely to meet you both.’

‘Lovely to meet you too,’ James replied, standing up from his chair to walk over and shake Jenna’s hand.

‘And thank you for the books,’ Jenna said to Mary, who was stood at the sink washing up.

‘That’s quite alright,’ the woman replied, tossing the dish cloth onto a nearby work surface and walking over to them, ‘They never get read any more and they’ll only sit there gathering dust.’

Jenna squeezed Lulu’s hand again. ‘Thank you, Mary,’ the girl said obediently.

‘Right,’ Jim said, downing the dregs of his mug of tea and getting to his feet, ‘If you’re sure you’ve got everything, we’d better go.’

Jenna nodded, and the trio walked down the hall to the front door. Jim picked up their suitcases along the way and followed Jenna and Lulu as they walked out of the house and down the driveway.

As Jim was putting their suitcases in the trunk of his car, Jenna scanned her eyes over the neighbourhood one last time. She took in the grand houses all set back from the road by wide driveways, lined with potted plants and immaculately pruned hedges. She still felt utterly out-of-place in such a grandiose setting, but she simultaneously somewhat felt at home.

She noticed a woman strolling down the sidewalk across the road from them, dressed in scrubs yet still managing to look glamorous. It was Francine, and Jenna resisted the urge to dive into the nearest meticulously-manicured shrub.

‘Um, Jim…’ she murmured, her eyes wide.

Jim peered over to where Jenna was looking and shrugged.

‘Don’t worry, she’s moved on too,’ he said airily.

Jenna nodded, feeling a nervous tangling in the pit of her tummy. She didn’t want to, but she kept watching Francine as she kept walking, turning into the house opposite Mary and James'.

‘She lives opposite you?’ she asked shakily.

‘Oh, no, that’s where her parents live,’ he explained, ‘I guess she’s visiting. She doesn’t live too far from here though.’

‘Okay,’ Jenna said, opening the front passenger door and lowering herself into the car before Francine happened to look over and see her. Jim helped Lulu into the back seat, then climbed into the driver seat.

‘Okay, off we go,’ he said brightly, turning the key in the ignition and pulling away.

‘So, Francine’s moved on?’ Jenna asked after a few minutes of silence, willing her voice to stay steady.

‘Yep,’ Jim said with a nod, ‘I’ve not met the guy, but _she_ met him not long after we’d separated.’

‘Oh,’ Jenna whispered, ‘She’s really moved on then.’

‘Yep,’ Jim said again, smiling over at her.

Jenna felt somewhat relieved. The guilty feeling which had been stewing at the back of her brain for the last four months, that her and Jim had jumped in far too quickly after his divorce – well, technically, before it – suddenly dissipated.

‘Does Mary know?’ she asked, her lip curling.

Jim laughed. ‘She’s in denial. Francine can do no wrong in her eyes.’

Jenna nodded, frowning.

‘I think she’s finally accepted it now though,’ Jim said reassuringly, glancing in his rear-view mirror as he pulled onto the highway, ‘It’s pretty clear now that we aren’t getting back together.’

‘I guess it is,’ Jenna agreed, twisting her fingers together in her lap, ‘She doesn’t seem to hate my guts as much as she did though.’

‘I knew once she got to know you that she’d like you,’ Jim said, reaching over to give her tangled hands a squeeze, ‘I’m sorry she was so stony to begin with though. Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, we had a good chat on that walk, actually,’ Jenna said, smiling, ‘She thinks the world of you, you know. I think she just wants what’s best for you. I get that.’

Jim nodded. ‘I think she’s slowly coming around to the idea that’s what’s best for me is you,’ he said with a dopey grin. Jenna rolled her eyes and giggled.

‘Hey, speaking of that walk, what were you and Lulu talking about?’

Jim pressed his lips together in recollection, ‘Oh!’ he said after a moment or two, ‘Which Disney princess is the best, I think.’

Jenna deflated a little. ‘Oh, I see,’ she said, ‘And which _is_ the best?’

‘Mulan!’ Lulu piped up from the back seat.

‘And why’s that, little Lulu?’ Jenna asked, turning around in her seat and grinning at her.

‘She fights bad people,’ Lulu said darkly.

Jenna chuckled.

‘Do you agree?’ she asked Jim in amusement.

‘Well, I would go with Snow White, personally,’ he said.

‘Really? Why’s that?’ Jenna asked.

‘Well, she’s nice and she sings to animals and stuff,’ Jim said sheepishly, ‘Your daughter doesn’t seem as impressed by that.’

‘She takes an apple from the evil stepmother, Jim,’ Lulu said in exasperation, ‘That’s _silly_.’

‘Ah, but she didn’t _know_ it was the evil stepmother, Lulu,’ Jim replied, looking at the girl in the rear-view mirror, ‘She tricked her.’

‘ _I_ would have known it was her,’ Lulu muttered, folding her arms.

Jenna and Jim exchanged amused looks.

‘So, which Disney princess do _you_ think is the best, Jenna?’ Jim asked her, changing lanes to turn off towards the airport.

Jenna twisted her mouth thoughtfully. ‘Cinderella,’ she said, ‘She has a hard life but she just gets on with it and doesn’t let it make her a hard person. And it turns out well for her in the end. I always liked that.’

Jim nodded in agreement, holding Jenna’s gaze for a few moments.

‘Jim, eyes on the road,’ Jenna said, laughing.

‘Sorry Cinderella,’ he whispered, turning to look out the windscreen and grinning.

* * *

Jenna and Lulu landed safely in Kentucky, taking a few moments to re-adjust to their change in surroundings. They collected their luggage, then walked through customs towards the exit. The sky outside was darkening with the onset of evening, and a few flecks of snow were floating down from heavy clouds. Jenna crouched down to retrieve their coats from their suitcases. She helped Lulu into hers, zipping it up for her, then pulled on her own. Then, hand in hand, they walked out to the parking lot where Becky was waiting.

‘Hey, girls!’ Becky greeted loudly as they clambered into her car, ‘How was your trip?’

‘Good!’ Lulu said happily, ‘Mary and James’ house is _so_ big. And I got _books_.’

‘Wow,’ Becky said, laughing as she reversed out of the bay and turned to leave the parking lot, ‘Mary and James are Jim’s parents right? What are they like?’

‘They’re nice,’ Lulu said, ‘They’re fancy.’

Becky giggled, glancing over at Jenna, who was smiling nervously and looking out the window.

‘ _Are_ they nice and fancy?’ she asked her.

‘Yeah, I guess,’ Jenna said slowly, knowing that Becky would see straight through it. ‘We had a bit of a bumpy start, but they seemed to warm up to me. They loved Lulu,’ she said, turning around in her seat and grinning at her daughter.

‘Of _course_ they loved Lulu,’ Becky said empathetically, looking at the child in the rear-view mirror, ‘She’s the best.’

Lulu nodded in agreement.

‘You’re sure they’re alright though?’ she said quietly to Jenna, taking one hand off the wheel to wrap it around hers.

‘Yeah, yeah. They’re fine,’ Jenna murmured.

‘I’ve known you a long time, girl,’ Becky muttered, ‘I can tell when you’re lying.’

‘I’ll tell you later,’ Jenna said, sighing in defeat.

Becky nodded, seeming satisfied, returning her hand to the steering wheel and stepping on the gas as they reached the highway.

* * *

Once Lulu was tucked up in bed, Becky and Jenna sat with mugs of peppermint tea in the front room. They’d watched television for a while, but having found nothing to really pique their interest for very long, they opted to switch it off and talk instead.

‘So, are they awful?’ Becky asked bluntly, sipping her tea.

Jenna blinked at her. ‘No, no they’re not awful. They were just… a tad cold, is all. Particularly Mary. She seems to like me a bit better now though,’ she mumbled.

She looked over at Becky and knew that she demanded more detail without her even having to ask.

‘They both loved Francine and I think they initially saw me as a bit of a step _down_ from her,’ Jenna began, gripping her mug and chewing her bottom lip.

‘Well they’re idiots,’ Becky said simply, sniffing.

Jenna winced. ‘Look at it from their point-of-view, though, Becky – I mean – Francine was ambitious and clever -’

‘So are you!’

‘Well. Maybe,’ Jenna said, exhaling sharply through her nose, ‘But they saw me as some nobody from an old town with no qualifications… Not exactly the perfect match.’

‘Jenna, stop it,’ Becky said firmly, ‘You’ve got to stop being so down on yourself.’

‘I prefer to think of it as being realistic,’ Jenna said defensively.

Becky shook her head. ‘What it all comes down to is what Jim thinks,’ she said, ‘And I’ve not had much to do with him but I do know he _worships_ you, Jenna.’

Jenna couldn’t help her smile.

‘So, after that, what made them see sense?’ Becky prompted, taking another sip of tea.

Jenna chuckled. ‘Hard to say really. I think Lulu helped. And Jim was so supportive.’

‘Good, otherwise I’d have to kick his ass,’ Becky said darkly, and Jenna laughed loudly.

‘So how’s everything at the diner?’ she asked.

‘Oh, fine,’ Becky said, ‘It’s a good job you’re back today though. We’re almost out of pies.’

‘But I made a tonne before Christmas and froze them all,’ Jenna whined.

‘Yeah, have you ever had one of your pies, Jenna? They’re so good we’ve been getting through about four a day. Nellie’s been good about baking other things to sell, but most people just come for the pie.’

Jenna puffed her cheeks out. She’d been hoping to take a day or so to get settled back in, but now it looked like she’d have to spend most of tomorrow baking. She didn’t really mind, of course, but now she was almost halfway through her pregnancy, it all sounded so exhausting.

‘I best get some recipes planned, then,’ she murmured, finishing off her tea and sighing. She put the mug down on the coffee table in front of the sofa they were sat on, then leant backwards into the cushions. ‘And how’s everything with you? And Dawn?’ she asked.

‘Oh, Dawn’s doing okay. I don’t know what she’s feeding that baby boy but he’s got real chunky. He’s gorgeous though,’ Becky said, grinning.

‘And you?’ Jenna prompted.

‘I’m fine,’ Becky said, more quietly.

Jenna narrowed her eyes. ‘I have also known _you_ a long time and can tell when you’re not fine.’

Becky rolled her eyes, irritated that her own tactic had been used against her.

‘Well, to tell you the truth, Phil’s not doing so good,’ she said, pressing her lips together.

‘Oh, Becky, I’m sorry,’ Jenna said softly, reaching out to touch her friend’s arm.

Becky shrugged, shaking her head. ‘I mean, he’s not been doing so good for ages, but – um. The doctor reckons he might not see through this year.’

Jenna went cold.

‘Oh, Becky, I don’t know what to say,’ she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Becky threw her a shaky smile. ‘It’s okay. In a way, I feel like I lost him a long time ago, you know? That sounds awful, but -’

Her voice wobbled and she stopped herself.

Jenna felt her heart break as she looked at her friend who had been so strong for years, like the mother bear of the group (even if, ironically, she was the only one who wasn’t a mother), shrink inside her clothes.

‘Just gotta make the most of the time he’s got left,’ she said bravely.

Jenna nodded, leaning over and wrapping Becky in a fierce hug.

‘Love you,’ she whispered into her shoulder.

‘Love you too, girl.’

* * *

Jenna sat in bed, scribbling recipes for potential pies in her notebook. Her phone started ringing, and after mentally cursing whoever was calling her at this hour (after midnight), she looked over to identify the culprit. Her heart leapt a little when she saw it was Jim. All annoyances forgotten, she accepted the call and held the phone to her ear.

‘Jim Pomatter, do you know what time it is?’ she said by way of a greeting, her voice soft.

‘Sorry, I missed you,’ Jim said, chuckling.

‘You’re so _needy_ ,’ Jenna said with feigned distress, leaning back against her pillows and cradling her stomach with one arm.

‘Wow, treatment like that and I _still_ love you. Am I gentleman or an idiot?’

‘Both.’

They laughed, before Jenna quickly clamped a hand over her mouth.

‘Lulu’s sleeping, I need to be quiet,’ she whispered, ‘So, when are you coming back?’

‘I’m driving back on Sunday,’ Jim answered.

‘Jim, why don’t you just fly?’ Jenna asked, perplexed.

‘If I flew, I wouldn’t have my car,’ Jim answered defensively.

‘Well, yeah, but why didn’t you just fly in the first place?’

‘Jenna,’ Jim sighed, ‘There’s something I never told you.’

‘What?’

‘Promise not to laugh.’

‘Okay…’

‘I’m scared of flying.’

Jenna immediately laughed, before clamping her hand over her mouth again.

‘Great job on not laughing,’ Jim muttered.

‘Sorry,’ Jenna whispered, ‘I just didn’t expect it.’

‘So, I’ll be _driving_ back on Sunday. I expect pie when I arrive,’ Jim continued. Jenna could hear the grin in his voice.

‘Certainly,’ Jenna replied, biting her lip, ‘I’ll bake you a real special one.’

‘Which one?’ Jim asked, his voice high-pitched and excited. Jenna felt herself tingle.

‘Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps -’ she coughed delicately, ‘One involving fruit. Pineapples, perhaps.’

‘Oh,’ Jim said in response, and then he caught on, ‘ _Oh_.’

‘I’ll see you on Sunday, Jim,’ said Jenna brightly, glossing smoothly over the euphemism she’d just made.

‘I can’t wait,’ Jim murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I just wanted to leave a little note to say thank you so much for the response this fic has had (over 2000 hits which is like... 2000 more than I ever expected). I really appreciate all the lovely comments. I also wanted to give a little heads-up that this story is going to be coming to an end soon. I've got lots of other fun stuff planned though, so I hope you'll stick around! Lots of love xx


	31. Chapter 31

Sunday evening arrived, and Jenna spent most it in the kitchen. A thin coating of flour was dusted across seemingly every surface, and there was warm scent of baked pastry hanging in the air. Jenna cut up slices of pineapple neatly, her tongue poking out one corner of her mouth in concentration. Lulu was settled in the living room, quietly colouring. They’d had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, the washing up for which was still sat expectantly in the sink. Jenna was so keen to get started on the pie that she’d abandoned it.

She’d managed to regain the reigns of the diner since coming back. The customers came thick and fast, with such regularity it was like they were on a carousel, and whilst Jenna was swept off her feet she was also glad to be back. She’d missed her regulars, and the general hustle and bustle of the diner. She’d also missed baking pies.

Now, she was humming a quiet tune as she beat together a smooth batter for the pie filling. She glanced at the clock on the wall. Quarter past eight. She had forty-five minutes.

Retrieving the pastry case from the oven, Jenna left it to cool for a little before adding the filling, and padded through to check on her daughter.

‘Hey, Lulu!’ she greeted brightly, smiling at the six-year-old as she found her spread out on her tummy with her colours. The child’s tongue was also sticking out, and Jenna grinned when she noticed it.

‘Hey, Mama,’ Lulu said, putting down one crayon to pick up another.

‘It’s getting pretty late, little girl, bed time soon,’ Jenna whispered, crouching down next to the girl to look at what masterpiece she was working on. It was another drawing of what she assumed was the three of them: herself, Lulu, and Jim. They were all stood in a line between two lime-green trees, with fat butterflies swooping over their heads.

‘But I wanted to say hello to Jim,’ Lulu protested.

‘Well,’ Jenna sighed, ‘Alright. Once he arrives, you can say hello, and then it’s straight to bed. Deal?’

‘Deal.’

‘Good girl,’ Jenna said, leaning over to plant a kiss on the girl’s head.

She left her to her colouring, then walked back through to the kitchen. Giving the batter a final stir, she poured it into the pastry case, watching it as it spread in satisfying ripples. Then, she laid out each slice of pineapple on the top, slotting them in so they sat in an even pattern. Her lips twitched into a nervous smile. Her mind flashed back to the last time she’d made this pie for him, how she’d lain back on that examination table and watched him sink between her spread legs. She shivered and slid the pie into the oven, brushing her dusty hands on her apron.

Once she’d whizzed through the washing up and put everything away, Jenna padded back through to the living room to join her daughter. She sat on the sofa, tucking her feet up underneath her, and clasped both hands around her belly. The baby was particularly active today, and Jenna soothingly rubbed her hands over her stomach whenever she felt a tiny kick. It wouldn’t be long until she was halfway through, and that thought both excited and terrified her.

She still had so much to sort out.

Dawn was thinking of coming back to the diner on a part-time basis in a few weeks. Nellie was asking to increase her shifts; she was intending to start college in the fall and needed the extra money. Becky, contrarily, was thinking of dropping a few shifts to spend more time with Phil. Jenna would obviously have to go on maternity leave, leaving her thinly-spread staff even more thinly-spread.

And, of course, there was the not-insignificant matter of Jim moving in with her.

She watched Lulu as she finished her drawing, blowing away crayon-dust and lifting it up to inspect it.

‘So, who’s that a drawing of, Lulu?’ Jenna asked.

Lulu scampered over and leapt onto the sofa next to her mother, tucking herself into her side and placing the drawing in her lap. She pointed to each figure in turn.

‘That’s you, that’s Jim, and that’s me,’ she said proudly.

‘How lovely,’ Jenna said, looking at each figure in turn. Then she noticed something which made her heart swell. ‘Hey, we’re all holding hands.’

Lulu nodded.

Jenna bit her lip, tapping her index finger against the paper nervously. ‘Why are we all holding hands?’

She hoped the question didn’t sound too awkward.

Lulu shrugged.

‘I just thought it’d be nice if we all held hands, like, um…’

‘Like what, sweetheart?’ Jenna prompted, wrapped an arm around her daughter’s shoulders.

‘Like a – a family?’ Lulu finished in a small voice, looking determinedly at her feet where they dangled over the edge of the sofa.

Jenna smiled and pulled her daughter closer, looking at the drawing again and feeling her eyes prickle.

‘Lulu, do you want us to be a family? You, me, Jim, and – and the baby?’

She looked down at her daughter and noticed her give a tiny, nervous nod of her head.

‘Are you sure, Lulu? It’s important that you’re completely honest, okay?’

‘I’m sure,’ the child said, her mouth quirking upwards into a grin.

Jenna let out the breath she’d been holding and felt warm tears swell in the corners of her eyes. She wrapped both arms around her daughter and kissed her shoulder. As if they’d been listening in, the baby kicked her, and she gasped.

‘Mama, why are you crying?’ Lulu asked, pulling away from her mother and looking at her as if she’d grown a second head.

‘I just,’ Jenna sniffed indelicately, ‘I want us to be a family too, my darling. I was hoping you felt the same.’

Lulu nodded, bewildered. Jenna laughed and hugged her fiercely.

‘I love you, little girl, you know that?’

‘I know, Mama,’ Lulu mumbled into her mother’s shoulder, ‘You tell me _all_ the time.’

Jenna laughed again.

The feeling of relief was immense, weighing down on her like a warm blanket. She hadn’t dared hope that Lulu would want what she wanted, a family life with Jim. It was so completely new from the life they’d made for themselves, and that was both a wonderful and petrifying concept.

‘Hey, Lulu,’ she said after a few minutes, ‘I think Jim should know this.’

‘Mm,’ Lulu agreed shyly.

‘He’ll be here soon. Do you wanna talk to him?’

The girl twisted her mouth nervously.

‘I don’t know how to tell him,’ she admitted, ‘Can you help?’

Jenna nearly started crying again.

‘Of course, baby,’ she whispered, ‘What do you want to tell him?’

‘I want to tell him…’ the girl faltered, a small crease appearing between her eyebrows, ‘I want to tell him that – that I want him to be in our family.’

‘Okay,’ Jenna said.

‘That doesn’t sound right,’ Lulu said, pouting.

‘Well… how about you show him the drawing? That might help you say it better.’

They both looked down at the drawing where it still lay in Jenna’s lap. Lulu suddenly grabbed it, apparently seized with inspiration.

‘Wait, I have to add something,’ she announced, leaping off the sofa and scrambling over to where her colours were still scattered across the floor. She found a bright red one, and with a trembling hand, she started writing across the top of the drawing.

Torn between wanting to leave her to it and wanting to know what she was writing, Jenna eventually gave into the latter part and joined her daughter on the carpet. She peered over the girl’s shoulder, and when she saw what she’d written, she felt a new wave of nears itch at the back of her eye sockets. In bright, red crayon, in capital letters, Lulu had written: _My Family_. She captioned each figure with their name, and then immediately grabbed a different crayon and began drawing on the Jenna-figure.

‘What are you doing, sweetheart?’ Jenna asked, her voice quivering as she tried desperately to keep it together. The girl was leaning so closely to the paper that Jenna couldn’t quite see what she was adding, but she appeared to be focusing on the figure’s stomach.

‘I’m adding the baby,’ Lulu said, as if that were obvious, ‘They’re in our family too, Mama.’

‘Oh, of course they are,’ Jenna laughed, absently running her hand over her stomach and grinning when she felt a kick.

‘All finished,’ Lulu announced, sitting back on her heels and surveying her work. She turned to look at her mother, an anxious expression flickering over her face. ‘Do you think he’ll like it?’ she asked.

‘He’ll love it,’ Jenna whispered, planting a wet kiss on her daughter’s forehead and giggling as she immediately wiped it away, grimacing.

Right on cue, there was a knock at the door. The mother and daughter exchanged delighted looks, then quickly scooped all the crayons back into their designated basket. Lulu grabbed the drawing, laid it carefully on the coffee table, and walked with her mother into the hallway.

Before opening the door, Jenna quickly swept her hands over her face and took a couple of deep breaths. She thought it best not to greet Jim with a tear-stained face. He’d only get anxious. When a tentative knock came again, she flinched, then finally opened the door.

‘Hi, Jim,’ she and Lulu chorused, both grinning a little too widely.

Jim immediately frowned, letting the bouquet he was carrying in his arms drop a little.

‘You both look _way_ too happy to see me,’ he said suspiciously.

The mother and daughter laughed and stepped back, letting Jim walk into the house.

‘Something smells delicious, by the way,’ Jim said, sniffing the air appreciatively, ‘What’s baking?’

‘A special pie,’ Jenna told him. The devilish glint in her eyes did not go unnoticed by Jim, who blinked back at her. He actually blushed a little, but quickly busied himself with remembering he was holding a bouquet of flowers in his arms and clutching them firmly against his chest.

‘Here, I got you these,’ Jim said, thrusting the flowers into Jenna’s arms, ‘I know you like roses. At least, I – I hope you like roses. Oh God, do you like roses?’

‘Jim,’ Jenna interrupted softly, ‘I love them. If I had to pick a favourite, it’d be roses.’

Jim sagged in relief.

‘Oh, Lulu, I also got you something,’ he said, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a small envelope, ‘This is a book voucher.’

‘Huh?’ Lulu questioned, peering at the envelope.

‘A book voucher,’ Jim said again, smiling at the child’s confused expression.

‘What’s a book voucher?’ the girl asked.

‘Well, you can take this into any book shop, and you can buy books with it,’ Jim explained, crouching down so he was on Lulu’s eye level.

‘Any book I want?’ Lulu breathed, her eyes growing wide.

‘Any _books_ you want,’ he corrected, grinning.

‘You mean I could buy as many as I want?’ Lulu cried, grabbing the voucher from Jim’s hands and gazing at it in wonder.

‘Well,’ Jim faltered, ‘You have to make sure that they don’t add up to more than what’s on the voucher.’

Lulu nodded, frowning.

‘So, how much can I spend?’ she asked.

‘Twenty dollars,’ Jim told her.

Lulu gasped, looking euphoric, ‘Twenty dollars! Twenty dollars, Mama, I’m _rich_!’

Lulu ran to where her rucksack hung on a row of hooks along the wall. She opened it and popped the voucher safely inside, zipped it back up, then ran back over to Jim and her mother. Jim had barely stood up before he was nearly knocked over again by the six-year-old wrapping both arms fiercely around his upper thighs.

‘Thank you!’ she shouted.

‘You’re welcome, Lulu,’ Jim said, smiling.

Jenna was sure her heart would burst out of her chest.

‘Do you want tea? Coffee?’ she asked, beginning to make her way to the kitchen.

‘Oh, tea would be amazing,’ Jim said, awkwardly bent over whilst Lulu was still latched onto him, ‘I’m just gonna grab my bag from the car.’

Jenna nodded, tilting her head to look at her daughter.

‘Lulu, Jim’s gonna need his legs back,’ she whispered, chuckling.

Reluctantly, Lulu let Jim go and watched after him as he walked back to his car and retrieved his bag. He slammed the door shut and locked the vehicle with a “beep-beep”, then strolled back to the house with a wide grin plastered across his face. He stepped back into the house, and Lulu immediately grabbed him by the hand and led him into the living room.

Jenna hovered in the hallway, torn between making tea like she’d offered, and joining Jim and her daughter. Then, she remembered that she was holding a large bouquet of roses, and quickly carried them through to the kitchen. She found a vase from below the sink, filled it with water, then placed the roses carefully inside it. She set the vase down in the middle of the dinner table, smiled, then walked out of the kitchen.

She padded into the living room, folding her arms and walking over to where they’d sat together on the sofa.

‘I drew this,’ Lulu said, showing Jim the drawing proudly and pointing to each figure, ‘That’s you, and that’s Mama with the baby in her tummy, and that’s me.’

‘This is _amazing_ ,’ Jim said enthusiastically, ‘You’re such a good drawer, Lulu.’

The six-year-old grinned up at him.

‘And what does it say at the top, Lulu?’ Jenna prompted, biting her lip against a grin.

‘It says “My Family”,’ the girl said, tracing her finger underneath the writing.

Jenna flicked her eyes over to watch Jim’s reaction. She felt a warm tug in the pit of her stomach as his face creased into a huge, toothy grin.

‘Wow, thanks, Lulu,’ he said, taking the drawing from her hands and gazing down at it.

‘You’re welcome,’ Lulu said, shrugging and bouncing her legs happily.

‘So, tea?’ Jenna asked.

Jim turned to her, his eyes shining, ‘Yes please. Milky with one sugar.’

‘Okay. And Lulu,’ Jenna said, turning her attention to her daughter, ‘Remember what the deal was.’

‘Say hello and then straight to bed,’ Lulu recited glumly.

‘That’s my girl,’ Jenna said, ‘You can stay up for five more minutes while I make tea, okay?’

Lulu nodded, smiling again.

Jenna left them, walking briskly through to the kitchen. She retrieved the Pineapple Upside-Down Pie from the oven, shivering nervously as she carried it over to the cooling rack and left it there. Then, she walked over to the kettle and switched it on, finding two mugs and two tea bags, one normal and one peppermint.

Once the tea had been made, she clutched the two mugs in her hands and began to walk back through to the living room.

The pie could wait.

* * *

The time was approaching eleven. Lulu had long since been tucked up in bed, eventually falling asleep after chattering excitedly to her mother about all the books she was going to buy with her book voucher. Jenna had listened, gently stroking her daughter’s head in some attempt to calm her down. After a while, she’d finally lain down, snuggling under the covers and screwing her eyes shut.

‘I _love_ Jim, Mama,’ she’d murmured quietly.

Jenna had smiled at her warmly, pausing in the doorway to look round at her one more time before switching the light off.

‘I love him too, little girl,’ she’d said.

Jenna was now sat on the sofa, changed into her nightclothes, her legs across Jim’s lap and her back propped against several cushions. They hadn’t found anything to watch on television, so had decided to just sit in each other’s company for a while. Jim, wrapped in his bathrobe, was consulting his diary; he was due to start back at work the following day, and needed to refresh his memory of the appointments he’d booked in. Jenna had decided to reread _Cinderella_ , finding the copy of it that Mary had bestowed upon Lulu.

‘You wonder why the fairy godmother didn’t turn up a little sooner,’ she mused, turning the page over.

‘Mm?’

‘Cinderella’s forced to be a slave in her own home: nothing. Cinderella’s bullied by her stepmother and stepsisters: nothing. Cinderella needs a dress? Suddenly the fairy godmother’s here to solve everything,’ Jenna elaborated, smirking.

‘That’s… actually a good point,’ Jim said, looking away from his diary and staring directly ahead. He squinted slightly, apparently quite stricken by the concept.

‘Fairy tales are different when you’re a grown-up,’ Jenna said quietly, tracing her finger over the delicate illustration of Cinderella in her enchanted ballgown and glass slippers.

She glanced up and noticed Jim watching her steadily. She smiled at him shyly.

‘You want pie?’ she asked.

‘Always.’

Her shy grin turned into more of a smirk, and she delicately swung her legs off of Jim’s lap and moved towards the door. She didn’t need to look round to know that he was following her.

They walked through to the kitchen and Jim perched on the table while Jenna found two plates and a knife to cut the pie with. She sliced two pieces and carefully lifted them onto the plates. Then, she produced two forks from the draw, and carried everything over to the table.

She placed one slice of pie in front of Jim, who eyed it hungrily.

‘Looks delicious,’ he murmured, immediately picking up his fork and digging in.

Jenna sat down opposite him and started eating her own pie, letting her eyes travel over him as he ate. He finished the pie in a matter of minutes, letting his eyes flicker closed in satisfaction.

‘I feel like I’ve said this before, but what you do with food is unearthly,’ he breathed.

Jenna giggled, poking another mouthful of pie onto her fork.

‘So,’ she began, once she’d wrapped her lips around the final morsel of pie, ‘Time for bed?’

Jim nodded briskly.

‘I’ve got my first appointment at nine tomorrow, so need to be at the surgery for about eight-thirty,’ he said, getting to his feet.

‘Oh,’ Jenna replied, pouting teasingly, ‘I guess we’ll have to go _straight_ to sleep then.’

‘…I didn’t say that.’

They exchanged a quick, flirtatious look. Then, Jenna got to her feet and took Jim’s hand, switching the kitchen light off as they left the room. She led him up the stairs and to her bedroom, switching lights off as she went.

‘I’m just gonna use the bathroom,’ Jim said as they arrived in Jenna’s bedroom, ‘Won’t be a minute.’

Jenna nodded, letting go of his hand so he could go and do as he said. She clambered into bed and checked her phone for messages. In all of the excitement of the evening, she hadn’t looked at it since that morning.

Dawn wanted to meet up for coffee (de-caff, naturally). Becky was double-checking that she’d be able to take tomorrow off to look after Phil. Other than that, there was nothing to report. Jenna quickly tapped out a “sure, name the day and time” to Dawn, and a “of course, no problem” to Becky, then switched her phone off. She waited, fingers nervously tapping the covers where they lay across her stomach.

After what felt like hours but was probably about ten minutes, Jim re-emerged from the bathroom and walked back towards Jenna’s bedroom. When he reached it, he stood in the doorway for a while and just looked at her.

‘Are you gonna stand there all night, or…?’ Jenna asked him, biting her lip against a giggle.

‘Sorry, I just – I’m just so happy,’ he said, shrugging and smiling down at his feet.

Jenna felt warmth spread to her fingers and toes. She held out her hand to him.

‘Come here,’ she whispered.

He didn’t need to be told twice.

He took her hand and let her tug him gently towards her. Smiling up at him, she pulled the tie of his bathrobe loose, then let him shrug the garment off. He leant down, wrapping a hand around the back of her head, and kissed her softly.

‘Jim,’ she murmured, ‘We should close the door.’

‘Right you are,’ he agreed, turning to shut it as quietly as he could.

When he returned to her, Jenna leant back and peeled away the covers. She raised a provocative eyebrow. That was apparently all it took for Jim to clamber on top of her, sweeping her hair away from her face and pressing kisses along her cheek and jawbone.

‘I missed you,’ he whispered between kisses.

‘It’s been like two days,’ Jenna replied, her giggle turning into a surprised little moan as his kisses began to move lower, peppering along her collar bone and across the skin which wasn’t covered by her pyjama top.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Jim said, sliding her pyjama top upwards, freeing up the skin of her stomach for a new flurry of kisses, ‘I miss you whenever you’re not with me.’

Jenna bit her lip, reaching down to run a hand through his hair.

He reached her hips, and she turned her face away as he pulled her pyjama pants down her legs and dropped them to the floor.

‘Hey, don’t hide,’ he said softly.

She slowly turned her head to look back at him, and the smile he gave her was so encouraging, so loving, that she went gooey and practically melted into the mattress.

‘I’m going to be tired tomorrow,’ he admonished, gently hooking one of her legs over his shoulder and diverting his kisses to the silky skin of her inner thigh.

‘I don’t see why,’ Jenna retorted, ‘I think we’ll sleep _really_ well.’

‘Mm, I guess so,’ Jim mumbled in agreement.

He was getting closer, and Jenna brought the back of her hand to her open mouth and bit down slightly on the knuckle of her index finger.

She bit down harder when he was finally where she wanted him.


	32. Chapter 32

Several weeks passed, and Jenna and Jim slowly found themselves living together. The whole procedure consisted almost entirely of trial-and-error; it was decided that Lulu needed to get more used to the idea of Jim being in the house before he stayed for more than one day at a time. It wasn’t that she was averse to the idea of him being there, but more that the sheer excitement of it all made it difficult to get her to go to bed.

To begin with, Jim stayed for weekends. He collected Lulu from school and took her to the diner each day, providing his schedule allowed, and on Fridays he collected her and her mother from the diner and drove them all home. Once they’d settled into that routine, they trialled Jim coming home with them on Thursday evenings too. Then Wednesday evenings. And so it went on.

The three of them were sat down at dinner one particular evening, mid-week, chatting about their respective days at work and school, and Jenna and Jim exchanged warm glances as Lulu gave them the down-low on her math lesson. They’d become a family without them really noticing.

Truthfully, Jenna was taking a little longer to adjust to having a man in the house than she’d readily admit. For over six years, there had been just her and her daughter. She’d had no one else to answer to once she was home from the diner. She’d cook dinner for two (although, they ended up ordering take-out far more often than she’d care to admit) and the pair of them would watch television for a while, then bed-time. It was a nice, comfortable routine.

One evening, Jenna was chopping vegetables for a casserole, absently slicing through tomatoes and zucchinis. She was so lost in the activity that the sudden slamming sound from the hallway made her flinch violently and almost slice through a finger. She shivered, feeling her heart hammering against the roof of her mouth. An icy feeling crept over her skin and she bit her lip as she kept her eyes on the doorway which led out into the hall.

When Jim finally trudged through, rubbing a tired hand across the back of his neck, she almost collapsed with relief.

‘Hey,’ he greeted, apparently not noticing her frozen stature.

‘Hi,’ she whispered.

He looked at her properly then, and cocked his head.

‘You okay?’

‘You slammed… something,’ Jenna said quietly.

‘I guess I put my bag down a bit heavily, um – what’s wrong?’

‘It just – I guess it made me nervous.’

Jim squinted at her, lost.

Jenna shrunk inside her clothes and pressed a hand over her protruding belly.

‘Oh, of course, the baby, I -’

‘Not that,’ Jenna said, closing her eyes, ‘It just, reminded me of – him.’

Jim looked at her steadily, patiently, waiting for her to elaborate.

‘He used to slam things,’ Jenna murmured, returning her attention to the remaining vegetables.

She smiled wanly as Jim’s arms wrapped around her from behind. The comfort his embrace usually brought her didn’t quite arrive; she couldn’t quite allow herself to relax in his arms.

Pressing her lips together, she chopped through a carrot and willed her hands to stop shaking.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, firmly.

‘It’s alright. I guess there’s some stuff that’s still -’

Jim interrupted her by shushing her gently and kissing her cheek.

‘Um, Jim – could you just -’

She gently rolled her shoulders back against him, sighing as he took the hint and released her.

‘Right. Okay,’ he said softly, stepping away from her and heading back towards the doorway.

She looked up at him once more and smiled at him. It was an apologetic smile, one which – she hoped – would reassure him that this wasn’t about him.

‘Where’s Lulu?’ he asked her, returning her expression with a nervous upward twitch of his lips, his hand resting on the doorway.

‘Living room,’ she answered.

He nodded, then turned on his heel and walked away from her. She could hear the distant sound of Lulu screeching with delight as he joined her. Then, she shook her shoulders and took a deep, steadying breath.

‘Pull yourself together, girl,’ she muttered.

* * *

Jenna lay awake in bed that night, eyes boring into the ceiling and fists clenched into the quilt on either side of her. Jim lay next to her, turned towards the wall and snoring softly.

Sleep had evaded her for several reasons. She had felt prickly and uneasy all evening, a nervous sensation clawing at the back of her head. All because Jim had put his bag down a bit too heavily. She frowned and screwed her eyes shut.

She thought she might try turning over again; sleeping on her side was far more comfortable. Slowly, she began to tilt over towards Jim’s back. Before she could fully turn onto her side, however, the baby delivered a swift kick to her abdomen and she grumbled and turned back onto her back.

‘As long as _you’re_ comfortable, that’s all that matters,’ she muttered, giving her stomach a perfunctory pat.

She brought both her arms underneath the quilt and tugged it further up under her chin, shutting her eyes once more and exhaling heavily through her nose. After a while, she was floating pleasantly between consciousness and unconsciousness, but before sleep could fully take her into its elusive embrace, the sound of Lulu crying out for her pierced through the air like a foghorn.

‘Apparently _neither_ of my children want me to sleep tonight,’ she said with a sigh, levering herself out of bed and reaching for her bathrobe as she padded through to her daughter’s bedroom.

Lulu was sat bolt upright in bed, small shoulders shaking and her eyes wide and searching. Jenna ran to her side in an instant, perching on her bed and reaching for her. Her daughter collapsed into her arms, and she wrapped them tightly around her and rocked her. The girl’s hands clawed at her mother’s back, as if trying to make sure she was really there.

Jenna shushed her daughter as she wept miserably into her shoulder.

‘Bad dream?’ she asked.

‘M-Mama,’ Lulu squeaked in response.

‘It’s okay, baby, I’m here,’ Jenna whispered.

‘You were gone,’ Lulu stuttered, ‘I couldn’t find you.’

‘It was only a bad dream, baby girl,’ Jenna soothed, pulling the girl yet closer against her.

‘Mama, I wanna come sleep in your bed,’ Lulu requested, sniffing.

‘Honey, I don’t know if there’s room -’ Jenna began, pulling away from her daughter to look at her face. When she saw tears threatening in Lulu’s eyes and her trembling bottom lip, however, she hastily added – ‘Sure, alright. Come on then.’

Jenna stood up and held out her hand for Lulu to get out of bed and take it. She had neither the energy nor the strength to carry her. She glanced at the clock on Lulu’s wall and noted with a wince that it was gone three in the morning. She had to be up again in four hours.

The pair of them padded quietly back into Jenna’s bedroom. Jenna clambered back into bed, edging herself as close as she could to Jim’s side without squashing him (he, somehow, was still fast asleep). Lulu then tucked herself in against Jenna’s side, snuggling against her and placing a hand on top of her stomach.

‘You’re getting real big now, Mama,’ she observed sleepily.

‘Thank you, Lulu,’ Jenna said flatly, wrapping at arm around her daughter’s shoulders and pursing her lips.

The pair of them lay in silence for a few moments. Lulu’s breathing slowed, and Jenna assumed she’d fallen back asleep. She tried screwing her eyes shut once more, frowning with sheer concentration.

‘Sleep. Sleep. Sleep,’ she chanted quietly to herself.

The baby kicked her again.

‘Do _not_ ,’ Jenna muttered, pointing an accusatory finger at her stomach.

* * *

Jenna guessed she must have fallen asleep at some point, for the next time she opened her eyes it was because of the high-pitched screeching of her alarm clock on her nightstand. Jim had already gotten up, and Lulu was still next to her, flailing blearily at the sudden disturbance.

Reaching across her daughter, Jenna fumbled around in the semi-gloom until she picked up the obnoxious thing and switched it off. Afterwards, she brought her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead against them, groaning.

‘Are you okay, Mama?’ Lulu asked, her words punctuated with an enormous yawn.

‘I didn’t sleep very well, Lulu,’ Jenna mumbled into her knees.

‘Oh…’ Lulu replied, ‘You want coffee?’

‘I can’t have coffee, darling,’ Jenna said, ‘And you don’t know how to make it.’

Lulu sighed and shuffled up next to her mother.

‘But thank you for offering,’ Jenna added, lifting her head to press a kiss to her daughter’s cheek.

They sat together for a few moments, before the smell of burnt toast wafted through the air, accompanied by a loud groan of dismay.

‘Oh dear,’ Jenna began with a giggle, ‘I’ve gotta buy us a new toaster.’

The pair of them finally hauled themselves out of bed and went downstairs to see what attempt Jim had made at breakfast.

‘Jenna, I’m getting you a new toaster. This one _hates_ me,’ he said as soon as she and Lulu entered the kitchen.

‘Let’s just have cereal,’ Jenna suggested, giggling again and walking forward to take the smouldering slices of toast from Jim’s hands and toss them in the trash.

* * *

Work at the diner was busy, as always, and running on very little sleep made everything exponentially more difficult from Jenna’s point-of-view. She had dark shadows her eyes which, try as she might, refused to be completely concealed by makeup. Her back hurt after having to lie on it all night. Her stomach hurt because the baby was apparently having a football match with itself. Her feet hurt because she was on them all day. She felt, and probably looked, like shit.

‘You look like shit, girl,’ Becky told her around mid-afternoon, confirming her thoughts. The pair of them stood in the kitchen, ostensibly sorting out orders to take them through to the customers, but in reality: catching up.

‘I’m running on two hours’ sleep maximum here,’ Jenna defended, covering her mouth with a napkin to disguise a yawn.

‘Wow, the baby’s not even here yet and you’re already doing sleepless nights,’ Becky said, tutting.

‘It’s just – everything’s changing and I’m taking a while to adjust.’

‘I get that,’ Becky agreed thoughtfully, ‘But – are you sure it’s not all a bit too much too fast?’

‘Huh?’

‘Well -’ Becky paused, apparently working quite hard to string her words together before speaking them aloud, ‘You did freak out because he put his bag down a bit heavy.’

Jenna frowned at her.

‘That’s just – you _know_ why -’

‘Jenna, hold on. That’s the point -’

‘ _What_ point?’

‘You never – you never _talked_ to anyone about all that, did you?’

‘I talked to _you_ about it – and Dawn. And old Joe -’

‘Not us. I mean a -’

‘You mean like, a _shrink_?’

‘Well, yeah.’

‘Of course not. I had Lulu to take care of. And I could never have afforded it anyway.’

‘I get that,’ Becky said calmly, ‘But, Jenna honey, I think there’s so much stuff you’ve just buried down. You’ve never really dealt with it.’

Jenna frowned. In all her exhaustion, and with the weight of Becky’s – entirely correct – words coming down on her like a bag of cement, she crumpled against the kitchen shelves and started crying. Becky wrapped her up in her arms in an instant.

‘You’ve worked so hard taking care of everyone else, Jenna. It’s time you took care of you,’ she said gently, patting her back.

‘Hey, when you two have quite finished recreating Desperate Housewives, there’s a meticulously-made pile of blueberry pancakes here just _crying_ to be -’

‘Fuck off, Cal,’ Becky yelled over shoulder.

* * *

‘So, what, you and Jim _aren’t_ living together now?’

‘I don’t know, Dawn, I mean – it was working, you know? But Becky’s right. There’s a lot of stuff I’ve gotta deal with and I don’t want to drag Jim into it.’

‘How long till the baby’s here?’

‘Well, two months till the due date. But if they’re like their big sister, it could be half that.’

Jenna sat slumped on one end of the sofa in Dawn’s front room, and Dawn sat on the other. Kenny, now a strapping five-month-old, sat bouncing in his bouncer having the time of his life. Ogie was visiting his mother for the weekend, and wouldn’t be back until later that evening.

‘Oh, Jenna,’ Dawn said sympathetically, leaning forward to wrap a hand around one of Jenna’s.

‘Why is everything so complicated, Dawn?’ Jenna questioned miserably, giving her friend’s hand a squeeze.

‘It’s not, hon,’ Dawn argued gently, ‘You just need to be honest with Jim and give each other some space. Where is he today, anyway?’

‘With Lulu,’ Jenna answered, ‘They went to the library.’

Dawn nodded with a smile.

‘Lulu’s happy, then?’

‘Oh, she’s loving it,’ Jenna answered, smiling genuinely for the first time since she’d got there, ‘Jim’s been so wonderful with her. There’s no issues there. The only issue is with…’ she tailed off and jabbed a thumb towards her chest.

Dawn sighed.

‘It’s all gonna work out, okay?’ she said firmly, her eyes wide and earnest.

Jenna turned towards her with an amused look on her face.

‘This must be the first time you’ve been the one reassuring _me_ , rather than the other way around,’ she observed, shaking her head in disbelief.

Dawn laughed. ‘I guess so. Motherhood’s changed me,’ she said dramatically.

‘So you think I should… talk to someone?’ Jenna hedged, looking down at her feet.

‘I think it could help,’ Dawn said with a nod, ‘It helped me, with Kenny.’

Jenna nodded, smiling at her sympathetically, and the pair of them looked towards the baby boy, who grinned blithely back at them, bending his chubby legs and bouncing some more.

‘I’d better get going,’ Jenna said, ‘Jim and Lulu will be back home soon, and I – I think I’ve got some things to say.’

Dawn gave her shoulder a quick squeeze.

‘You want a quick cuddle before you go?’ she offered.

When Jenna looked quizzically back at her, she hastily added, ‘Of – of the baby. Not of me. I mean – if you _wanted_ to cuddle me, I – I guess -’

‘The baby,’ Jenna cut her off, laughing, ‘I’ll cuddle the baby.’

Dawn nodded and got up to go and fetch her son from his bouncer. He let out a short whimper of protest, but continued bending and stretching his legs in thin air as his mother carried him over to Jenna.

‘He’s super active today,’ Dawn explained as she placed her son in Jenna’s arms.

‘You wanna walk and see the world, don’t you?’ Jenna asked Kenny, holding him under his armpits as he stamped his fat little feet against her thighs and beamed toothily at her.

‘Oh, Jenna, I can’t _wait_ for your baby to arrive,’ Dawn cried, sitting down next to her and stroking an index finger along her son’s pink cheek.

Jenna lifted Kenny’s legs with one arm and sat him down properly on her lap; her thighs needed a rest. She hugged the child against her and planted a kiss on top of his dark hair.

‘By the way they keep kicking me, neither can they,’ she said dryly.

‘They? You don’t know what you’re having?’ Dawn asked with a tilt of her head.

‘Nope,’ Jenna replied with a smile, ‘We agreed we’d wait and see. After all, I didn’t know with Lulu and it feels right to not know this time either.’

‘You and I are very different people,’ Dawn replied, smiling and shaking her head.

* * *

Jenna sat up in bed that night, rummaging through the box she kept under her bed until she lifted out what she wanted: the Baby book. With a quick glance over at Jim to make sure he was asleep (which he was, the bastard) she reached for a pen from her nightstand and opened the book to the next clean page. There were still plenty of pages left, as – of course - the book hadn’t really had much use the first time around. Smoothing her hand over the crisp page, she clicked her pen and began to write.

_Dear Baby,_

_Well. Here we are, two months away from meeting you, and I’m writing to you for the first time. That’s even longer than it took for me to write to your big sister for the first time._

_I can’t wait for you to meet her, Baby. She’s the most unexpected, wonderful thing to happen to me. She just – made everything fall into place._

_You were also very unexpected. Your daddy and I knew each other, a long time ago, and – I guess we loved each other then. Yeah, I guess we did. We never talked about any of that though._

_You see, baby, that’s something I’ve never been very good at: talking about things. I tend to just bury things inside, or put them on a shelf. Or bake them into a pie. I guess making pies was my way of talking about things without actually having to talk about them._

_But, baby, there comes a time where you have to talk about things. You’re very lucky, you know? Because as soon as you come into this world, you’re gonna have a mama and daddy, and a big sister, who all love you and will listen to you. Not everyone has that._

_I’m gonna start talking to someone, baby. I’m writing it here as a promise to me. And I guess, as a promise to you. There’s things that I haven’t let out in so long, and I think need to get them out there before I can even think of being ready for you to arrive._

_I’ll see you soon, baby, when I’ve tidied things up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, SO sorry this update took so long. My only excuse is that I've struggled recently with how to continue this fic as I've honestly felt for the last few chapters that it hasn't really been going anywhere. But thank you so much for the reviews, and for your patience! I hope this rambly, unbeta'd update was worth your reading... 
> 
> P.S. I realise this was a kinda sad chapter but there'll definitely be a happy ending!!


	33. Chapter 33

Jenna was just a few months past her nineteenth birthday when she married Earl. They’d met in high school, when she’d been an insecure teenager with warring parents and he’d been a charmingly arrogant boy with a flair for song-writing. There’d been many a morning when she’d been collecting books from her locker, and he’d saunter up alongside her with his six-string slung around his neck, strumming a sequence of chords and singing whatever his latest creation was. She would blush furiously, quickly slam her locker shut, and stalk off to class.

It took a month of his serenading for her to agree to go out on a date with him.

There was a strength about him that Jenna found herself needing at that time in her life. Her mother was sick, getting worse by the day, and her father coped with it – well, he didn’t cope with it – by turning to the bottle. In the early days, Jenna had just needed someone; too young to find her own feet, and truthfully, too unaware of what a functioning relationship was supposed to look like.

When her mother eventually slipped away, Jenna was eighteen. It was as if someone had ripped her insides out. She didn’t sleep for a week. Her whole body ached with a gnawing, heavy emptiness that wouldn’t shift. She recognised her father more when he was drunk than when he was sober, and she preferred to spend more time out of the house than in it. Anything to stop hearing him slamming about.

The few friends she had at high school drifted away from her, not knowing what to say to her so deciding to say nothing. Her teachers were _overly_ nice, treading around her feelings as if they were shards of broken glass. The only person who paid her any attention, who treated her no differently, was Earl. In hindsight, Jenna saw his confidence and self-assuredness as sheer arrogance, like the world owed him something. But at that time, she was drowning, and she’d cling to anything, however unsavoury, to stay afloat.

Even if that thing eventually started tugging her downwards.

They entered something of a relationship after that. Earl wrote her songs, singing them to her in the evenings as she sat with her legs draped over his lap. There was one he always returned to, her favourite, a love song:

“Till the sun don’t shine, you will still be mine”.

Those were the words he sung to her. The more he sung them, the more power they gained. He would sing them in her ear as she cooked the dinner. When they lay in bed, and he held her tightly against him, he would whisper them into the crook of her neck.

It was because of him that she started baking pies again. It was the last thing she ever wanted to do after her mother died, but his gentle yet persistent coaxing eventually wore her down and she baked him his favourite, Spaghetti and Meatball pot pie. He’d munched through it in a matter of minutes, before kissing her fiercely and declaring that her pies were so good she could open her own shop.

She felt somewhat ashamed now of how easily he could bend her and twist her into doing exactly what he said. The first flash of his temper she’d been a witness to had sparked when she had got the dinner ready in the middle of a football game he was watching. She’d brought a slice of pie in on a tray, accompanied with a bottle of beer, and in the process of putting it on the coffee table in front of him she’d blocked his view and he’d missed a goal being scored. He’d sworn at her, reaching forward to bat her away with his hand. She’d apologised, feeling a clawing at the back of her neck, but before she could scurry away back to the relative safety of the kitchen he’d wrapped a hand around her wrist and gently tugged her towards the sofa. She slowly sat down next to him, but apparently not close enough, and he wrapped a muscular arm around her slumped shoulders and pulled her closer.

‘Watch the game with me, baby,’ he’d muttered.

She’d nodded, fixing her gaze on the screen obediently but finding herself unable to focus on what was playing out across it. Earl gulped his beer and gave occasional whoops as a goal was scored or the team took possession. Jenna relaxed a little, allowing herself to lean more into his side and rest her head against his chest. The moment of calm quickly dissipated, however, when his team started losing. He shoved her away and leaned forwards to put his beer on the table, resting both elbows on his knees and plonking his chin down on two tightly-clenched fists.

Jenna perched on the very edge of the sofa, gripping it with her hands. She looked at the screen so hard it felt like her eyeballs were popping out. _Please_ , she thought, _someone score_.

Eventually, things took a turn for the better and the game ended in a draw. Jenna flicked her eyes over to watch Earl’s reaction. He sniffed once, downed the rest of his beer and reached for the slice of pie.

‘At least we didn’t lose,’ he muttered, before shovelling a forkful of pie into his mouth.

Jenna nodded.

‘Hey, you okay baby? You look kinda tense.’

Jenna nodded again.

‘It’s – the game. It was pretty stressful, huh?’

‘Sure was.’

Jenna nodded again and went to stand up, but Earl wrapped a hand around her wrist before she could get to her feet. She looked at him, smiling as calmly as she could, and let him kiss her. The feeling of his lips against hers, in spite of herself, made her melt. When they broke away, he grinned at her and handed her the empty beer bottle.

‘Grab us another one. Get one for you too. We’re celebrating.’

She nodded, and did as he said.

Their relationship continued in much the same way until one otherwise ordinary evening when they’d been out to dinner. They were walking back home, arm in arm, until Earl asked her:

‘So, Jenna Nelson, how about marrying me?’

She’d blinked at him, convinced he was joking. But when she looked up into dark, unflinching, brown eyes, she knew he wasn’t. She felt a curious mix of emotions: ones of excitement, ones of fear, interspersed with ones of quiet confusion.

‘Um, okay.’

He rootled in his pocket and produced a small, leather pouch.

‘My grandma’s,’ he muttered, tipping out a simple silver ring into his hand.

He slipped the ring onto Jenna’s ring finger then brought her hand to his lips and kissed the knuckle. She found herself smiling, blinking away tears.

Neither of them had any money, so had to continue living with Earl’s parents. They both finished high school – Jenna doing rather better than Earl had – and set about finding jobs that would give them enough combined income to rent a home. Earl found employment as factory-worker, something which offered little in the way of creative release but much in the way of keeping him out of trouble. Jenna saw an advert in the window of the local diner, and – though she had no direct experience to speak of – went in for a trial. She’d baked a pie for the owner, a crotchety old man known only as Old Joe, and had immediately got the job.

Jenna had a little inheritance from her mother’s will put away, not enough to move mountains but enough for the deposit on a small house they’d found they both liked. Ideally, she wanted to lock the money away and forget about it, for it was too painful a reminder, but eventually Earl dragged her around to his point of view. She withdrew the money, and they put the deposit down. They lived frugally for the first few months, in order to gather enough money to pay the rent, and save up for the wedding.

They settled on a date in September. They were married in the registry office without ceremony, and any idea of a honeymoon was out of the question. Her father said only that she was making a mistake. She had ignored him at the time, too wrapped up in her new life to let his words reach her.

She almost wished she could go back in time now and tell him how right he was.

* * *

‘Alright, Jenna. I think we’ll leave it there for today.’

‘Oh. Okay.’

Jenna sat on the therapist’s couch with her hands clenching the cushions on either side of her. The hour-long session had simultaneously seemed both shorter and far, far longer. She had gone into the office with little idea of what to expect; she’d forced herself not to be cynical, nor to convince herself that this was all a waste of time and money.

The therapist, Sandra, was a middle-aged woman with a kindly face and that special type of calmness and directness which made Jenna want to tell her everything within five minutes of meeting her. Her voice was soft, and she listened to Jenna tell her the story of her relationship with Earl, only interrupting her to ask clarifying questions such as “and how did that make you feel?” and “why do you think you reacted that way?”.

It was the first time Jenna had let herself think about it. Not including the odd flashbacks she had had when something Lulu did or said reminded her of him, she hadn’t ever opened that box. Looking back now had hurt, but Jenna admitted that it was a refreshing sort of pain, like pulling out a splinter, or running a burnt finger under ice-cold water. She had thought that talking about it all again would make her feel heavy, shackled by the weight of it all. But she felt the opposite. She felt lighter, freer.

‘I think we’ve made some really good progress, Jenna. Do you think so?’

‘Um, yeah. I – I think so. Thanks for, you know, for listening to all of that.’

Sandra smiled at her. Jenna liked the way her eyes crinkled up behind her glasses; there was something immediately comforting about it.

‘Well, that’s what I’m here for, Jenna. To listen.’

Jenna nodded and returned her smile, heaving herself to her feet and picking up her satchel and coat. She glanced at her watch and puffed her cheeks out.

‘Time to get my daughter from school,’ she said, more to herself than anyone else.

‘Ah yes, Lulu,’ Sandra replied, taking a quick look at the notes she’d taken, ‘We didn’t quite get to her. Perhaps that’s something to chat about next time?’

‘Sure,’ Jenna agreed, nodding.

* * *

As she sat at the bus stop, Jenna ran two hands over her bump. The baby shifted slightly, and she smiled. She’d miss that feeling.

She reached into her bag and checked her phone for messages. It was three o’clock on a Friday, so there was a text from Jim saying he’d picked up Lulu from school and they were back at home. There was also a voicemail from the surgery reminding her of her scan the following week. Becky and Dawn had both texted her asking how the session had gone. Before she could reply to everything, her bus arrived and she dropped the phone back into her bag and climbed onboard.

When she walked through the door of her home, she was immediately greeted by Lulu thrusting a drawing at her.

‘Mama! Look what I drew!’

‘Baby girl, let me get in the house first,’ Jenna spluttered, gently ushering the girl backwards so she could get inside and close the door behind her. Then, she took the drawing from her daughter’s hands and looked at it properly.

‘Aw, who’s this?’ she asked, stroking a finger over the bright crayon.

‘It’s _you_ , Mama,’ Lulu replied, apparently exasperated that her drawing wasn’t immediately recognisable.

Jenna nodded, and looked quizzically at the drawing. It was a figure dressed in a red miniskirt and a blue, long-sleeved top. A red cape sat about her shoulders and her legs were sheathed in red boots which reached up over her knee. A large, angular S was emblazoned on her chest.

‘This is Superwoman, right?’ Jenna asked her daughter quietly.

‘Well, _yeah_ ,’ Lulu said, ‘Because _you’re_ Superwoman.’

Jenna laughed and looked again at the drawing. Then, she leant down to wrap an arm around her daughter and press a kiss to her cheek.

‘Thank you, baby girl,’ she whispered, ‘Hey, where’s Jim?’

‘In here,’ Jim called from the kitchen.

Lulu scampered back into the living room and Jenna walked through to join Jim. He was sat at the table, consulting his diary with a pair of glasses perched on the end of his nose. Jenna walked over to the fridge to stick up Lulu’s drawing with fridge magnets, then walked over to him to wrap her arms around his shoulders and kiss his cheek.

‘Hello,’ she greeted, leaning her chin on his shoulder and looking over at the pages of his diary.

‘Hey,’ he replied, turning his head slightly and smiling at her, ‘How was therapy?’

‘It was – good, actually. Yeah. Better than I thought it would be.’

‘Told you,’ he said, reaching up and placing a hand over hers where it rested on his shoulder.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jenna said suddenly.

‘Huh? What for?’

‘I just – I feel like I’ve messed you around,’ Jenna said, walking around to sit opposite him at the table, ‘Like, we’re living together but we’re not really living together and I just -’

‘Jenna,’ Jim interrupted, reaching across the table to hold her hand again, ‘Don’t apologise for that. I understand.’

Jenna nodded, giving Jim’s hand a squeeze. _What did I do to deserve him?_ she thought.

‘You’re frowning,’ Jim observed.

‘Why are you like this?’ Jenna blurted out, finally meeting his eyes.

‘Huh?’ Jim blinked at her, leaning back and taking his hand with him.

‘You’re so – _good_.’

‘Oh,’ Jim laughed, sagging in relief, ‘I thought you were going somewhere different with that.’

Jenna grinned at him.

‘Hey,’ she whispered, ‘We’ve got my next scan on Tuesday at 10 o’clock, can you still make it?’

Jim glanced down at his diary and Jenna watched as his face slowly formed a grin.

‘Yep, I’ve still got a free morning,’ he said with a nod.

‘Good,’ Jenna said.

‘Um, Jenna -’ Jim hedged, glancing downwards at the table.

‘Yes?’

‘I was wondering – I was wondering if – when I could maybe stay here… more often? Not, like, all the time, but… more days a week? Like before?’

Jenna winced and sat back in her seat. She’d been dreading the time when he’d ask her that question. Not because it was an unreasonable question, because it wasn’t, but rather that he would ask her and she’d be unable to answer.

‘I – I don’t know,’ she murmured.

‘Okay. It’s just – I just think now that there’s only a month left till the baby’s here. I just think it would be better if – if we were clearer on that.’

‘I said, I don’t know, Jim,’ Jenna repeated, hearing a biting edge creep into her voice, accompanied by a twinge of guilt.

‘Well, do you not think that Lulu would be happier if -’

‘Don’t,’ Jenna interrupted, her eyes flashing, ‘Don’t bring her into this.’

‘Sorry,’ Jim said, looking wounded, ‘I didn’t think -’

‘It’s – it’s fine,’ Jenna said with a dismissing wave of her hand. She brought that same hand up to her forehead and ran her index finger across it; there was an aching tension there, focused in the spot between her eyebrows. It wasn’t going away.

‘I – I think I’m gonna go for a walk,’ Jim mumbled, getting to his feet, ‘I need some air.’

He left the room and collected his coat from the hallway. Jenna didn’t watch him leave.

* * *

‘Are you okay, Mama?’

‘Yes, hon. Why do you ask?’

‘You’ve not said anything for hours.’

‘I don’t think it’s been _hours_ , sweetheart.’

‘Well, since the start of _Mulan_ you’ve said nothing. And we always sing along to Reflection.’

Jenna sighed. Lulu was sat next to her on the sofa, tucked into her side with a bowl of popcorn in her lap. Jim was still out; he’d sent Jenna a text to say he had some washing to do at the flat. Jenna had to hand it to him, it was a pretty believable excuse for avoiding her.

‘Where’s Jim?’ Lulu asked, before shovelling a fistful of popcorn into her mouth.

‘He’s got work to do – do _not_ eat like that, young lady,’ Jenna scolded, taking the bowl of popcorn away from her daughter and ignoring her muffled shout of protest.

‘How was your special talk?’ Lulu asked with her mouth full.

‘You can finish what you’re eating, and then you can speak to me,’ Jenna told her firmly, emphasising her words with a waggle of her index finger.

‘Fine,’ Lulu said, swallowing hard and asking again, ‘How was your special talk? With the lady?’

Jenna couldn’t help but smile at her daughter’s ability to make something as heavy as therapy sound so light and simple.

‘It was good, thank you,’ she answered, honestly.

‘Good,’ Lulu said, before snuggling back into her mother’s side and sighing happily, ‘You deserve to be happy, Mama.’

Jenna leaned over and kissed the top of her daughter’s head.

‘Thank you, baby girl. Are _you_ happy?’

‘I’d be happier if you stopped calling me baby all the time,’ the girl muttered, ‘I _am_ nearly six years and two-thirds old.’

Jenna laughed out loud at that.

‘Sorry, Lulu.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeell I can only apologise for whatever this was. Big love to MyGoldenChances for her encouragement! Please please please read her fic if you haven't already.


	34. Chapter 34

The next time Jenna and Jim saw each other was at her scan the following Tuesday. They sat together, dutifully holding hands, watching the fuzzy image of their child flicker up on the screen. They looked perfect. Almost exactly the picture of Lulu, with a little more of Jenna’s chin. There was something about their eyes, though, in the way that they were set, that was entirely Jim.

The parents-to-be didn’t exchange many words during the scan, but the way Jim gently squeezed Jenna’s hand did not go unnoticed. It all felt so real now, looming above them like something huge. Jenna, for one, felt incredibly small. She was not a new mother, of course, but still – this time felt different. This baby would be able to settle itself in a far more stable home, with two parents present.

That was as long as Jenna and Jim could get their respective shit together.

Afterwards, Jim and Dr Perkins had a brief catch-up, using all sorts of medical jargon that Jenna didn’t really understand. She stood, rocking slowly backwards and forwards on her feet, looking with feigned interest at a cross-section diagram of a pregnant woman on the wall. Although she had already had one pregnancy, and was coming to the end of her second, she still found it fascinating, and more than a little freaky, that her body could create a whole new person.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the gentle pressure of Jim’s hand on her shoulder.

‘You ready?’

‘Mm-hm.’

They left Dr Perkins’ office and walked along the corridor together, not looking at each other, but rather staring at their shoes (well, Jim stared at his shoes, and Jenna stared at her bump). There was something prickly between them, and Jenna could feel it at the back of her neck. They arrived at Jim’s office, and she finally turned to look at him.

‘Jim, I -’

‘I’ve got an appointment in five minutes,’ Jim cut her off, reaching past her and wrapping his hand around the door knob.

‘Oh, okay. I’ll – I’ll call you later?’

‘Sure.’

He leaned down to give her a quick, chaste kiss on the cheek, then opened the door and walked into his office. Jenna watched as her clicked the door closed, nibbling on her bottom lip. The baby chose that moment to deliver a sharp kick to her lower ribs, and she sucked in a sharp breath.

‘Don’t _you_ kick me, I’m already doing that to myself,’ she muttered, before turning awkwardly on her heel and leaving the surgery.

* * *

 ‘Jenna, darling, I love you and I promise I’m not trying to get rid of you, but when are you taking a break?’

‘Are you saying I can’t do my job, Becky?’

‘No, hon, I’m saying you’ve been in a bitch-ass mood all day and I don’t think it’s just pregnancy hormones.’

Jenna dropped the pie dish she’d been ruthlessly scrubbing back into the sink with a splash, and turned to Becky, brandishing the dish brush. ‘Huh?’ she spluttered.

Becky responded with a _I’ve-dealt-with-this-nonsense-before_ arch of her eyebrow, and folded her arms.

‘What’s going on with you, girl?’

‘Nothing. Everything’s fine,’ Jenna snapped, turning back to retrieve the ill-fated pie dish from the soapy water and resuming scrubbing.

‘No, it’s not,’ Becky retorted.

‘Don’t _shrink_ me,’ Jenna grumbled.

‘I’m not _shrinking_ you, I’m speaking to you as a friend,’ Becky said indignantly, ‘Jenna, is everything okay with you and Jim?’

Straight to the point as always.

Sighing, Jenna placed the pie dish on the drying rack and turned to face her friend, wiping her hands on a tea towel.

‘I don’t know,’ she said in a small voice, looking down.

‘What’s happened, hon?’ Becky said, softening up now she’d finally got through to her.

‘I think he thinks I’m pushing him away. I’m not, obviously. I just wanted to avoid him getting tangled up in everything.’

‘Understandable,’ Becky said, nodding, ‘Maybe you just need to explain that to him. Y’know, _talk_ to each other.’

Jenna looked at Becky properly so she could narrow her eyes at her.

‘We _do_ talk to each other,’ she said petulantly.

‘Not enough, clearly,’ Becky said, emphasising her point with a dismissive wave of her hand. She walked towards Jenna, looking more sympathetic. ‘Are you sure he thinks you’re pushing him away?’ she stood in front of her and prodded Jenna’s forehead with her index finger, ‘Or is it just happening in here?’

‘He just seemed a bit… off, today. At the scan,’ she said quietly, tapping Becky’s finger away and returning her gaze to the floor. She leant back against the counter top, gripping its edges and rolling her aching shoulders back.

‘Off in what way?’

‘Just… off.’

‘That clears it up.’

‘ _Stop_ ,’ Jenna whined, but she was laughing.

‘This is exactly what happened with Lulu when you told her about the baby. You got yourself all worked up thinking she was mad about it and she wasn’t! I bet it’s the same story this time.’

Jenna bit her lip, remembering that whole ordeal which wasn’t really an ordeal. She instinctively brought a hand to her stomach and stroked it. The baby would be here in a matter of weeks, and there was something about that fact that made everything else somehow seem both important and unimportant at the same time.

‘I’m gonna call him tonight,’ she said, firmly.

‘Girl, just get him to come over,’ Becky said in exasperation.

‘Fine,’ Jenna groaned, rubbing her hand across the back of her neck. She was so tired.

‘After all, you guys have always been better at the face-to-face stuff,’ Becky added with a suggestive wink.

‘ _Becky_.’

‘You know it’s the truth!’ the older woman defended with a cackle.

* * *

Once Lulu was tucked up in bed, much to her chagrin, Jenna crept back downstairs to the living room and picked up her phone. She scrolled through her contacts until she reached Jim, and her thumb hovered over the call button for a good couple of minutes before she finally pressed it.

The phone rang precisely fifteen times before he answered it.

‘Hey, Jenna,’ he greeted, sounding tired.

Jenna put it down to the fact that he was a OB-GYN at an increasingly busy surgery and had no doubt had a long day, and not that he wasn’t happy to speak to her. She tried to remember what Becky had said, that she was working herself up over nothing, but _God_ was it difficult.

‘Hey, Jim – I – I wondered if you wanted to come ‘round?’ she asked quietly, her free hand fiddling with a loose thread on the bottom of her shirt.

‘Um. Sorry, I would but I’ve got an early start tomorrow, and -’

‘Oh, okay, no problem -’

‘It’s not that I don’t want to, I just -’

‘It’s fine, Jim. I just wanted to talk, but we can do it another time.’

‘Oh,’ Jim said, apparently unsure of what else to say.

‘You’re still coming over on Friday though, right?’

‘If you’ll have me.’

Jenna flinched.

‘Of – of course,’ she said, frowning.

‘I’m sorry, I’ve just had a long day,’ Jim said, sounding as if he was stifling a yawn.

‘It’s okay, I’m sorry for calling this late,’ Jenna said softly, pressing her thumb between her eyebrows.

‘It’s okay. But I should probably get going or I genuinely might fall asleep,’ Jim said with a quiet giggle.

‘Totally,’ Jenna replied, allowing herself to relax a little.

‘And then you’d just hear me snoring and whatever attraction you still have towards me would _immediately_ disappear.’

Jenna chortled and then clapped a hand over her mouth, remembering her sleeping daughter upstairs.

‘Well, we wouldn’t want that,’ she said, grinning.

‘So, I’ll see you Friday?’

‘Yup.’

‘Good night, Jenna,’ he said.

‘Good night.’

Jenna clicked the phone off.

For a while, she just sat, leaning back against the sofa and cradling her bump. She wasn’t sure how to feel. She tried to convince herself that she was worrying over nothing, that her erratic hormones weren’t to be believed. She’d always been hard on herself, both in her work and in her personal life, and perhaps this instance was just another illustration of that fact. But she wanted so desperately to see him in that moment, to just sit with him and get everything off her chest.

But, at the same time, she didn’t want to see him. She guessed there was an element of her wanting to hide the messier parts of herself away; she’d only had one session with Sandra but already she’d been forced to look at them in unflinching detail. Lulu’s birth had been a second chance, a way of moving on, of escaping from the life she’d had before. She’d marched out into the world, not only as a new parent, but a single one at that, with her daughter cuddled up in her arms and a deep sense of power in her heart. Her life was split into two halves, her life before Lulu, and her life afterwards. Everything before had been all but swept away to make room for this shiny new adventure.

But all of that hadn’t been swept away, not entirely. The line between the two halves of her life had been blurred to such an extent that they had almost become one again.

Running a hand across her forehead, Jenna puffed her cheeks out and closed her eyes. She checked her watch, and seeing it was past ten o’clock, tutted and heaved herself to her feet. She switched the lights off in the living room and kitchen, then crept upstairs in the gloom, running her hand gently along the rail.

She had already changed into her nightclothes as soon as she’d stepped through the door that afternoon, so padded straight through to her bedroom. She drew the curtains, then walked over to the bed and peeled back the covers. Before she could crawl underneath them, however, she heard Lulu stir from next door. She paused, listening intently to establish whether Lulu had woken up or had just made a noise in her sleep.

When a frightened little voice cried ‘Mama!’ however, she walked straight through to her daughter’s bedroom and saw her sat up in bed, knees pulled up to her chest and shoulders shaking with her sobs.

‘Lulu, darling, it’s okay, I’m here,’ Jenna soothed, sitting down next to Lulu and wrapping both arms around her.

‘I keep h-having b-bad d-d-dreams,’ Lulu stammered out.

‘I know,’ Jenna agreed, ‘You never used to have them at all. What’s worrying you, sweetheart?’

‘I keep dreaming that you’re gonna leave me,’ Lulu mumbled into her shoulder, ‘You just walk away from me.’

‘With Jim?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘And – and the baby?’

Lulu paused, ‘I don’t remember.’

‘Okay,’ Jenna felt a modicum of relief at that, ‘Well, Lulu, I promise you I’ll never leave you. I’ve always promised that. You believe me, right?’

Jenna was trying hard to put her “mother” head on. That calm, assured, _everything’s-gonna-be-fine_ manner that her own mother had been a master of despite everything else going on. But try as she might, it was becoming more and more difficult to keep up the performance.

Lulu’s bed was really too small to accommodate the both of them now, but still Jenna shuffled down with her under the covers and let her cling to her side, calming down now as she grew sleepy. Jenna wrapped an arm around the girl’s shoulders, still confined to lying flat on her back.

‘Sing the song, Mama,’ Lulu mumbled against her.

‘Which song, baby?’ Jenna whispered.

‘The pie one.’

‘Oh, that one.’

Jenna couldn’t help smiling as she remembered it. It was the one she and her mother sang when she was little, and the one she’d sung into Lulu’s tiny red ear when she was mere moments old.

‘Let’s make a new one, Mama, what do you say?’ she began, softly, brushing Lulu’s tangled hair away from her forehead, ‘I like it when you let me pick out the name.’

She watched as a small smile played across her daughter’s face. Lulu closed her eyes and snuggled further into Jenna’s side.

‘Sugar, and butter, and flour,’ she continued. Bringing a hand to her round stomach, she whispered, ‘And mother.’

In her weariness, her singing dissolved into a wordless humming, and she let her eyes flicker closed.

* * *

 The week had been passing so slowly that it felt like several months had dragged by before it got to Friday. Jenna stood in the kitchen of the diner, scribbling down notes for a new pie recipe in her notebook. Becky, Nellie and Cal had all gone home an hour or so before, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Truthfully, she welcomed a bit of peace from Becky’s well-intentioned but irritating questions about her love life.

A pie dish and several sorrowful ingredients were laid out on the table in front of her. She’d thought she’d try inventing a new pie, something which had always brought her solace in the past, but she’d found nothing was working. She’d combined strawberries with whipped vanilla cream, on a crushed shortcake base, but when she’d tasted it, it was grey and bland. Admittedly, the strawberries had been past their use-by date (making them ideal for experimenting), which went some way in explaining their tastelessness. But Jenna had found herself lacking in appetite, her dampened emotions clouding everything in a kind of fog. Sighing heavily, she scooped everything on the table into the trashcan in the corner of the room.

She was so distracted that she didn’t notice Jim stood behind her until he awkwardly cleared his throat. At the sound of it, she jumped almost out of her skin and spun around to look at him.

‘Oh, hi,’ she spluttered, wiping her flour-covered hands on her apron and trying to smile at him.

‘Hi,’ he responded, ‘Sorry I scared you.’

‘No – no, you didn’t. You just startled me,’ she disputed, walking towards him a little.

‘So I scared you,’ he replied, his lips quirking upwards into a grin.

She narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Fine. You scared me. I was _trying_ to be nice,’ she sighed, walking towards the sink to get a washcloth.

‘Hey, I was kidding,’ Jim said, laughing nervously.

Jenna grabbed the washcloth from where it was draped over the tap, then ran it under warm water. She turned back to the table to wipe it clean of shortcake crumbs and strawberry stems.

‘I know. I’m sorry, I’m just – tired,’ she said, after she’d glimpsed him out of the corner of her eye, still stood by the spice rack looking sheepish.

‘Jenna, is everything okay?’ Jim asked cautiously, taking one step towards her and inclining his head.

‘Yep,’ she said immediately, without really thinking.

‘Are you sure? Because ever since last week you’ve seemed… distant.’

She blinked at him.

‘ _I’ve_ seemed distant?’

‘Well, yeah.’

Jenna opened and shut her mouth several times, trying to think of her next sentence. But no words would come.

‘You look kinda like a goldfish,’ Jim observed with an amused smile.

‘ _You’ve_ been distant,’ Jenna blurted suddenly.

‘Huh?’

‘You’ve barely wanted to speak to me all week,’ Jenna continued, gesturing towards him with the damp dishcloth.

He frowned, ‘I thought you didn’t want to speak to me.’

‘The other night when I rang you,’ Jenna barrelled on, barely registering his comment, ‘It was ages before you picked up.’

‘My phone was in the other room…’ Jim explained, perplexed.

‘And at the scan, you barely even looked at me afterwards.’

‘I’m sorry, I had a busy morning and was focused on that. Jenna,’ Jim said, walking forwards to place his hands on her shoulders before she could say anything else, ‘I thought you wanted space.’

‘Yeah, but,’ Jenna placed her hands over Jim’s and frowned up at him, ‘I thought you were okay with giving me space.’

A small crease appeared between Jim’s eyebrows as he took in what she’d said.

‘I was okay with it because I thought it was what you needed. But it’s been hard, Jenna. I’ve been without you for so long, and now I’ve got you, it’s been hard to be away from you.’

Jenna nodded, flicking her eyes downwards as she absorbed his words.

‘I just need some clarity, Jenna. I know you’ve got a lot to think about at the moment, and I don’t want to pressure you. But you’re clearly bothered about something, and I wouldn’t be any kind of boyfriend if I didn’t want to help.’

She bit her lip against a grin as she looked up at him. ‘That’s the first time you’ve called yourself my boyfriend,’ she said softly.

He wrinkled his nose up. ‘I know. It sounds kinda weird,’ he said, laughing.

‘Hm,’ Jenna mused. She guessed it did sound kind of… juvenile. ‘Maybe you could be my partner?’ she suggested.

‘Partners,’ Jim repeated, turning the word over in his mind, ‘I guess that works. But anyway, back the point. What do you want, Jenna?’

She sighed. ‘I don’t know,’ she said, defeated.

‘Are you still happy with our living arrangement?’

Jenna twisted her lips together in thought. ‘I think we could try one more night a week.’

‘Okay,’ Jim said, looking encouraged, ‘So maybe Thursday to Sunday?’

‘Sure. And you can keep picking up Lulu. She needs consistency,’ Jenna said, frowning in concentration.

‘Of course. Is she okay, by the way?’

Jenna winced. ‘She keeps having bad dreams,’ she admitted, noticing the time and walking to the coat rack in the corner of the room to collect her jacket, ‘She never used to.’

‘Oh no,’ Jim said, looking worried, ‘What about?’

‘She dreams that we’ve left her,’ Jenna said in a small voice, shrugging her jacket on slowly as the full weight of it dawned on her. She looked at Jim, who looked so painfully guilty that it broke her heart.

‘But – but we’d never do that, why would she dream that?’ he babbled.

‘I don’t know Jim, but maybe this has all affected her more than she’s let on,’ Jenna said, bringing her hands to her face and rubbing both index fingers across her forehead.

‘Let’s take her out,’ Jim suggested, clapping his hands together in determination, ‘We’ll take her out to the zoo or something, would she like that?’

‘She’s – she’s never been to the zoo. I don’t think there’s even one nearby…’ Jenna mumbled, bewildered at his sudden change in manner.

‘Well, she’s going to the zoo,’ Jim decided triumphantly, striding towards Jenna and kissing her on the forehead, ‘I'll find one, and we'll go to it. On Sunday.’

Jenna blinked several times, watching as Jim opened the back door and turned towards her with his hand outstretched.

‘C’mon, partner,’ he said, grinning.

She couldn’t help but giggle at this new term of endearment, taking his hand and following him out of the diner and towards his car. Lulu was sat in the back seat, frowning indignantly out of the window at them both. When they clambered in, she said, ‘You were gone _ages_ and _ages_.’

‘Sorry, Lulu,’ Jim apologised, but still not quite keeping the smile from his face, ‘Your mama and I had to have a little talk.’

‘It wasn’t a little talk, it was a big talk,’ Lulu muttered petulantly, crossing her small arms over her chest.

‘That’s enough of that attitude, young lady,’ Jenna admonished, turning around in her seat to fix her daughter with a firm stare, ‘We’ve got a treat for you, but not if you’re gonna be a little madam.’

Lulu cheered up immediately. ‘What kind of a treat?’ she asked, her face the picture of innocence.

‘It’s a surprise,’ Jenna said, tapping the end of her nose and turning back to face the front. When Lulu started to groan in protest, she said again, ‘ _Not_ if you’re gonna be a little madam, remember,’ and the girl stopped.

As they drove towards home, Jenna felt a pleasant, warm sensation come over her. There was still a lot to navigate for them, and when the baby arrived, there’d be even more. But she felt better about it all now.

She placed a hand over her stomach, feeling the baby shift inside her. In less than two months, they’d be born. She could only hope she’d be ready for them. But slowly, she was starting to feel like she would be.


End file.
